Yesterday it was not too bad. Just a few tears. Today just crying and crying and the feeling of loneliness and despair, no hope. Life is just painful and without any hope of getting better. What is the sense of going on with that lonely life without him? I tried to read books about grief etc. and it does not help at all. I just do not know what to do anymore. Walking doesn’t help. My leg hurts again so no gardening and I have to get new garden tools anyway (something we wanted to buy together this year). I tried to do crosswords or read books but I cannot concentrate. Even listening to music is a chore and no fun anymore without him. Over three months and three weeks days without him - no hope left for me.
I know how you feel. Everything seems totally pointless…another Sunday Bloody Sunday…and it’s sunny again…tho it’s raining in my heart……sending love…
Our puppy’s first birthday today.
He and Phil only had 12 days together.
Today I took him and our other 8 year old dog back to the breeder, as she also grooms them for me, and they needed hair cuts.
Its all these things that are so so hard.
Things Phil’s missing out on.
I’m so sad he never really got to know Bobby and has missed seeing him grow up , and develop his own character.
And not here for his birthday, or to see their new hair cuts
@Annaessex I felt like you on Wednesday and Thursday. I went down to the doctor’s on Thursday to see the welfare lady and had a massive meltdown. I told her how I feel and don’t seem the point without living with my husband. She referred me straight to the mental health nurse who was in the next room. She has referred me to the trauma specialist as think I have PTSD. I have also been prescribed a mild anti depressant. I said I will try it as long as it doesn’t make me happy and forget my husband. I feel a little bit better today. Hopefully you will too. Could you get support from your doctor’s. I know it is not going to bring our men back but like you we lost our husbands suddenly with no closure.
No day seems to be the same… one day a little better than the next day I am in flood of tears. Life is definitely shit. Sending lots of love Xx
I wish I had a supportive surgery. They are not very helpful and the doctors only do telephone appointments. I do not even know them. Sending a lot of love and hugs to everyone.
so sorry you’re having a bad day. I think it was on here I saw that it comes in waves. I hope you feel better tomorrow.
@Annaessex oh Anna that is such terrible that you don’t get any support from your doctor’s. I can’t believe that they are still doing phone calls appointments which is terrible. I am really sorry that you are struggling so much. Wish I could give you a big hug though I know you only want one person. Sending you a big hug xx
I just saw that you are from Norwich. Norwich was one of our favourite places to be. We went a few times to the cinema there and to Weatherspoons. A few years ago we went to a Vintage fair at the Dragon Hall in Norwich. And I loved Norwich Cathedral. We stayed in a hotel (we had our honeymoon there) in Great Yarmouth, a hotel in Bowthorpe, and small cottages in Litcham and Bylaugh. My favourite shop was Roys in Dereham. Lovely memories. Sending love and hugs.
@Cathphil sorry today is a sad one. I thought perhaps it would be a better day celebrating your puppy’s birthday. Weekends are hard. Birthdays etc are even harder. Sending hugs
Have you read : language of loss by sasha bates. She lost her husband suddenly. Its brilliant. Try it. Soz you having a bad day today. We all have them. Life can be so cruel cant it ? Take care xx
@Annaessex so sorry you are having a bad day. The weekends are hard. I find keeping busy helps me but I appreciate everyone is different. Sending big hugs.
I have and I agree it’s brill…in fact she sent me a personal message after I complimented her on the book… very helpful
Same here … i sent her a personal message to say how good it was and i got a reply too ! Bless her ! Lovely lady xx
I’ve read her book too. So inspiring, yet totally how I feel. I’d recommend everyone reads it. Helped me massively
@Annaessex oh wow I know all those places and just 6 miles from Norwich. Lovely memories hopefully for you. My husband and myself would sometimes get a little boat out on the broads. Big hugs my lovely xx
I have the book also but haven’t got around to reading it yet. I read her other book A GRIEF COMPANION which is good xx
Yeh i not read that actually … maybe i need to ? @hazel i think it woyld help you hazel because her husband became ill very quickly too xxxx
I know how you feel, I lived with my mother who died in my arms on the 5th of January after a very long battle with dementia and in the last week sitting up with her day and night holding her hand, it was the hardest and saddest thing I have ever been through and I found my self under a mental health nurse suffering some form of battle field troma, I just wanted to stay in my sleeping bag and die, I was her son, but for the last ten years or so we have done everything together and have been at times mistaken as husband and wife, her passing has left an unfillable hole in my life and I am still coming to terms with my new life and going about reinventing my self, (that is what we have to do) I have no plans at the moment for ending it, (I am 63, work out for two hours 6 out of 7 day and am fitter then most people in there 20’s, have plans to build a miniature steam launch with a view to selling it and have just had a solar power unit installed, my mother thought like Ukraine to the end and if dementie were Vladimir Putin then my mother would be president Koleski, (I included that in her eulogy, in fact I practically administrated the funeral )she would not expect me to give in but fight on to the very end when hell freezes over and for me to do anything else would be a betrayal of her values, her example and her life, my mother grew up during the war years and her values were shaped in times of national adversity and danger that gave her that ‘stick it out and get on with it’ mentality that so shapped what I call the greatest generation, your departed loved one would want you to do the same, only you know how you feel but you need something to aim for in life and the best way you can honour your departyed is to get on and make a success of your new life, seek good company,take up a new hobby or start a business of your own, do power lifting or para gliding if it floats your boat but seek congenial company of others,let me recommend a book, ‘you are not alone’ by Cariad Lloyd who created and hosted Griefcast, she lost her father to cancer at 15, I have found it helpful and whilst I am getting used to losing my mother (you NEVER get over a REAL BEREAVEMENT, you just get used to it) I do have dark days and moments and it requires a war time mentality to come through it,clearly you have loved and been loved, hold on to your faith, your values and your life, do not give in but be thankful for what you have had and remember those in Ukraine who are fighting, and dying for there lives and there loved ones, at least we do not have to contend with missile and drone attacks (yet, that might change) one day you may love and be loved again, may God be with you and be your guide in your hour of need, be strong, don’t give in, the sun will one day rise in your life again, people are like nations, those that go down fighting rise again, those that role over never do(Winston Spencer Churchill)
Thank you debs yes I will have a read as been sitting on the side for quite a while now. Her other book a grief companion was very good and could relate to some of the things that she wrote. 6 months ago I never thought in my wildest dreams that I would be reading about grief
Big hugs xx