It is seven months today since I lost my dear husband and have tried to carry on positively. It’s been very difficult but hoped I was making some progress. I had a meeting to go to this morning and before going, I was overcome by not a large wave, but a tsunami. I managed to get myself together and went to the meeting but I had to leave after half an hour. I felt dreadful and could not concentrate, have sobbed since I returned home.
The nightmare continues.
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Rosemary. So sorry you are having such a bad day. It just goes to show how up and down this journey is. I am not too bad today. Trying to do some home exercises every day. So far lasted 2 days. Keep getting a nagging headache. Hope your meeting wasn’t ever so important. With the agents again? Tsunami is a great word to explain how grief can just wash us away. If today doesn’t get better I hope tomorrow does. Either have a cup of coffee or a good stiff drink if either will make you feel better. Thinking of you and feeling with you. Xx. Sandra
I am so sorry you are having such a hard time today.
I am not yet a month in so it is very raw but I have found keeping occupied helps a bit. I read on a thread on here however that six months in is a very bad time. Apparently it is when the reality, that this is now your new life, kicks in.
I honestly can’t imagine feeling worse than I do now but it seems it may get worse before it gets better.
X
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I am with you. It’s nearly 2 months for me. I don’t cry all day, every day now but it still hurts. I can’t imagine it being worse. I hope for us who are early in in this journey that it does improve but from posts it seems very individual. Xx. Sandra
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Rome18, allow yourself to cry and express your feelings, everyone here understands and accepts what you are going through, we know.
I think I cry every day, the enormous void, the hopelessness, the fatigue and the loneliness is so dreadfully painful.
Be gentle on yourself, I think it is good you tried to make the meeting, and to know you needed to leave is a strength.
I think we all struggle with focus and concentration, we can only try small steps at a time, keep trying, and accept sometimes you need to excuse yourself, don’t push it.
Take care.
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@Rome18
I am thinking of you and so hope you feel a bit better later .I have the same thing to face 29 Sep.
Loads of hugs
Annx
Thank you Sandra for your kind words. Glad you aren’t too bad today,
Coincidentally, I had a counselling session booked today, so I feel a lot better now.
It is scary the way these ‘tsunamis’ attack us.
Sending hugs Rosemary x
@Louise1951
Thank you for your kind words. I feel much better, I have had a counselling session.
It is very early days for you and it will be very raw. You need to take it a day at a time and please yourself what you do. Just wash and iron your husbands clothes. We all find out what helps us.
Take care, Rosemary x
@pgw69
Thank you for kind words, This dreadful journey we are on is truly heartbreaking. It really alters the way we used to think and act. I am not the same person I once was,
It is exactly 30 weeks today I lost my husband and it affected me this morning. I miss him more and more.
Best wishes, Rosemary
@19Lefke95
Thank you Ann. I feel a lot better now. I had a counselling session already booked which has helped me. Hope you are ok.
Rosemary x
I am so glad you feel better after your counselling session. It must be a hard day for you. My sister in law has just rung. They are off to celebrate their 50th wedding anniversary. They married 1 month after we did. My husband was the youngest brother. It really isn’t fair. Xx
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Life isn’t fair, so much suffering and so many rogues about with nothing happening to them. There is so much raw pain on here, it’s heartbreaking.
Take care, Rosemary
Weird. Other sister in law has just rung me. They do try and ring once a week and I can ring them any time.
@Pudding
It’s always a relief to know there’s someone you can call. How many sisters-in-law have have you got?
- 1 to my brother but she is suffering from terminal ovarian cancer and has months. 2 to my husbands brothers. I have known one of my sister in laws since I was 11. She married my husbands middle brother. I hope that makes sense.
That makes sense, shame they don’t live nearer to you. So sorry about your brother’s wife.
I wish more of my family lived nearer, There’s just my brother, he’s 10 minutes away. I have lost two of my close friends to cancer over the past two years, who would have been a great support to me, although two other friends have been ok.
@Rome18
Dear Rome18 I am so sorry to hear you are having a very bad time and send you love.
I remember on a thread yesterday that you said you were going to the meeting and was nervous. You did well to go and you should be proud of yourself.
There is nothing that can be said to make you feel better but you have friends on here who care xx
T
Dear @Alir
Thank you so much for your kind words. Yesterday was an awful day and I had to leave the meeting early. I saw my counsellor in the afternoon and felt a little but the ‘tsunami’ of tears started again during the evening, and I couldn’t face going to bed until quite late. It just goes to show how we can suddenly be hit very badly with this dreadful grief.
I feel a little better today but rather drained. Have spent quite a lot of time with a friend … actually sat in the sunshine which was lovely,
Hope you are ok today.
Love and hugs, Rosemary x
@Rome18
Dear Rosemary I know what you mean about the grief hitting us suddenly.
Yesterday was my husbands birthday, I cried and kept remembering this time last year. I have a video of him taken on that day, the last one, and looking at it now I can see he looks poorly. I also remembered that it was the last day he drove his car as he was taken back into hospital the next day and only came out again for a couple of days after that.
I went to see the bungalow I am buying again and I think the reality of moving has hit me a bit today.
I am pleased to hear you had a nice time with your friend today, it does help to have a bit of a distraction now and again.
I hope tomorrow is a better day for you, at least it’s not going to rain!
Sending love Alison xx
Louise.I have had a laugh at what you have said about the six month mark is when it gets worse, realisation kicks in.For the life of me I can’t imagine feeling any worse than I do at this moment.I don’t know why I laughed either .None of this hell is funny.I shook my first towards heaven.Grief is the gift that keeps on giving.I really hope today is a bit more bearable.I have no advice to give you.I am sorry for your loss.xx