My parents came to dinner today. I’m extremely lucky to have them. My mom knows my heart is broken and she just holds me when l need it. They’ve gone home now and this is when my mind drifts. I really want to take the tree down tomorrow and shut it all out. I’m glad today is over but then the anxiety kicks in for new year
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You are so young to be going through this. I think today has been the hardest since I lost my soulmate of 35 years. I’m with my family at present but it really hasn’t made the day any easier. I go home on Wednesday and I am dreading the next few days of getting through the holiday period. I will be glad to see the back of 2023 but don’t see any joy in 2024. Days, months just drag on by, and I don’t know how to face them. The loneliness is not going to stop, the pain won’t go away and I don’t see anything worth going on for. People say it gets easier but I don’t know how. I just want to join him and be at peace
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Hi @Annde
Exactly how i felt yesterday and today.
Not sure how we get through these dats months years ahead.
Thought we would have had more time together now only i have time on my own witbout him. Dont think i want that 2023 was not good but 2024 eithout him looks just as bad. I know i have to carry on but with little support from family it is very hard 
Thinking of everyone at this time
Take care
Lynne Xx
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Hi, it’s three years for me, and I know I felt exactly the same for a good while after losing my Mark and still do but now it’s not a constant and not so intense. I have bad days when it comes rushing back, and I still miss him so much, but it has got a bit easier. Just try to take one day at a time, try to find a new hobby to distract your mind (I started making candles) and talk about your loved one, bottling it all up can be a natural reaction, you don’t want to be a pest to family and friends, or you can’t verbalise your feelings, but by talking about the lost person you help your mind to accept the fact that he’s gone. This group is very good for that, and probably saved my sanity, because I really couldn’t find the words to talk to friends about my feelings, they still have their husbands so wouldn’t understand, realising I wasn’t alone in what I was feeling really helped. Take care xx
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@Galaxy75 @Annde you echo exactly.jow I feel. Yes we have surbived xmaa day, yes we will survive new year but all 2024 is going to do is reinforce what we have lost and give us more firsts to desl with. I avoided christmas as much as possible this year but can’t do that.every year. Godh I hate whats happened. 14 weeks and still so raw.
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Hi @Juliebobs
Yes we have got through Christmas Day now Hogmanay and New Year to get through.
14 weeks is not long for me it has been 7 months. Like most of us dont want to have to go through more Christmas or New Year’s of the same.
Think next year i might go away somewhere. I know it wont be the same without our loved ones and no matter where we are we will be on our own.
Stay strong
Lynne X
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14 weeks for me too, I chose to do Christmas alone as o wanted to do as I pleased. I bought some nice food and had every intention of cooking it and just chilling but I just sobbed and willed the day to end. This has made me realise I can’t do this next year. We loved Christmas and I don’t want to hate it. I definitely need a new plan going forward. I don’t know what or how but I need to find something to look forward too.
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14 weeks for me too. I suppose I psyched myself up to get through yesterday, but today I feel as though I’ve taken a few steps backwards. I try to take the wonderful positivity on board from all my fellow posters on here, but I’ve kind of spiralled downwards again. I know that no one else can pull me out of it so I will gladly take hope from other people’s experiences.
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@Helen24 yes I have come back to bed. Was thinking about Steve and I realise that although he was older he would have more things to do. He woukd have gone walking with a friend, fishing with his brother gardening even calling in the pub for 1 on his own. All I do is sit and worry. Yes I need a.plan.
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@Mist2 as someone else said think we need to plan. But pkan what is the ???. It is do raw and so soon. Seeing other peoples christmases abd realising that will never be you.
@Juliebobs my Steve was only 44 and I often wonder what he’d be doing if this was the other way around? I know it’s stupid as I’ll never know. I also know he’d hate to see me like this. Like you I need a plan but I honestly don’t know what I want. I definitely need to learn to do more around the house as he did all the diy. So much needs doing but I guess it’s time I learnt new things.x
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@Juliebobs you’re right, what plan?
I haven’t a clue where to start. Don’t know whether I’ll be able to return to work or retire early. I don’t have any interests or hobbies because I didn’t feel any need. My husband had so many interests that he was never off the top of the road as we say here. And I enjoyed his major passion of photography along with him. I was up many times at 4am to get to Glencoe so he could get beautiful shots of the sunrise. He was very successful with them and I used 4 of his most successful landscapes in his order of service. I was so proud of him.
But yes, it’s time to plan and try to make our way forward.
