Trying to carry on and failing

12 weeks and it keeps getting harder. I can’t and don’t want to accept I can’t see my dad again. My only hope now is tablets to lift my mood. I pray I can see him, if only for a minute and can’t control my emotions when I’m stuck at home yet don’t cry at work?. I’m either working or crying. I have no interest in seeing other people or doing anything outside of work. How do we accept loss? Where do we begin? Had an telephone assessment today but focus was on controlling depression and anxiety but I just want to see my dad again. Love to you all going through this :heart:

It is a struggle 3 months with my husband my son and daughter are feeling it more now just sinking in with them I think. They have mentioned several times it’s Father’s Day soon I said still get him a card. Emotions it’s a roller coaster ride x

Coming up to 8 weeks for me. When I’m at my mums house come 5 I still look out the window for him coming home from work. Makes my heart sink when I realise it’s not going to happen! I had an extremely vivid dream a few days ago where he came to my work and hugged me so tight, told me the cancer wasn’t gone but he was back. I was so extremely upset when I woke up, it truly felt like he was hugging me and god I wished it was true. Since this I’ve found it even harder than before. You’re not alone! Every night I go to sleep wishing I’ll see him again but yet to happen. Find the small wins in each day… going to work, having a conversation with someone that you enjoyed, remembering to eat! Everyone keeps telling me it’ll never get better, just easier. Clinging onto this everyday.

The following dates are not expressed to be impressive, they are what they are Dad, Edward passed January 83, leukaemia.
Do I miss him, YES, do I want him and think about a him, YES.
Mum passed 96, exactly the same.
Here’s the best thing, as time has passed the memories are different, I no longer see Dad in the hospital bed. I will tell my children about him he passed 5 years and 6 years before they arrived. Mum almost the same. Dads death seperated the family.
At 63, I have seen others either siblings or niece and nephews through Cancer follow their parents. Again the memory at first is like a lemon, sharp bitter and, without a chaser. Now they are the most favourite icecream,
My wife passed 19th June, Jamie my niece 8 days after, yes the grief is immediate at this time. But the one factor you have is for You, there is tomorrow and today.
My condolences and a hug with love, all the best

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