Told to stop wallowing

Thank you all for your lovely replies to my comments.
As long as I have my rock n roll music, Peter is always with me.


Long live Rock’n’Roll! My darling husband and I have always been 70s/80s music lovers, but nothing compares to the swinging sixties and previously great 50s talented musicians. @Lonely, have you seen the Elvis movie? I absolutely loved it.

Dear Charm,
I am so sorry, I would not want to relive those first months without my husband, I honestly don’t know how I made it to where I am now.
If I hadn’t had our German Shepherd pet to take care of I would never have got up in the morning as I had to take him for walks and feed him. In time it does get easier but you never get over it, you just live a different sort of life, a life that you make for yourself but never a life you want, there is always someone missing. After eight years I still cry for what I have lost, I cry for what my husband has lost. He was 18 when we met at the Mecca Locarno and it was love at first sight.
The worst thing is knowing that you will never see them again in this life, but I do know I will see him and all our family in the next one. The only thing you can do is get through one day at a time. I made the biggest mistake of my life by keeping busy for the first two years to try and take my mind off losing Peter but I was so exhausted with it, then I realised nothing will ever take my mind off losing him so I had to accept that this was my life from now on so I then got up in the morning and decided what to do, if I wanted to go out I did, if I didn’t want to go out, I didn’t, I sometimes didn’t even get dressed but it worked for me, Peter deserved me to grieve for him and still grieve for him. You do learn to laugh again, you learn to look at their photos and smile not cry.
This is a life we don’t want but we have to live it the best way we can. I tried joining groups but they weren’t for me, I like doing my own thing now as being alone for eight years as made me a bit selfish, the only person I go out with is my neighbour if she wants to go somewhere and needs help, but I have had to cut that down a bit as she was treating me like her carer and giving me orders, so it depends on what kind of mood I am in as I don’t want to throttle her when she gets demanding.
Well today I have decided to have a few hours shopping, I am going to collect some glamorous designer sunglasses from the opticians, go for lunch somewhere, buy some cream cakes and then come back home, lock the doors and relax in my lovely comfortable home where I feel Peter all around me.
Lots of love,


You’re such an inspiration, @Lonely. I am only just over four months in but when I read your posts it gives me hope that I won’t always be just dragging myself through the days. Big cuddle to you. Jean x.


Morning Sheila,
I too like reading your posts, i feel you give lots of hope and insight not only to the *newbies" but everyone on here.
Counselling isn’t for everyone. Life experience goes further than a certificate.
You go girl – and strut down the high street with your designer specs on!!
Keep posting
G. Xx


Hi Sheila As a ‘newbie’ myself, your posts are what gives me hope there is a life in which there are moments of joy and we can learn to smile at the world again and through glamourous sunglasses! thank you. Lots of Love xxx


@Lonely - we lost our beloved cat a couple of years ago and not sure we ever got over that. I have severe arthritis in both feet and one hip which is now bone against bone. My husband would have looked after me so now I don’t want to get it done.

It means I can’t get a dog because of walking and picking up poo as I can hardly bend. A cat would be difficult as our village road out front has become really busy and although we have fields at the back if the was out for too long I couldn’t wander to look for it. I wouldn’t be able to bend for a litter tray even though I had years of practice and my hubby did it. Even going to the vet - our Toby was heavy and it took both of us to get him very reluctantly in. No problem when we left the vet - he shot in. I would dearly love a furry companion but I think those days are over. I am very pleased for you. Xxx

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Dear Jean, Grandma and sandi,
Thank you all so much for your lovely words.
Believe you me you will come out the other side although it won’t seem like it at the moment. You may find the second year the worst as the first year you didn’t have time to come to terms with anything as you were all so busy sorting paperwork out, but whatever happens you will survive. You will scream and shout, wish people would just vanish into thin air as you won’t have time to bother with idiots who have no idea of what you are going, through pray and pray for your soulmate to come back home again, and hope that this is all a bad dream and things will be okay in the morning but then you find it isn’t okay. Things will eventually start to fall into place. You will swear because things start to go wrong and you have no idea what the hell to do as your soulmate did it all. I have lost count of the ornaments I threw across the room in anger and frustration, but I found workmen by going on Facebook and Age UK and they are still on my phone list eight years later as they were fantastic.
I got my Gucci sunglasses, cost me a fortune as I also had varifocal lenses put in them, Peter would have a fit if he knew how much money I spent on them.
We are all in the same boat, some, like myself, further on than others but we are stronger than what we think.

