Tips to help support my Dad

Hi guys, I’m hoping some of you can help me out with some advice here please :pray:t2:

My mum passed at the beginning of April and now my 83 year old dad is all alone. He has his own health issues as he’s got lung cancer. My sister lives abroad and has been staying with him since mum passed but she has now gone home. I work full time and have a child and so I’m having to go to Dad’s every spare minute I can but it’s just not enough. He’s like a little lost soul who just doesn’t know what to do with himself anymore which is completely understandable as they were married for 60 years and together for 65 years.

I feel so guilty leaving him and cry all the way home for him. Can anyone who has been on either side of this situation give me some tips please? I know I’ve seen that some people wanted space when they lost their partner and others didn’t so I just don’t know what I can do :broken_heart:

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Hello @MrsY ,

I’m so sorry for the loss of your Mum. Thank you for sharing this with us. I’m just giving your thread a gentle, “bump” for you - hopefully someone will have some thoughts to share.

Take good care,
Alex

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@MrsY . From the prospective of a wife who has lost her husband of 51 years, l know what your Dad is going through. There is no right way of doing something its very much playing it by ear.
l live alone and housebound, no one around me except my sister who visits when she can, but l can ring her when things are too much, we talk every sunday evening to put the world to rights. Having lost her young son she understands my grief.
Maybe you can arrange a similar understanding with your dad, make him feel he doesn’t have to be strong for you or you for him. Talking about your Mum, whether you both end in tears or laughter, is good medicine. When you think that counselling is just about talking about your feelings it can only help.
l am sure there others on this site who can give you ideas from the view of a daughter/son helping mum/dad.
Be assured that at least one, if not more, is going through the same, can offer a shoulder to cry on, hugs for times when it seems too much, a listening ear.
Keep reading, posting. this site really helps me to get me through the day.
Sending you hugs :people_hugging: :people_hugging: :people_hugging:

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Lotswife, thank you. I’m so rowdy that you find yourself if this situation, it’s so cruel.

We try to ring my dad but as he had a couple of strokes last year he can get confused and tends to not answer the phone or if he does manage to he struggles with his words and he’s also hard of hearing. He’s also housebound as with his lung cancer he can’t walk very far as he gets really out of breath. I try to bring him to my house as much as I can for a change of scenery but with me working full time and also trying to juggle my daughters clubs etc it’s not easy. I feel terribly guilty.

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