Triggers

So after 2 months off, I have decided to go back to work. From home. It has given me purpose but i find myself bursting into tears.
My husband would make my coffee and keep the log burner going. I can do these things but i feel so hopeless. I was in a shop yesterday and literally couldn’t stop the tears from falling. Our local mental health practioner tried calling me but when she couldn’t get through hasnt bothered trying again. Im not even sure she will be of use. I have a volunteer from Marie Curie calling tommorrow. I hope that helps. I dont know how to live without him i feel so alone

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@Andrea9 sorry for your loss. It’s a very tough journey. I’m further on than you, 6 months, and it does get easier. Still the sadness & loneliness but not the all consuming grief, like at the beginning. keeping busy has helped and going to work. Working from home must be difficult as you are not mixing with colleagues the same. Can you maybe go in at least occasionally? Sometimes a change of scene helps. Hoping you have some better days soon.

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Thank you. I can go in as and when. Ill try once a week. We have 4 dogs so i dont wsnt to leave them for too long as they miss him too.
Its good to know it will get easier. I shall stay away from Homebargains for a while.
My loss was so sudden i havent had time to process it. I know im lucky, we as a family had a few weeks to let him know he was loved and he was surrounded for his final days . I should also be grateful for him that he didnt have the 9 months we were told he woukd have as he hated being unable to go out.
Im also grateful for finding this site as its helped a lot

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In many ways your life pattern hasn’t really changed in that going back to work doesn’t give you a break from the unhappy environment that you now have without your husband. Sitting there working away your mind and body is waiting for your husband to bring the coffee,when the logs burn down the same happens,the tears then come and even more pain kicks in leaving you absolutely devastated and lost.
How do I know ? because it’s happening to me right now and probably everyone else on this forum so we are all struggling with the same issue, pain of loss and nothing to look forward to.
I’m sure people living around me must think that I have lost the plot because what I do is drop everything as soon as I start to feel the tears and then grab my coat and just go out,it doesn’t matter where I walk I just walk and cry until I’m ready to go back home.
Different things work for different people but whatever we do it doesn’t change the pain as that goes with us, just maybe avoid a few triggers if possible. The shop absolutely resonates with me,it never fails to bring me to tears so I try do less of it.
I really can feel your pain,I just hope someone can help.

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Thank you @miker just knowing Im not alone in this helps. I have family and friends but I dread them seeing me like this as they worry and of course cant help.

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Yes i do that too @miker … just grab my puppy and go for a walk !! Crying sometimes or just feeling sad … xxx who cares what the neighbours think !!!

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I think you should tell your friends and family how you feel … then they will be able to help you … dont hide it from them x

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@Deb5
So pleased your evening went well.

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My friends are easier than my family. My daughter had breast cancer last year and is struggling with that and losing her dad. Weve had a tough time . Thank God for our dogs :slight_smile:

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It did thank you @Rome18 dried my tears a bit although still had a little cry cos he wasnt there but it was lovely toasting him and saying hi and it was my little granddaughter who is only 5 who said lets sing happy birthday to grandad too :slight_smile: the manager in restaurant was so lovely too … just a lovely night ! Blessed really even through the sadness …xxx

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So pleased Deb, a lovely memory for you amongst the sadness. X

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@Deb5 oh that’s lovely of your grandaughter. Glad it went as well as it could. X

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Yeh shes a little love :slight_smile: her grandad loved her …xx

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wanted to share this poem with you all that my daughter put on facebook last night about her dad xxx

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@Deb5 That is beautiful

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@Deb5 Just beautiful! J x

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I also posted it quite a while ago, and I keep it handy on my iPad. When I’m feeling down, I read it and it helps me keep him close,

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Did you ? Aw … well always good to remind people xx

Yes, it is Deb, because of new postings who won’t have seen it.

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So up and down are you @Rome18 i miss him so much just sitting with me, talking to me :frowning: a cuddle to make me feel loved … its so sad … xx