After Peter died my hair fell out, my teeth fell out, I bought a wig that was just like my own hairstyle and colour and had dentures that I swore I would use super glue on them as they kept falling out. I once ate a McDonalds beefburger and had to take my teeth out as they were sunk into the burger and it all came out in once piece which our grandchildren still talk about. Now my hair has grown back, and my new dentures fit lovely so everything has settled down,
Love to all.



Dear Charm,
I feel so sorry for you, in so much pain. Our 52 year old daughter in law is waiting for two knee replacements as it is now bone on bone, her mum is waiting for a hip replacement and she is in agony.
I thought about getting a dog after our German Shepherd died but I just didn’t have the patience as so many things were going wrong in the house and I didn’t know which way to turn, now eight years down the line without my husband I have got used to not having a pet. I would have loved a parrot one of those big coloured ones so I could learn it to talk but I have asthma and the GP said it is not healthy with all the dander they give off. Since our German Shepherd died my asthma has gone, I think it must have been the dog hairs.


Wear you Gucci sunglasses with pride Sheila, you have earnt them, l am sure your lovely Peter would have agreed. Still smiling at the thought of your teeth stuck in the burger. Much love xx


@Lonely - much love to you Sheila. What a tangled unending web we are all in. Xxx


I do love hope to us newly bereaved…i think through time we will all get used to this new way of life.we gave to i dont fancy the alternative…i am only 4 months on this journey that i never thought for 1 second i would be on in my life but we have to learn to accept. Xx


Dear All,
It is not an easy path we are all on but it is a path we eventually learn to walk on alone. My heart aches for all the newly bereaved and what they are going through and there is nothing I can say that will make it any better.
I now find the past is more real to me than the present and I never, ever look forward, I take it one day at a time. The past is where we were together, happy and so much in love and I think myself lucky that I found my soulmate.
Love to all,


Oh dear. I’m sorry Sheila but the denture story cracked me up xx.


Lonely you a breath of fresh air in this club no one wanted to join. Wish I could jive! x


This weekend apart from it being Mothers Day is my birthday the first one in 40 odd years on my own. Last year how difficult it was for him he still managed to get me some lovely Emma Bridgewater plates, I'll never let them go! My family have been lovely as my brother and his wife are coming tomorrow , my sister took me out for lunch today she does get at her husband when we are out she will learn what it means to loose him . To sum it up my son sent the flowers to the wrong address my friend now has them but I had a lovely time today. I have sort of mixed emotions as lost Colin on 13th July most of the time I am ok but then it hits me like a ton of bricks. I am selling our home of 26 yrs but have moved back into a cottage we married from so only have happy memories here. I dont think I am wallowing I think I am being perfectly normal. Anyway I really will have to learn to jive Take care everyone as i said not a club we wanted to join but we did.


On the contrary @Lonely , you help MASSIVELY as you give hope to many that things can improve in this life we never anticipated. I and many others thank you for that.
Karen xxx


I spent my first birthday in 50 years alone as daughter had tested positive - son & family didn’t/wouldn’t
visit , until I’d taken a “official” covid test via the test centre.
I still don’t understand why they couldn’t speak thru the window or stand in the driveway for a few minutes.
Yes, I wallowed in self pity and can’t forget their thoughtlessness.
G. X


@Grandma oh how awful for you. I would certainly have thought being outside would be perfectly ok to do.
Karen xxx


Ah @Heather56, I’m sorry for your loss. You lost your husband on the last wedding anniversary my husband and I were to spend together. It sounds like you’ll have a nice birthday with your family but I know it won’t be the same. I had my birthday in February. Oh and if you want to wallow then do so and sod what anyone else thinks. I’ve wallowed a lot since I lost David. It’s MY grief and MY loss and I’ll wallow if I want to! Much love to you. Jean xx.