Hi Sheila
My dad also died 4th feb 24 years ago. Can’t believe it’s that long. I have been thinking recently about how my mam coped and I have so much respect for her. They used to go on a lot of coach holidays together and after a while she announced to me and my sister that she was going to go on her own. She did and for the next few years before she died in 2008 she would book herself 3 trips away a year and had herself trips to the cinema etc on her own. I can’t imagine myself ever taking a holiday on my own xx
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Dear Sheila
Your poor mum, that seems to be the topic of conversation now & not just with elderly. I totally underestimated the impact losing my mum had on dear old dad. I used to tell him off when he said he just wanted to die. I so get it now & am so so sorry I wasn’t much much kinder and understanding with him. He died only 9 months after mum.
Yes, I’m due back in two weeks, I don’t know how I’ll cope but going to try.
It’s a demanding job but thankfully not public or customer facing. They’ve been really good with me.
I’ve just under 3 years until I retire but in my head I’ve decided I’ll go in Dec this year at age 64, to hell with the money I’ll lose taking early benefit. If my husband could hear my decision he would be cheering, he wanted me for ‘us’ saying I gave too many hours/years to the job.
Your mum was indeed brave Barbara. I can’t see a time when I could do a holiday on my own. The whole point for us was having these adventures together. I went to Paris for a weekend with family & swore I would never ever go anywhere without him again, I missed him so much, even for only a weekend too.
Oh what a wild time we had on our adventures - biplane flights, microlights, parachute simulations, flying simulations, speedboat rides, harley Davidson rentals in USA, gliding, hot air balloons, the biggest/fastest rollercoasters.
What a wonderful life we had & although treasured, memories just are not enough. I used to say I was his Co pilot.
Hiya Maigret my mother-in-law died 6month after he her husband They lived and breathed each other so sad lv annie
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Dear Maigret
What wonderful adventures you and husband had. But I agree memories are not sufficient, especially when like yourself and your husband, we had so many other adventures planned. We were meant to go to Australia for our 40th anniversary (when pandemic permitted entry) and had started to map our trip. Its all now just plans that will never be achieved.
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Dear Maigret
The only thing that I can say I am grateful for is furlough. I was off from April until September - I had only been back for a couple of weeks when he died. We sat and made our retirement plans with me to retire in December 2020, we laughed and enjoyed our company together just doing nothing only to be denied everything.
Hopefully your employer will continue to support you for however long you stay there till. Take care.
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Hi
My husband passed away suddenly before New Year. Still in shock. I am trying to keep busy. Like you the worse time is the evening when sitting on your own. Family and friends are supportive. We can only take one day at time which is hard. One step at a time
Dear Sheila
Your 40 th anniversary in Australia would have been a wonderful adventure for you both to share. Its so terribly sad it wasn’t to be.
My husband lived in Oz as a youngster & I kept pushing to get him to agree to a holiday there but he wasn’t keen. I think he just wanted to remember his halcyon days of his youth.
I know I would have pushed & coaxed untill he agreed ; it would have happened. And we would have loved it & he would be telling everyone how great it was…if he was here…
I can barely go to a shop without him, never mind another country.
Dear Maigret
I tried to tell myself that perhaps I could visit Australia with our daughter but then realised that the journey would be impossible without my husband. As for shopping, my husband very rarely came shopping with me for anything, but it is still a challenge. I get in car, go to the food shops and return as soon as possible, often without the items I had gone for. I am just working through my wardrobe now and either taking stuff to a charity shop or wearing it so that I can eventually sling it - a way to declutter the wardrobe for our kids. I haven’t touched my husband’s things but he did not have a big collection of clothes in anycase so I have no intention of removing any items.
I remember in the first lockdown when countries were closing their borders, husband said he could not bear to think that he would never get back to Australia. And so we find ourselves here, facing the reality that he never made it back. A few friends have told me to remember the times we did get there but memories are no use they only bring pain and despair that we never achieved the goals of the trip and our 40th.
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Hi Sheila. I really think that the worst thing people can say is “Well at least you have all those beautiful memories”
What good are memories when the person you shared them with has gone forever?
I wish I didn’t have any memories because then I would not be suffering this unending pain.
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Hi Maigret,
What you describe is exactly how I feel.
Family and friends try to help but nothing can help me, and I keep saying the only thing that could make this right would be for Pete to walk back in through our front door.
I really feel I have no purpose in life now, we had no children as I was most 55 when we met but we had the rest of our lives planned and had been inseparable since the day we met 5 years ago.
My Mum keeps saying it will get better and comparing my grief to when she lost my Dad 15 years ago, she and Dad were together for 52 years, I got just under 5 years and feel so cheated.
Pete was the most loving and wonderful person, he was my best friend and we did everything together and went everywhere together. He was so tactile always holding my hand and saying how much he loved me and I just miss his hugs so much.
I would give anything to have one of those hugs, I feel so lonely even in a room full of people.
It’s been 13 weeks since he died very suddenly and unexpectedly.
I just don’t know hope to live without him.
Yvonne
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@Muldool
So sorry for your loss. I know exactly how you feel. I lost my Rob suddenly and unexpectedly 2 weeks before Christmas. We were together 24/7 and did everything together. We always held hands too and there were plenty of hugs and cuddles which I miss so much. He was also my rock, my soulmate and best friend. We had been together 11 years and were going to get married this year (had to cancel 2 years ago cos of covid) his wedding suit is hanging in the wardrobe 
I’m 68 and he was 75 and the kindest most caring man. I can’t function without him. He was my whole world. I too feel lonely even when around other people which isn’t often as I don’t go.anywhere really as I have chronic health issues. Everything seems pointless without him.
I am 68 too had been married just over 40 years. It is difficult to adapt to being on your own. You miss the companionship, even if they are in a different room. Trying to keep busy. Good days and bad days. We just have to take one step at a time. We have to try and think it as new chapter in life. It is hard but we have to try.
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Dear Angiejo2
I know that people say these things in an attempt to be supportive and think it is the right thing to say. But memories do not compensate for the loss of our soulmate, they for me at least do not fill the void that has been left since he was suddenly and tragically taken from me, the kids and grandsons. I thought I had years more to make beautiful memories.
Our son has set his wedding date today. I came home and cried. I do not want to spoil his big day but it will be hard. I know that me and the kids will all at some point in the day (for me the whole day) will just want the impossible.
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