Trying to find a foothold

Hi, I’m new here and 11 weeks into this god awful. journey. My best friend, my darling husband collapsed and died in front of me 11 weeks ago tonight and I couldn’t save him. While the rest of the world is coming to terms with it, each day for me is a fresh hell and I’m struggling to find anything to hold on to. Our world so full of love and hope and joy has gone. I don’t feel him close. My happy memories of our life are so inaccessible yet our life was full of them. I feel worse when I talk to anyone as I can see their discomfort so im trying so hard to say Im ok when anyone asks. This week I’m using a mild cold as an excuse to see no one but I need to face work tomorrow. I know I’m not unique and this absolutely shouldnt be easy but how on earth does anyone live with this pain and whats the point? We had no children so there seems little to carry on for. All I can do is cry but that’s hard on everyone else so how do you do anything but withdraw and isolate? I’m not really expecting any answers here. It’s just so hard isn’t it?

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Hello @Stillhiswife

I’m part of the Online Community team and I can see that you are new to the community - I’d like to thank you for bravely starting this thread and sharing how you are feeling. I’m so sorry to hear about your husband and how you are feeling, after the traumatic time you have been through. Most community members have sadly experienced the death of a loved one and so will understand some of what you are going through.
Please find below support from Sue Ryder

I really hope you find the community helpful and a good source of support and I also hope you feel you can access more support should you need it.

Thank you again for sharing – please keep reaching out and know that you are not alone.

Take care,



Hi. I’m so sorry for your loss, I understand how you feel as the same thing happened to me last December. My husband collapsed and died in front of me and there was nothing I could do to help him. Christmas was a horrible time for us ( I do have children) we had been married for 52 years. I am just beginning to remember the things we did together. I think we block them out because the pain is raw, and we don’t want to feel the pain. I took my dog for a walk this morning and as we were on our way back I said come on let’s go and see dad. That hit me hard as I hadn’t said that since he passed. We will remember the good times in time, all of us will do so in our own time and at our own pace but it will happen. One day we will think of something they said or did and be able to smile as we remember. It is hard and the pain will never go away but we learn to live with it. Take care

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Thank you so much Beachgirl. I am so sorry for your loss. It gives me some hope that the happy memories will return. At times it feels like he was a figment of my imagination, as if I made up the last 22 years. I think when your reality changes so suddenly you start to question everything, even the things you never doubted before. There’s nothing solid to ground you. This past week has been hellish but I forced myself to go for a walk after work - we both found nature a healer- and I felt a wee bit of Martin near me tonight I think. It might be imagination but I’ll take it. X