Time is weirdly different

It’s just over five months since I lost my husband. I’m sure that for everyone else, including my adult children who have jobs and children of their own, it feels like almost half a year. As it should; they have to live their lives and be happy even though they are still feeling their own loss.
For me, though, it feels like only weeks or even only days. It’s so strange and I somehow can’t believe it was that long ago. Actually, some days I still can’t believe he’s actually gone. I didn’t really realise until now how often we hugged each other and I do miss that. Hugs from children and grandchildren are obviously not the same. I saw his brother at the weekend - they resemble each other - and it took every bit of emotional strength I had to not hang onto him and bawl.
Anyway, back to time: is this usual? This odd distortion?
My very best wishes and sympathy to everyone going through a dreadful time of their own.


Hi Clairesc

I understand what you mean about time. Ian passed away over a year ago now and yet, I keep thinking it was this year. It’s as if I’ve lost a year as I’ve no idea where it went.

I still half expect him to walk through the door or be at home when I arrive back. I just can’t accept that I will never see him again……

Julie x


Hi ClaireSC
It is usual in my experience. I totally understand as I feel exactly the same and I echo your thoughts about your adult children. It’s 4 month since my husband R passed but doesn’t feel like it. I commented to a relation last week that I’ve lost all concept of time.
I had a really emotional day today finding it hard to comprehend that he’s actually gone. It’s feels almost as if he’s just ‘away’ somewhere but then reality dawns on me. I find myself looking at R’s siblings and noticing the same eyes, cheekbones etc and visualising him hoping for some strange comfort.
I have no wise words to make you feel better but just send kind and caring thoughts to you and everyone going through this living nightmare x


Thank you for your kind responses. It helps to be able to say how I’m feeling without worrying that I’m putting family and friends on the spot.
Chris was in hospital but we had no time to come to terms with the fact his illness was terminal. His death was completely unexpected at three in the morning so, although I’d visited in the evening, we were unable to even say goodbye. He was spared any lengthy suffering and fear but it makes me so sad to think that he was alone.
I don’t even know what I did in those hours between 3.30am and when the first of my boys arrived at around 8.00am. I think I just sat at the kitchen table. The first example there of “time slip”.
I think we have a childish and naive image of quietly slipping away to sleep together, never thinking of nor expecting the pain that will come to the one left behind. My life really ended in April and now I’m just going through the motions for the sake of my family.
I’m not a woman who needed a relationship to be ‘validated’ - I was a company director and my husband actually worked for me (notionally) :slightly_smiling_face: but nevertheless I feel adrift without my other half. After nearly 40 years, I’ve forgotten how to be me.


Days, weeks, 19months have passed.
Not sure how I pass my time some days.

I’m still the same old “me”, just slightly adrift too. This new “me” has become different without my anchor of 50years.
I still expect him to walk thru the door or look out to see him pottering in the garden.

I’m so grateful for what we had and try not to dwell on what I don’t have now.

Take care.
G. X


Yes, this time distortion is absolutely normal. I sometimes I think I’m going mad but then realise that this is a common feeling. This loss of concept of time is very strange to handle but I still have that too. I lost my husband suddenly and unexpectedly 22 months ago, but I feel completely lost in time. My mind is fixed on that day and I relive it every single day. Everything that’s happened since then is like a blur to me as if I’m not really me, I’ve become someone else., doesn’t make sense, I know.
Sometimes I feel like I’m watching someone else’s life (mine is lost in time somewhere)as a spectator, very difficult to explain.


I know what you mean both my boys are the spitting g image of their father and same traits so it is both painful :broken_heart: and a great pleasure to see them


It will be a year on Wednesday since my husband died. I really can’t believe where that year has gone or how I’ve got through it but here I am. It’s all a bit of a blur but trying my best to get on as it’s what he wanted me to do. So hard though xx


It is hard I am 5 months in and really don’t know what I’m doing each day inside a blur