Trying to go on without my beautiful husband/ Soulmate

Its just over 7 weeks since Steve passed away so suddenly. He was just 58. He was the love of my life we did everything together, we also worked together running our business. We were so blessed, our lives were entwined and we truly lived life to the full.
We had so many plans for our future, We loved Spain and had been looking at a small apartment to move into in September this year. We had mulled over it for a couple of years and decided that life’s too short, let’s go for it.

I just cant believe Steve has gone. I’m so heartbroken, its so so painful. We were so happy. All our plans have gone now, it breaks my heart.
I just find myself lying in bed for days on end, it so hard to get out of bed. Strangely, though I feel quite safe there. I know its not healthy for me but I just don’t have the will to attempt to move or even try to do anything. The only time I go out now is to my doctors for more medication.

I can’t imagine any life without Steve. Does this really get better.
I have read so much on this community site which i know we can all relate to. I’ve also read so many books about grief and how people try to deal with it. I know I need to try and help myself but I just feel so lost. Nothing means anything to me any more, nothing to look forward too. I’m just so empty.
How do you get through such heart ache. Xx

Hi Geri im very sorry for your loss (im 15 months into my nightmare ).My advice is this take it day by day dont plan want to dont have to .7 weeks is very very early in your nightmare .Do you have friends or family to talk to ? theres also the Samaritians there open 24 7 365 .Try give yourself some me time .Unfortunately your nightmare will patiently wait for you to return to it .Dont be a stranger on here (maybe pick a member and private message them i do at times )Priscilla community manager will be able to help as well pm her ? keep coming back we are all in nightmares at different stages Colin (im 57 my Denise was 41 she passed 04032016 on her birthday

Thank you for your message Colin p

Yes I have my daughters who take turns to stay with me in the evenings. I know they can’t stay long term as they have their own homes and lives. I am so blessed in that respect. I have read so many messages on here where people are totally alone, that really breaks my heart.

My nightmare is very raw I know, but I feel like I’m not coping at all. I use to be confident and friendly .I feel nothing now I don’t even want to talk to anyone. I don’t recognise myself. I’m so numb
The days are so long and meaningless.

For the past 12 years, Steve and I ran our business together. shared an office. I know its all falling apart at the moment, but I really don’t care. I know it sounds so selfish of me but it doesn’t mean anything now without Steve. We were a team. People are advising me to keep it going in Steve’s memory, and to give me focus. I just can’t.

We were supposed to be semi retiring in September to spend our free time in Spain, He used to call it our second home.

Everything changed in a split second. He had a blood clot in his heart and passed away suddenly. I found him on the floor. It was just two days after we returned from a lovely holiday in Spain. I feel so sorry for Steve, he was so looking forward to our happy future together.
My heart is truly broken.

Take care and thank you Colin xx

Hi Colin p

So sorry for your loss and thank you for your kind words x

Hi I’m new to this site my wife passed away 11 weeks ago from a 2 year battle with cancer every thing you said I am feeling. I come home from work and just feel empty and alone even though there is people around me. I feel as though I am living through the nightmare every day and nowhere to turn

I lost my wonderful husband 8 weeks ago. Suddenly, unexpectedly a massive blood clot. Talking to me one minute, dead seconds later. We were, like you soul mates, my only love and coping without him is so hard. We were a,ways together and like you, had so many plans yet to enjoy. I get up, do the usual daily chores but they seem meaningless and certainly joyless. I have family, some near some far but their love for me sees me through each day. I cope because he would have wanted me to and I have a dog that relies on me to care for her. I also do it out of my love for him and I want to honour his love and memory by getting in with life. Some days I drag myself out of bed and wish I could climb back in and stay there, but I know I am the one who has to live with my actions and the longer I wait for ‘things to get better’ the longer it will take to start to heal. I hope you find the strength to start on the long road to coping on your own, one day at a time. Set yourself a small,target, get up get showered and dressed eat breakfast. Each day it will get easier and you will cope, slowly, hourly, daily. Some days will be as bad as ever, but by the. you have climbed out of your sorrow before, you can do it again. Keep,strong, talk about him, cry be angry it all heals.

Yes, alone yet surrounded by people, it’s weird isn’t it. I hope the pain lessens for you as I hope it does for me. The future seems a struggle and what direction my life will take frightens me. However, I know only I can deal with this in my own way, whatever your way is, is right for you and having people,here who you just know understand without needing to explain is such a comfort to me.

Like you the future frightens the he’ll out of me as dot was my world she always said I was her rock but I drew my strength from her

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How funny you should comment on that. my husband always said I was the strong one, I was but it was because he was beside me . Now, making every decision on every aspect of my life just seems an insurmountable task. Every decision right or wrong is mine, my kids are great, they listen… but their opinion is not what his would have been and discussions just don’t seem the same. I guess we have been together so long we really knew what direction things were going for us but life threw me this huge curved ball, no warning no chance to say goodbye, seconds and he was gone. I think the shock is really only just hitting me, you plod on doing what has to be done and then all the legal, official stuff is over and you have the rest of your life to get on with, a new normal… 20 plus years alone… terrifying. Eventually maybe a new friend or relationship even more terrifying!! So I deal with today, coffee now and pick the fruit than needs dealing with, how much blackcurrant cordial do I really need :slight_smile:

Hi Lonely

I’m so sorry for the loss of your husband.

I know I’m not alone in this awful journey. I have read so many posts on this community where some people have no family support at all, which truly breaks my heart.

The love from my children and my grand children are the reason I keep going.
Maybe I’m feeling sorry for myself, I really don’t mean too, but I can’t express my feelings any other way than the way I have.

