Too much bereavement

The past 3 years I have lost five people that meant soo much to me and my children. First my mum (ovarian cancer) then my fiance/partner of 12yrs (killed by drunk hit and run driver), then my ex in laws both from cancer then this year my beloved dad from pneumonia influzenza a.
The biggest shock was that of losing my beloved soul mate fiance.
Both me and my youngest seem to be finding this the hardest of all.
I just want to be able to help him get over these traumatic events but he seems to be still not able to let his feelings out. I just wish to hide the sadness from my life but can’t due to not having anyone realky to talk to who will understand and nit judge me.

Hi Karen,

I’m so sorry that you’ve been through so much loss in the last few years, including your beloved fiance.

It sounds as though it’s really hard not being able to have anyone to talk to. You’ve come to the right place here, as there are lots of people on this Online Community who understand the grief of losing a loved one. While you wait for more replies to your post, you may also want to read and reply to some conversations started by others, for example:

  • Karen381 also lost her partner and her parents and started the conversation: In terrible pain and despair

  • Michelle Mac is also worried about supporting her son after the death of her husband, and started the conversation: Feel like a bad mum

We also have some information on our website on supporting children and young people with bereavement - you might find it helpful to have a read of these:

If there’s anything I can help with, or you have any questions about using this Online Community, please do get in touch.

Community Manager

Hi Karen, I am so very sorry to hear of all your bereavements in the past 3 years. I thought I was bad and unlucky enough that I have had 4 bereavements in the past 17 years but you have had even more tragedy than me! I get very angry, bitter and resentful that some of us have so much suffering with bereavement yet others sail through life with nothing and keep their partners and parents until old age. I know I am harbouring a lot of resentfulness and bitterness and have even stopped seeing people who are in couples and who have families and have a happy life. Bereavement has made me into a bitter person which I know is not good but I cannot help it. On 13th July, I lost my partner and soul mate and I am really struggling. He was my life, my best friend and the love of my life. I feel as if my life and future has no meaning and there is only a ‘sea of nothingness’. I want to go with him and life has no meaning anymore. I am in a deep, dark pit of snakes that I want to get out and away from but I can’t. The pain is so excruciating. As I have been through bereavement before, I know it is a long hard journey full of pain and hurt and suffering and it takes time, and I will go through many painful emotions and feelings. I also know that you can’t go over it, under it, around it but you have to go THROUGH the bereavement process. I do not have any children so cannot help you with the best way to help your little one. It must be so very hard, not only dealing with your own grief but seeing your child grieve too and not being able to let his feelings out. I have heard that grieving children are encouraged to paint and/or draw to express their feelings. However, as with us adults, he will probably do it in his own time but at least he will have you there with him to ease his pain by cuddles and love and talking. I am sorry you have no one to talk to but this community site is good and I read postings and reply and I find it helps to know others are in the same boat as me and we can share feelings and emotions without being judged. I am lucky that I have one good friend who phones me every day and we talk and she doesn’t judge me but I also have another friend who was good when Dave first died but now I sense she is losing patience with me as I am not progressing as quickly as she thought and when we talk I am going on about it all the time and am so depressed which I can’t help. So, I do know that it is hard to get people to talk to without being judged. I think some just do not ‘get it’ and do not realise how isolating, painful and truly desperate this situation of being in bereavement is. Others seem embarrassed by it and do not know what to say. As I have said to others “we are in a club that we do not want to be in at all but we can’t get out of it”. Anyway, all the best. I am a ‘Karen’ too. Take care and I am thinking of you and your little one. Karen