To cruel

I lost a close friend to cancer in June last year,then my mum passed away 27 December 21 had no idea that it was going to happen, two days after my mum’s funeral I had to have my dog,of 17 yrs pts and then in May I lost a very close friend to a heart attack again totally unexpected.
I’m still having trouble accepting their passing and feel guilty if I laugh or remotely enjoy myself.
I’m so angry at life. Hate how it carrys on.
I was very close to my mum,as my brothers live in Scotland so I spent most of my time at mums.doing her shopping and cleaning now I feel I don’t have a purpose to get out of bed.
I feel that I can’t talk about it as people may think that I should be over it by now but in truth I will never get over losing any of them.

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I am so sorry to hear about your losses, it sounds like your grief for each and everyone of them is just one huge weight of grief for you.

I lost my partner in March of this year, we are both only 54 and I was also his carer for 15 years. I know what you mean about feeling guilty should you dare to enjoy something. I physically choked the the first time I laughed at something on TV it just came from nowhere and felt so Alien. If I smile I can feel my whole face move and it just feels so strange.

I know my grandchildren need me to smile and laugh and my partners last words were to look after our daughter so I try to be strong for them.

You took a big step reaching out to the group today and I hope you find it helpful, it has been a blessing for me.

Today was my first big step , I mowed our lawn and spent some time tidying the garden I hadn’t managed to do this since he passed away but I told myself I would do it for him so I can enjoy it and all the happy memories.

I hope you are soon able to find some peace and with it some hope and happiness in your future. You have done the right thing to find people you feel comfortable talking to but don’t hide things from family and friends they really are there to support you they just need to know how.

Best wishes

Hi TazandLuna,
So sorry to hear this, life is so cruel.
What Paula said was so uplifting and I hope you find some help on this forum.
I have found that just writing here has helped in some small way, there are people who who have managed to get some semblance of purpose back although it seems a million miles away at times.
I know what you mean about talking to people but I have finally been able to open up and express my feelings to friends. It helps a little I think just knowing there are people who care. I hope at some stage you find some peace.
Joe x

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