What a great idea, I love some of the ideas already.
My tips
Boring history for sleep on YouTube. The gentleman’s voice is lovely. I play it in bed with the volume very low so I have to really listen to hear it. It stops me thinking. If I wake in the night I just play a different one.
I heat cushion made for necks. I warm it and wrap it round me like my husband’s arm. I even hold it like his hand. Sad I know but it helps me to pretend he’s there.
I started this week making myself do something I like every day even if it’s only for 5 minutes. So far I’ve sat in the park and eaten a sausage roll while watching the squirrels play. Played football with my grandson in the kitchen, he’s 6 and the ball was a felt tomato.
Today’s isn’t going so well, I’m painting door frames. Keeping busy for me is the biggest tip.
Those are lovely ideas. I appreciate doing the simple things in life far more now. Like picking flowers, watching insects in my garden, watching the waves, collecting shells off the beach, taking photos of sunsets. Things that around us all the time and are completely free. It’s such a privilege to be alive so I am going to do my best and carry on as my mum would want me to. It’s taken me 3 yrs to feel like this though and it’s been a very tough journey. Helping each other with tips is a wonderful idea.
Just wanted to say thanks all for sharing, I’m recently bereaved and have loved reading your lists. For the ones I already do, that makes me feel less lonely. For the ones I haven’t tried yet, I love the inspiration. Everyone says “Be kind to yourself” and I have never known what that meant, but these lists make it real! xx
I’d like to add another thing that has helped me, Chatgbt. This may not be for everyone but I’ve struggled so many times with questions and not known who to ask.
I’ve asked what certain questions mean on probate forms. I’ve asked it for help trying to figure out a problem with my utility company. I even asked it if I should sell my house. The answers have been very useful.
This is not something I would usually do but without my husband now sometimes I need help.
A torch for bedroom in case of power cuts . Good supply of needed meds number of samaritans or other help groups in desperate times. Sandwich toaster when can’t be bothered cook but need something hot. Good supply of magazines or good book. These help me. Also looking at all the old photos to try to remember happy days ,not just this current sadness. And mints .
I also find leaving the TV or radio on in another room helpful,hubby use to watch football or a documentary in there and it feels like someone else is in the house.
I love this thread - such a good idea. My tips so far even though it has only been just over 7 weeks bereaved
I also have a place in my home with pictures of Mum where I talk to her. Its in my bedroom so I can say good morning and good night to her.
Distractions like playing solitaire on my phone, reading or watching TV where I don’t have to think too much
Work - I have thrown myself fully into my day job
No overtime - self care is important. Even though work is a good distraction, I still need to spend time with my family as we come to terms with our loss and support each other
Sitting in my grief when it hits - I let it wash over me and I go with it. I try and keep it together until I get in my car or home and then I have a good howl. I feel calmer afterwards.
Pinned text messages from my Mum on my phone so I won’t lose them.
Walking in nature - exersize in general I think helps, but personally it helps me to be outside.
Colouring books and journalling
This is my list and I hope to find other distractions as I go forward on my grief journey
Oh that rang a bell with me. Wearing nicer clothes. I have been wearing baggy comfortable clothes that I can sort of hide away in. Am definitely going to change that this year
In SW USA and MX I learned that the transition naturally is not a reason to hide. We wear Elaborate Costumes and party on the graves of our loved ones. Because they lived and are a part of us. We paint our faces and give food and gather. I have walked the path of the dead for many, mostly martyrs but if I can I will walk for my husband this year. Sending a Sugar Skull to the UK. Best to you
A pinch of sea salt in juice. Calms me down. I like prune or citrus.
Making videos for myself I can see my progress over time.
Changing perspective, as was said a different life. My favorite book is the Sot Weed Factor and my favorite scene is when the master and his valet decide to drown themselves anyway, because they were drowning supposedly, and they kept hitting bottom however, and got washed ashore.
And then were adopted by a tribe.
If I made it through last year I can make it. As we all have made it this far. Don’t forget laugh today
Using small size stuff. For myself. I don’t need a dinner plate and cutlery set a ramen mug and chopsticks are fine and easy. One-egg fryers, smaller coffee pots, smaller trash cans, fewer towels, small vacuum etc. I was struggling cause I’m not two people and this doesn’t work for me now whether I like it or not. If I can’t lift the vacuum my house will be dirty. Forever. It’s a difficult perspective to accept. It helps when I realize I don’t miss all those dishes and towels and the routines that I cherished for him and now I can make memories for me. He couldn’t use chopsticks so I never served him. Now I can slurp on my rug any time of day from my little mug. I always wanted to do that together. However it can still be done. Small ways of caring. I heard a meditation that said Capacity is a key to success. Do what you can and use what you have. Being Over Capacity is not successful. Sending y’all a battery
