Treating yourself with kindness

Just in case you haven’t found it yet, there is an interesting, and potentially useful, article on What’s Your Grief website on this very subject. It develops many ideas and suggestions that have been mentioned on this forum recently. It is the most recent article on WYG.

1 Like

Dear Yorkshire Lad
I’ve lost all my oomph today
Don’t know where it is but it has completely gone !
Going to drag myself out of bed now and try and be kind to myself and hope that helps pick me up a bit
How are you today ?
Even Wales winning the Grand Slam yesterday didn’t cheer me up and I love watching the rugby and so did my husband
He used to play until his late twenties
Anyway will shut up now and get up and see what happens to me next
Love Romy xxxxx

Hi Romy
I’m in the strange position of not actually knowing how I am today. I think I will find out as the day unfolds. I’m on the bus from Windermere to Keswick and I’m going to walk for a few miles at the side of Derwentwater. I hope to find some oomph.At least it’s stopped raining.
I like rugby but it’s Rugby League although I played Union and soccer.

Have yourself a good walk then
I have been playing myself you tube excerpts from the film Kelly’s Heroes this morning . All the bits when Oddball goes on about not giving him negative waves …especially in the morning
It cheered me up a bit
My husband loved that film
I may get myself a tee shirt saying it I think to drill it into my head that I must try and be more positive
I think the past six /seven months’ effort in the garage plus the grief has burnt me out
Let us all know how your walk goes
Love Romy xxxxx

I’m just recovering with a large hot chocolate and a hot cross bun.
I thought I was going to have a lakeside walk through Manesty and Brandlhow. Fortunately I met someone who had tried and turned back as too much flooding due to rise in lake level so saved me a wasted attempt. I took the high level terrace under Catbells and I was fortunate that the sun came out and lit up the snow covered fells.
It was a bad day yesterday and I turned back as my knee ached, and it was just like walking up streams all day, or down them.

I’m really grateful just to be able to do it but so frustrated at being so slow now as all the youngsters disappear over the horizon.

To make things worse my brothers sent me a final picture of my aunts house after a final day of clearing everything out and my cousin died last Thursday. This is my final hotel break in the Lakes, the last of five. I think they served their purpose and I’m learning how to exist in my own bubble, hopefully sufficiently self reliant now.
Not sure a t shirt would work unless you carry a large mirror. I’ve found I have to tell myself… an alternative internal dialogue.
Maybe it is just the effort of so much trying that catches up with us. After all it is pretty full on.

Wise words once more Yorkshire Lad. I was interested in your comment about learning to live in your own bubble. I too feel as if I am inside a bubble, but really not sure it’s a good thing or not. I am increasingly beginning to feel isolated and reclusive. It’s my decision. I like my own company and surprisingly being in my home. I say surprisingly as I have always much preferred the outdoors. I am hoping that I am not becoming depressive as this is the last thing I want. I can so relate to your comment about the effort catches up with you, it certainly does. I feel worse now than I did in the early stages. Perhaps I’m just tired, it’s such hard work this grieving.
I’m longing to get out walking further afield but it’s just a bit muddy at the moment and I just don’t enjoy struggling up to my knee’s in mud anymore. Like you I’ve had problems. My left foot and back have given me pain. Isn’t it annoying. Pleased you had a good day, I’m as jealous as hell though. I do walk every day, out with the digs for around two hours most days but stay close to home.

I think I might be turning into a partial recluse. I am not sure about the bubble either. I avoid other hotel guests. I don’t give anyone the opportunity to meet my eye. It’s almost like I’m scared of people seeing into me. I think this trip might be one too many in that I’ve felt like I’m going through the motions with no sign of any spark. I suppose I’ve always been keen on the idea of self analysis… Man, know thyself… but I don’t seem to be able to make any sense of anything now. Perhaps I’m just avoiding going too deep, too inward looking, too introspective.
I’m looking forward to going home and I’ve managed to change how I feel about that.
Maybe it’s not unusual to plateau. To take stock and have a period of recovery, and maybe look at what happens next.
I was watching leaves being buffeted around in a large puddle by the wind yesterday and thought how that analogues that was for how I felt yesterday. Had I been able I would have given myself a kick, but had to settle for a gentler “pull yourself together”. It was that sort of day… Even Bear Grylls would have struggled.

That should have been analogous.

I think we are close to a full moon and that’s why we are all going a bit peculiar. More peculiar than normal
Well that’s my theory anyway

Thankyou YorkshireLad. So much of what you say is exactly how I am feeling. I too am avoiding people. Although if I do come face to face I try to be chatty and pleasant but it’s hard work. I go through the motions but feel so heavy and boring. I can;t imagine how anyone would want to bother with me the way I feel. My home is becoming my sanctuary, even the allotment is annoying me. Yesterday more people around and they was actually daring to laugh and call across to each other, how I would have loved to tell them to shut up. When kids arrived making a noise that was me finished. I found myself avoiding members. I have decided I’m not really fit company at the moment so it might be better if I keep myself to myself and wait for this grieving to move onto the next stage. Perhaps the true Pat will emerge again. With half of me gone the other half can’t function on it’s own it seems.

Back to top