Trying to cope with this awful grief

I lost my beautiful, wonderful husband 5 months ago, I have never felt anything like this before, grief is an unimaginable & all-consuming, very dark & exceptionally sad & terrible place to be. People say to me, it will get better or it gets better with time…. I cannot ever imagine that, as for me the longer I am without him the worse it feels. He was my one true soulmate in life & we were meant to grow old & grey together, not be apart. It goes through my mind several times a day that I actually don’t want to be in this cruel horrible life without him…. It all seems pointless. All our plans, our future stripped away so quickly & so cruelly, it’s unbearable to think he’s no longer here with me. I’m not expecting it to ever feel better than this but know I have to try & navigate this…… but how? I don’t even know where to start…. although writing this I suppose is a start because I know I’m not alone in this & don’t get me wrong, my family & friends have been massively supportive & I’m truly grateful to them but they have no actual idea how this really feels but I’m guessing that anyone reading this knows exactly how I feel & can understand & share with me?


I feel the same as you i lost my husband 3 months ago and the pain i feel just will not go away no matter what anyone say to me i find it hard when people who still have their husband so it will get better how do they know how it feels to lose you soulmate


Hi @NJL1
I know I certainly didn’t understand the level of grief of losing the love of your life until it happened to me almost 9 months ago. My darling 60 year old husband died suddenly one night after playing his weekly football. He was slim, seemingly fit and well with no idea that he was at risk of an embolus.

My main coping strategy is keeping busy, which I have to do anyway. My motivation to keep going is to make him proud, although I have no doubt that occasionally he is looking down saying “What the heck do you think you are doing?”

Keep posting here as there is loads of support from many who have had similar losses. One participant here put it so well recently when he described us as all being in the same storm in different boats, since the grief manifests in different ways in each of us. The basic traits are the same but there is no predicted path we journey on.

Sending you love xxx


Hi KarenF,

Thank you for sharing that with me & i’m sorry for your loss too. My husband was 53 & had always been fit & well, life feels so unjust & unfair.
I try to keep busy but these last few weeks I have struggled to find any motivation to do anything, Christmas hit really hard & really brought home to me that he really isn’t here anymore, I think before that I was still In a state of disbelief & although I still can’t comprehend it, it suddenly feels real but it helps to know others like you understand exactly how it feels to lose a partner…… thank you xx


I can’t remember when the disbelief stopped for me but I think it has. It’s possible it may hit again since none of us know what to expect at any given time.


@sue11 Like you, I too find it difficult to imagine that with time the pain will go away, I think it much more likely that we simply get so used to it, it therefore appears to lessen.
I’m in my seventies now and have no intention of ‘starting a new life’,
Life is lived, one day at a time, each the same as the last.
My mother was widowed when I was seven, she lived that life for another forty six years, I never once saw her cry or complain, she learned to live with it and I suppose that’s what we all do eventually, we put the pain in a box and shut it away.
However you feel or whatever you do will be right for you, take care and be kind to yourself, it’s what your husband would have wanted for you.


Yes everything so true.X


Hi @NJL1. I’m so very sorry for your loss. As I was reading your post, I could feel your pain. That’s the beauty of this site, we all know exactly how you feel. Nobody can comprehend the depth of despair and pain that we are going through unless they have experienced it themselves. People give what I call ‘text book’ responses such as ‘it’ll get better’, ‘time heals’ and all those platitudes . I know they are trying to help but it’s all just White Noise to me if they haven’t been through it. I agree about the disbelief as well. I think in the first weeks of shock my subconscious thought it was all temporary but when the realisation of permanency hits, it is truely indescribable pain. If only there was an analgesia for it! It’s ten weeks since I lost my 62 year old husband very suddenly and unexpectedly. I’m coping a little better but still get that ‘this is permanent’ sledgehammer to the stomach often. I’m lucky I have a big, exceptionally supportive family around me. Without them, I’d have followed my husband. Big cuddle and strength to you all. Jean xx.