First post, so apologies for the long read…
My husband died of bowel cancer 8 months ago, at the age of 58, after 2 years of treatment. It was a difficult time and we did make lots of arrangements to make things easier for me, such as sorting out all the finances, funeral etc. etc.
However, 8 months later and i’m really struggling. Most days are pretty much going through the motions. Lock down sort of made things easier because it was something that everyone was having to go through but now that restrictions are easing (I live in Scotland, so a bit behind some others) I am starting to struggle again.
I really see no point in my life, I don’t know what purpose I serve or what good I am to the world. I’m not suicidal or anything, just trying to make sense of the world, given we had such big plans for our retirement.
We both took early retirement when my husband was ill so I don’t work. We moved to a small town just 2 months before he was diagnosed so I don’t have family or a big network around me. I walk my dog twice a day which has been good because at least it makes me go out of the house.
I just don’t know what to do with myself to make things better or how to move on.