Trying to cope

My darling husband collapsed and died nine months ago. He did have health problems and I was his carer but I didn’t expect him to die so suddenly. On the night in question I could not save him and that night lives with me over and over again. I try to keep busy all day every day, but the hardest thing is waking in the morning and knowing that I will never see him again. He was my best friend as well as a husband and we had been married for 44 years. I don’t know how I will ever get over this overwhelming grief.


Hi . I understand your pain . My hubby died almost eleven months ago . We had been together 43 years and married 39 . Together since we were both 16 . He is the only life I knew . He was also my best friend . Infact my only friend . We were so wrapped up in each other we didn’t bother with friends . I love and miss him more and more each day . I don’t feel like I am living a life without him , just exsisting every day . I don’t know if it will ever get any easier . It does help posting on this site . There is always someone to listen . And we all feel the pain . Xtake carex

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Thank you for responding to my message. I have been reading some of the other messages too and it seems that so many of the comments including yours reflect exactly how I feel. We were so close and because of my husband’s illness I had to shower and dress him every day and I so miss putting my arms around him to pull on his clothes etc. We were always together 24/7 and I also now feel as though I only exist and don’t really have anything to look forward to. The friends and family I have say all the right words but I don’t think anyone can truly understand how it feels to have lost my everything. There is no quick fix or easy answer. I hardly ever got upset in the past even during all the hospital visits we had to make for him, but now I cry every day which is just not like me at all.

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Hi I don’t even know who ME is anymore . I am so lost without him . I have good kids that does help . But don’t like to worry them or be a burden to them . They deserve a happy life . Like me and hubby did . I still cry every morning and night . And through the day if anything triggers me . Also when I look at his photos . Where is he . Why did this have to happen . We were suppose to grow old together . I am almost 60 and my life is over . I now feel much older . Where I always had a young outlook on life . I always still felt like a teenager when he was here . But now I have to act like an adult and do things I have never had to . And don’t like doing . My brother died the other day . And I so need hubby to help me . I just wait for the day I can be in my hubby’s loving arms where I belong . Thinking of you . Xtake carex

Hello @Maureen79

I can see that you are new to the community, so wanted to drop you a quick message. I’m Kate and am part of the Online Community team. Thank you for bravely starting this thread and sharing how you are feeling.

I’m so sorry to hear about your husband and also how you are feeling. So many of our community members have sadly experienced the death of a loved one so will understand much of what you are going through. You’re in the right place to find support, so welcome again.

You may also find the following Sue Ryder resources helpful:

I really hope you find the community helpful and a good source of support and I also hope you feel you can access more support should you need it.

Thank you again for sharing – please do keep reaching out and know that you are not alone.

Take good care,


Hi @Broken2222 I so relate to your grief I have no children and no close friends my beloved was my best friend and confidant I cry most of the day my David always used to say you have such lovely skin now it is a mass of blotches I sit here in doors all day waiting for perhaps a phone call but it never comes. I cannot sit outside as all I see is him at the gate begging him not to go on the farm that day but he went and my life changed forever. I feel every day there is no point being here and nobody would miss me as my life was his life. I am always so negative on here and perhaps I put everyone in a somber mood but I have no one else

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Hi , I know it’s so hard trying to cope without them . I wouldn’t worry about being negative . if that’s how you feel . You need to get it out , and what better place than this site . No one judges you and people understand and try to help . I try so hard to be positive but it doesn’t last long . I know my hubby wouldn’t want me being like this . But it’s me living existing it not him . I know he would of dealt with this grief much better than me . So all I can do is keep trying . That’s all any of us can do . Thinking of you xtake carex