It is 9 weeks today that my life changed forever. I lost my beautiful mum, my best friend and partner in crime only two days after she came to visit me. The first time in a year after the pandemic as she was living abroad. We - my brother and I- received an email from a neighbor that our house is on fire and mum dead. We couldn’t believe it initially. I never forget the sight of the house burned down, the smell of the fire still lingering in the air. Everything gone. Now 2 months after the event I struggle to come to terms with it. One is purely reactive, I feel on a rollercoaster of emotions. I miss my mum so very much. Thinking why didn’t I say more meaningful things to her whilst she was here. Only got a tupperware container of her personal effects. All lost in the fire. It is so hard, pushing me to my limits every day. People tell me to be patient, self compassionate, but actually living and working through the grief is one of the most difficult and defining periods of my life. The only person who could have helped me through it is the one I lost. Next week would have been her birthday. I try to remember all the good times we had. One baby step at a time.
Saskia, I’m so sorry. That must be so traumatic and my heart goes out to you. I lost my mother one month ago today to cancer. My thoughts are with you, please try to look into counselling if you think that may be of even a small benefit. But I appreciate all you want is your best friend back. X
Dear K, thank you for your kindness 
, much appreciated. How are things for you ? It must feel very raw and fresh for you as you lost your mum only a month ago. I find it now, 9 weeks “in” , even more difficult. To manage myself day to day, carry on with my job and trying to establish a bit of a routine, which isn’t too much for me. Cried at work. The grievance process is so very tiring. I had two sessions of counseling / talking therapy, but found that extremely draining. Maybe I return for more sessions in the new year. Are you considering it ? What is helping you ? xx