@Lonely I totally agree. Sharon was unexpectedly (although we knew she was terminally ill) given 3-4 days to live on Christmas Eve last year, and Christmas Morning going from the hospital to the hospice was just out of this World; everything changed. So - as no one is coming to my house at Christmas either - there will be no tree, decorations etc, and anyone who sends me a Happy Christmas card will be blanked forever. I’m not sending cards etc - how could I?
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@Solost That was a nice sensitive thing to do.
But I can’t bear Christmas, and to make it worse my younger son’s wife (they have my 3 grandkids who I love and love me) has banned them from seeing me as I offended her by not getting together with her Mum. I’m trying not to get angry, but bearing I mind they have given me zero support, I just need to “be kind to myself” and move on from them, as the total devastation from my joined soul with my girl being ripped apart it too much on its own.
And being on this other planet where everything is the same, but everything has gone, is just too unreal to handle.
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Hi DennisS
I’m 2 weeks in on this planet, it’s a lonely place to be.
I feel like time has stood still yet also flown by. The days are short and the nights drag on, I sleep on and off all night and everytime I open my eyes just for that split second I think it’s not real, then that aching in my heart smashes me straight back into reality
Sam x
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@MemberD72 The first few weeks are - in my opinion - the worst. Stick with this site, listen to others on this unreal Planet WTF, and talk…
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Hi Dennis
I too am on Planet S - - t, thank goodness for this community. Although I wish none of us were here, it’s comforting to know I’m not alone.
This is my first Christmas without my lovely Martyn, I am ‘doing’ Christmas lunch as I have an elderly, sometimes incontinent dog and my sister couldn’t possibly cope with that! So I face being host on my own and I really am not in the mood.
On Boxing Day it’s a Wright family day and my lovely stepson (I hate that word) is hosting it. Luckily he’s only in the next village. The whole family will be there - 30&, they all loved Martyn dearly and miss him too. The thought of being there without him is killing me, he was always such a big part of it with his jokes and stories. I can’t wait for Christmas to be over so I can just be here at home on planet s - - t!
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Hi Everyone,
I don’t know what planet I’m on. What I do know is I open my eyes each day and it is the same awful realisation that he is not here with me. It sucks. X
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Hi Loobyloo2
I hear you, at times I feel like I’m watching this happening to someone else. The awful reality of facing each day without him kills me inside. Where do we all go from here?
Sam xx
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I hear you too. I am at a loss how to move forward when every memory brings a deep sense of loss; where I cannot find joy in the things we used to be grateful for and when I feel a deep void of emptiness without my soulmate of 35 years. I fail to visualise it ever getting any better and I just dont know how to do life without him here.
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Fran22,
I don’t know where we begin… I’m just losing all hope here. I feel like I’m being tested to my absolute limits and don’t know how much more I can physically take
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@PamW Yep, 1st of everything is terrible. And they keep playing that song “last Christmas” on the radio which keeps putting me back into the ambulance with my darling sweetheart last Christmas Morning. Hate Christmas.
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I am here with you all on this horrific planet. I lost my darling Ken nearly 11 weeks ago and it gets worse by the day, he was 64.
He retired by taking redundancy 2 years ago, right in the middle of the pandemic and it affected his mental health badly with everything being closed.
But we got through 2021 but then he started having health problems . He was diagnosed with diverticulitis, then in May this year he was told he had bladder cancer. NHS were brilliant and got him in for surgery really quickly, during this time we even went away to Santorini, a holiday postponed from 2020. He was told in July that he had the all clear which we were so happy about.
In September it was our 35th anniversary and we had booked 2 weeks in Thailand to celebrate. When we were there I slipped getting out of bed on a tile floor which ruined it somewhat. We got back home on 19/09. I was signed off work as was in a cast.
On 28/09 he collapsed with a cardiac arrest on the stairs. I couldn’t move him or give him CPR as I only had one working arm but paramedics were there in 5 minutes, god bless them. They managed to bring him back but it was too late. He passed 3 days later in ITU. I give thanks for my broken wrist now as otherwise I would have been in work when he collapsed so at least I was there and know he didnt suffer in any way.
But now I’m lost, I just don’t know how I’m going to survive without the love of my life - like all of us.
So many of your stories resonate, I’m reading them and thinking that was us, that was us so thank you all for sharing.
I’ve had 2 cards and they both upset me, one because it was to both of us and the other because it was just to me. Not sending any or putting a tree up.
Just gonna hibernate at home on Christmas day and raise a glass to my darling from my sofa with my 2 fur kids.
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Sending you a big hug
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To everyone who is grieving and lonely. I lost my husband after 54 years of marriage 5 months ago and like all of you out there on this horrible planet my mind is constantly on our lives when we were young and courting and just married and the memories hurt so much. People say to me that they are happy memories…yes they are but so poignant it feels like we are almost still in that time and era and the thoughts make me feel as if I am going mad. I am supposed to be going to my granddaughter’s carol concert tomorrow but I feel I just can’t face the emotion of the carols and the memories they bring back. I feel as if I shall just be too emotional. my own sister berates me for this and says i am wallowing in it. I’m not…just how I feel. it will always be bad i know without him but some things make me feel worse. just not really coping.
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Oh bless you. I remember 3years ago just after my husband had died. Any Christmas song reduced me to tears. So sorry your sister can not show some understanding. This is such an awful feeling and when people are insensitive I just think. You might have to walk this road one day and I’m sure when they do they’ll realise comments actions were so missed placed. I’m sure you can’t wait for it to be pass the feastive season. Lots of us feel that to.
Take care x
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My sister was widowed at the age of 50 very suddenly but she had a young daughter who needed her care and attention and although I do not underestimate her loss or minimise it at such a young age she was very occupied and had a future to look forward to. She has always been tougher than me and I guess she cannot equate a long marriage to her shorter one and thinks I am being weak. so I try and understand but sometimes I don’t need harsh words. I* always say to people “I’m trying to be OK…but I’m not ok actually” and that is the bare bones of it…like so many people on this forum. I did not want my husband to carry on living in the state he was in which was so hard to witness (Dementia plus after effects of Covid plus heart trouble) but now I miss him so terribly. For him he is hopefully at peace but for all of us who are grieving there is no real peace is there?
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I lost my beloved wife of 20 years , last September.
Everything in the house is a constant reminder of our happiness so yes it does really hurt .
I’m just getting to stage that if a memory of our life comes up on Facebook I can now share it even it will make me cry .
I have a picture on my phone and in my phone case and I think this helps a little .
Last Christmas I wasn’t alone , I spent it with my daughter.but I’m dreading this Christmas because for the first time in 20 years I’m making Christmas dinner by myself . X
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I had to dip out of. carol service today too. It is too much after just 4 months without my soulmate. Some days , when I make myself busy , are not too bad but that dreadful void in every room cannot be denied. I just miss his presence, his conversation, his support , his smile and the togetherness.
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Thank you all for replying as it makes me realise that other people are just the same as me. Dementia unfortunately completely spoiled the last two years of our lives together as I found it hard to accept that this lovely man who I had loved and married and gone through trials and tribulations with together was now a person who was so changed mentally and I struggled emotionally for which I shall always feel guilty as the whole situation made me frustrated and irritable. His dementia didn’t bring put the best in me but I loved him so much I found it hard to bear and even harder now. But thank you again for your kindness in replying.
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People have to be in the same position to understand.
My own brother told me to "get over her and move on " as you can imagine he got both barrels from me
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