Too much to cope with

I’ve been through some really tough times in my life, but the past 6/7 months have been the worst. The pain continues. It began when my Partner woke up one morning and out of the blue told me it was over and wanted me to leave that day. I start with this because my mental state was then already at breaking point for the next much bigger shock. Within 8 weeks of returning, homeless, jobless, penniless, 200 miles away from him to live my parents, my mum was rushed to hospital and we were told she would die within hours. She was put on a palliative care ward and I stayed day and night with her for 3 days and she made some improvement. Then on the 4th day I returned home for a change of clothes and found my Dad feeling ill. He was taken to hospital by ambulance and put on a respiratory ward. My dad was a very fit and healthy man for his age and had been driving his car to the hospital to visit my mum. I then was told my dad was going to die. I spent 4 days going up and down in the lifts to each parent. My Dad could have been saved, but the doctors had other ideas. He died a terrible death , begging for food and water for 4 days. They gave him nothing. They didn’t communicate with me over either parent’s condition and doctors gave conflicting information. My Dad died and my mum ( who hadn’t even been told about my dad by medical staff) then signed herself out. I have been her sole 24/7 carer for the past 6 months as she now nears end of life. When she passes, I will be homeless.
I have no Job to afford my own home because of my partner’s actions preventing me from starting my new job which was to commence that month. My mental health is very poor. I can’t focus. I cry all the time about my dear Dad and about my ex- partner and about watching how much my mum is suffering. My Dad was my rock. A very grounded man, kind, gentle, supportive. My mum is very angry. I have a sister who doesn’t come near and to top it all, she is claiming full Carer’s allowance for my mum even though she never visits and calls on the phone only once a month to see if she’s getting her inheritance soon. She’s threatened to throw me on the streets as soon as my mum passes away.
I am near to breaking point. There is so much grief in my mind. I have nobody to talk to and sometimes I would just love to be hugged by someone while I cry. My mum isn’t one for hugs and she gets very angry if I cry for my Dad. I have to hide my doubly broken heart. Where do I begin to cope with all this?

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Oh my goodness you are doing so well just getting through all this and being your mums carer, I think you should get help with her care if you possibly can you need some respite.keep posting others will be along you are not alone

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Im so sorry to hear of all you have been through, @Nima and all you are still trying to cope with. Youve not had any space to process all your feelings from your relationship break up, and then losing your Dad, before being plunged into this situation with your Mum. My heart goes out to you :heart:

Theres so much for you to deal with, i can appreciate it must feel overwhelming, so maybe try and tackle one issue at a time - the first one being getting you some support as a carer. :people_hugging:
I cared for my Mum the last year of her life and i know how exhausting that can be. Do you have external carers coming in, a palliative care team, social services working with you? If you are not receiving support please reach out to social services and they can come in and assess what support both you and your mum need, such as respite care every week. Also check out what support is offered for carers in your local area- i think its different across the country. For example, my local hospice offers carers support groups and free access to complementary therapy to help with stress. With regards carers allowance, have you also applied for this? There is no reason your sister should be receiving this if shes not caring for your mum. From what i recall when i applied for it, they also wrote to mum and she had to confirm i was caring for her before any benefit was paid. My local carer support organisation was great - they had a benefits adviser who told me what I’d be entitled to and even made the application for me. If youre unsure who to speak to, i think citizens advice, social services and your local palliative care team are good starting points.

It also sounds like you really need someone to talk to about everything you’re been through and are dealing with now - you need to grieve for you Dad, and for your partner. I totally get your statement that youd just love to be hugged whilst you cry - the times i have thought that very same thing these last few months! :broken_heart: Would you consider accessing counselling? Your GP should be able to make a referral for you, or again there might be services offered in your local area. Sue Ryder also offer free online counselling.

Please keep posting on here as well, there are people who understand and care - you’re not on your own. :heart::people_hugging::heart: