Too early to go and going back to work

I am 34 and lost my mum 10 years ago when she was 46. My dad became my rock and I lost him 3 weeks ago aged 56 very suddenly. I’m in utter disbelief and feel so angry that they have been robbed of their lives. My children robbed of having grandparents. I hate seeing friends parents with friends children, it hurts so much.

I have come back to work this week (a week after the funeral) as I felt I probably should/expected to and because I was only feeling sorry for myself at home. However now I’m going through the daily motions I feel so sad and angry.

Has anyone been through similar? How long did people take away from work?

I’ve lost both parents. My Dad nearly 20 years ago and my Mum six weeks ago. I understand how raw, emotional and sad it all is. I cry without warning. It just comes upon me. I’m not quite in the situation that your are re work. I wasn’t working prior to Mum’s passing. I personally am not rushing into getting work. I might find something that just covers costs in a few weeks times. At the moment I feel incapable or much at all.

Orphanedalready, I forgot to say sorry for your loss.

Hi,
I’m sorry for the loss of your parents. It’s so hard when the second parent dies.
My dad died suddenly aged 53, 21 years ago of a heart attack. Life was hard but I had my mum so could cope with the loss. Then 21 weeks ago, my mum, a healthy fit looking 74 year old died very suddenly of a brain hemorrhage. Mum and I did everything together and although I intended to return to work the day after the funeral I just couldn’t. I spent most of my day in tears and had zero concentration.i only returned to work 6 weeks ago after 3 months off sick. I really needed that time to recover enough to cope with going back. Even now I am only on 50 percent hours and hoping to be fully operational at the end of the year which will be over 6 months since her passing.
My work have been fantastic and I appreciate not everyone gets that level of sympathy and understanding. At the end of the day your health is paramount now and you have to look after it.
Cheryl x

I’m so sorry for your losses they went far too young I can’t imagine how angry and unjust life must feel. I went back after 4 weeks on reduced hours. I work for an agency so I can pick and choose how many hours I do each week. At the moment I’m still only working about 10-12 hours. It’s all I can cope with. Mum died 3 months ago. I work with children and I’m really struggling to continue with this job. I no longer have the patience and strength to work with the kids I had been working with.

Another terrible story of loss, I’m so sorry to hear about yours. That feeling of you and them being robbed I can relate to. Life never seems to be fair at all.
I’ve only ever really had my mum as a parent, my dad came into my life around a year ago and is now in a care home with vascular dementia many miles away. Not look forward to that future. Because I was so close to my mum both literally and mentally, and because she has been the guiding light of my whole life and involved with my family so closely over the years, it was devastating when she died suddenly 11 weeks ago tomorrow.
As for going back to work, a bit like you, we had the funeral 2 weeks after her death and then I took the following week off amounting to around 3 and a bit weeks off. I thought going back to work was the right thing to do both for my employer and myself but I I have to say that the first week back I just stared at my computer screen most of the time and got nothing done, concentration, motivation, interest, all gone. It was a bit surreal to be honest, how life goes on as normal around me and yet my world had ended. The second week wasn’t any better and it was almost a waste of time me going back.
Here I am almost 11 weeks later and I’m still struggling to get motivated and interested in what I now perceive as not important in my life - apart from the obvious I need money to live. I’ve spent a lot of time in these forums although the last few days I’ve been horribly ill so off sick so I can say that I’m still not that effective in my job and it worries me.
Everyone is going to heal and be able to function with work at different rates. I don’t think there is a right or wrong way to feel at these, the most emotional intense times of our lives. Take it easy and I would expect that your employer would also not expect too much of you at the moment. Best thing to do is have an open discussion with them and if they have been through this themselves then they should totally understand.

Sorry to hear you’ve been ill shaun.
Lifes just miserable at the moment isn’t it.

Thanks. There’s a lot going around at the moment. I wouldn’t wish this on anyone here who already have enough too deal with! On the plus side, I’ve lost weight.

Hi. There. Three weeks is so little time. Your feelings and emotions will still be raw. Disbelief and denial are so common in grief. We just can’t believe it’s happened and are in a state of shock. Seeing other couples together and everyone playing ‘happy families’ can so often trigger anger. Why me? What have I done to deserve this? Nothing! It’s life and it can be so cruel at times.
Grief is so much an individual process. Some return to work quickly if only to keep their mind occupied by familiar surroundings. Others can take a long time before they are fit for work. Don’t rush it. Have you seen your doctor? They can often help, if not with medication then advice about bereavement services. We all know the pain of loss on here. I can only send my prayers and thoughts out to you at this very difficult time. Go slowly. One day at a time. Blessings.

Hi

It totally depends on personal preference and only you will know when your ready to return. For me…I went back work the same week that my mum died and then took a day off for the funeral and back the next day. I wasn’t ready…I’m still not ready not BUT 1. I don’t get paid for “sick” pay or breavement leave whatever it’s called :roll_eyes: so I couldn’t afford it and 2 I’m such a Livewire I literally can’t sit still and I know if I was at home it would be playing round and round in my head.

It’s still early days for you so don’t feel like you have to put on a brave face at work just because it’s expexted…be open with your feelings and take each day at a time. Can you not do a phase return and try a couple of days a week? Some employers are funny about it (like mine) but your mental health is so much more important than any job. Take care of yourself xxxx

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