@Helen24 , same here. I also have a steep learning curve in front of me to do things around the house.Even gardening. Major problem with the back garden because that’s where he died suddenly in September and I found him there. Flashbacks whenever I look at it. But somehow we’ll overcome things and find a way forward.xx
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Hi @Mist2
We really dont know were to start do we.
I just retired medically when i was ill in 2021 with ovarian cancer. I am now coming up for 3 years in Jan 2024 currenly monitored as rare form for 10 years. To be honest i feel ok for last 2 years after treatment.
I dont really want to comit to work so will volunteer for now.
Glad you have hobby of photography that wil be good to continue when you feel upto it.
My husband loved the garden but i cant get into that at the moment. Last thing building raised beds just finished few days before he passed away i,'m sure that maybe contributed to his death.
He passed away in the bathroom behind the door could not get in. Paramedics just kicked hole in door as fire brigade were on way and they couldnt wait.
The trama of that day lives with me forever and i had to fit new door which i still cant close when in house.
Like you do much to be done in house but i cant do anything not even sure i want to live here but said id give myself a couple of years and see how i feel then.
This year has been bad my mum went into care home week before Christmas after a bad fall she has dementia and doesnt know how she fell in street or how she ended up in next street.
My husbands friend from work passed suddenly heart attack aged 66 so funeral was last week.
Hopeinf for a better 2024 as have been tested this year.
Take care
Lynne X
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@Mist2 oh that’s so sad, I was having flashbacks of Steve passing away and if I shut my eyes I could see his face as he’d passed. Thankfully they have eased now, I have a lovely picture of him next to my bed so if I see those images I look at that or memories on my phone. Hope yours go away soon too. Don’t get me started on my garden there is so much too do there I wouldn’t know where to start. I’ll start by doing little jobs in the house first. One day at a time for us.x
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I’m looking to move the furniture around in my lounge as so often I sit in my chair and look across to where he was sitting when he had his heart attack and can just see it happening again and knowing that was the last time I had had a conversation with him
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@Annde It’s so hard to deal with isn’t it. It feels like Groundhog Day revisiting the scenario all the time.
I recently viewed a retirement apartment with a view to making life easier for myself. It was lovely, very easy to manage, no gardens to take care of, all taken care of. The estate isn’t settled yet so I’m not in a position to do anything just now and I wouldn’t make a major decision like that for a year or two anyway. But it was part of trying to look ahead. I’m glad I did because I realised I want to stay in our home. All my memories are here, we loved our home and I don’t think I could part with so many of his things. The house needs a lot of things renewed like the boiler and windows, but I feel more positive in doing that now that I’ve made the decision not to move. Not for a long time anyway, if ever. So I suppose this is the start of making my way through the rest of my life.
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@Annde i think for now maybe you should move it, it’s too painful to keep reliving it. You may find in time you want to move it back who knows. As you know, no two days are the same it’s just so awful.x
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Hi I lost my dear wife Sally to subarachnoid hemorrhage 29th July 23,she was 59,its her 60th birthday tommorow 29th,feels like the day before the funeral to me, I shall plant a tree in the garden for her, as are our 4 sons, I still feel devestated, and still shocked, the world is so different I can’t focus on working and constantly go out driving around or visiting family and friends feels like my home isn’t home anymore without her, I just go day to day, waiting for some relief from the torment
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Hi @Luke All the firsts are so hard to bear. My husband died nearly 15 weeks ago, very suddenly and unexpectedly in the back garden while cutting the grass and I found him. I share with you the feeling of devastation and shock. Our anniversary was 4 days after the funeral, his birthday was last week and now Christmas and the New Year to get through. Planting a tree is a lovely idea that I’m sure will give you and your family a lot of comfort. I’m going to donate money to the Woodland Trust to have a tree planted in his memory along with a memorial bench. He said a long time ago that he would like a seat in a lovely area for people to enjoy. You’re right , the world has changed for us, and all the peace and contentment has gone. All we can do is hang in there and just do whatever helps to get through each day. It’s good that you are visiting family and friends, I’m doing the opposite and becoming a bit reclusive. I think it’s to make it easier than coming back to an empty house. Thinking of you and everyone in this community as we head to another horrible weekend. X
Hi @Mist2,
I thought I would just drop you a little note to give you a little encouragement to hanging on in there yourself. I know, another tough weekend looming together with the New Year frenzy to boot!
I can understand the reclusive feeling. For me it takes a huge amount of energy to socialise, especially when I am feeling particularly bereft. So I will avoid going out if I can at these times. But I can still read and post to this excellent community.
I know, it is awful the emptiness of the house when you enter. I leave the radio on pretty much the whole time, so there is always some background talking which helps a little when I come in.
Hugs and best wishes to you. x