This new life scares me so much, any future without the love of my life is so frightening. Steve was my rock, I have never been the strong one, or ever lived alone before, I’m just finding it so overwhelming,

I’m still in total shock that Steve is not here anymore, it’s still so raw and surreal for me at the moment.

I will try though to get up and do something each day. I do know that’s what Steve would have wanted me to do.
Thank you for your supportive words.

Geri xx

My husband, Peter also died 7 weeks ago tomorrow. Unlike Steve, he had been ill for some time, and I thought that might make it easier for me to accept. It doesn’t. Like you, it is so painful. At least, we have found this website where other people know what we’re going through, and are there to share our pain… I think all we can do at the moment is take things a day, or even an hour at a time, and try and support each other. People who haven’t been through this mean well,but they have no idea what it’s like.

Hi Mickey

I’m so so sorry for your loss.

It truly is a nightmare we are going through, we now realise the raw pain of losing the love of our lives. It’s just so heartbreaking to think we have to start this life we never asked for and never wanted.

Although I have family around me, talking to people who truly understand how you feel, helps me on my grief journey. They are going through the same heartbreak.

I have found the Sue Ryder community site has given me a lot of comfort, you know your not alone.
I also joined partners bereavement group on Facebook. it was recommended to me by a lovely lady on this community site.
I find that, connecting to support groups online, allows you talk to people who are sadly going through the same awful pain.
You can post exactly how your feeling. Everyone is in different stages of their grief and can offer advice when you need it.

Keeping your grief to yourself, keeps your emotions locked in, which I’m told isn’t good for us.

I have been experiencing terrible bouts of intense grief since Steve passed away to the point where I don’t move out of bed for days on end.
I look for support online during my terrible lows… it does help.

We are all on this heartbreaking journey which we didn’t sign up for!!

We are here to help each other.

Keep posting Mickey

Take Care Geri x

Hi Lonely That was truly beautiful and heartbreaking. What you said about things going wrong made me think about myself as ever since my husband, Phil, died I have had all the ailments he had i.e. sciatica, back pain. I used a walking stick for the first time yesterday because of the sciatica. I never understood how much the pain was. I also believe in the after life and I felt my hubbie so close this morning because I dreamt of him last night. I say good morning and good night and I love and talk to him all the time around the house and joke about not being able to cook not that he is not here and all things like that. Some days I feel okay and then other days I feel like crying until there is no tomorrow but we have to get up and get on with it but I mostly hate it with a passion. My grandkids miss Phil so much. The two younger ones we think can see him but the other grandkids cry on a regular basis mostly after they have dreamt about him wanting him back. I miss them rushing in shouting and hugging him. It must have been his persona. I love and miss him so much. We spent nearly forty years together and he was always the go to person. He always said he knew a little about a lot of things. I miss the banter between us, knowing the love we had. 63 is no great age now. Big hugs to you xx

Just been reading all these conversations. When I’m feeling low at this time ever evening I come on this site and realise that I’m not the only one going through this grief and pain. Im not the only one crying every evening wondering why I’ve been inflicted with all this pain My husband was only 66 when he died too soon. He had just retired. I feel we have both been cheated of a long and happy retirement together.Like you all I miss someone greeting me as I come home, the chit chat, the jokes etc.
To all those suffering my thoughts are with you, Katy

Hi all I’ve had some very low days without my mom she was my best friend,I have to keep going for my children I am completely lost without her I’m just trying to keep myself busy ,I hope you all have a better day it’s very lonely.

Hi Geri
My heart breaks for you. The pain is worse than physical pain. I know exactly how you feel.
I too lost my husband in January after 7 weeks of illness he was 56 i am 48.
We were together 13 years and had a wonderful life. We made plans to retire this year and rent a place in Turkey we should of moved there in march.
Life stops while everyone elses goes on. I got myself two puppies to look after and it gave me a purpose to get out of bed.
They have saved me and turned my life around.
I miss Steve every second of the day but life does go on.He wouldn’t want me to make myself ill.
He was my life my everything . I look at couples and think why me. why can’t I be happy with the love of my life. Why was he taken he was such a good man and was never ill. He didn’t have a day off work in 32 years. Life is so cruel I fell so cheated.
He always said to me if you can’t change it don’t worry about it.
I can’t bring Steve back I only have memories and nobody can take them away.
I have a very large family but feel so lonely.
I have found the dogs anti depressants and counselling really has helped me.
The anti depressants take the edge off the pain so you can function. The counselling helps you talk to someone who understands grief and explains what is happening with your mind and body. I had my last session yesterday. I feel I have turned a corner now and have started to accept I will never see Steve again.
I feel Steve is with me everywhere I go and he will always be there.
Its 6 months since Steve left me and I never thought I would feel human again. Nothing is ever going to be the same but I am learning to live with out Steve.
Its very early days for you.Be kind to yourself and take all the help you can.
Take care and msg me any time you want.
Sharon xx

Hi Sharon

Thank you for your lovely message.
I’m so sorry for the loss of your husband.

It’s so sad to realise that everything we had planned together will never happen now. Like you, we had so many plans for our future. We were so looking forward to a new chapter in our lives together in Fuengirola, the place we visited many times each year. I never imagined it would end this way. Life is so cruel. Like you I feel so cheated, but I would never change a single minute of our life we had together, it was so wonderful, he truly was an amazing man.

I’m finding it so hard to accept that my wonderful Steve has gone. I know it’s early days for me but accepting that I have to continue my life without him breaks my heart. It all just feels so meaningless now.

I’m waiting to start counselling, hopefully it will help me come to terms with my loss and learn to live with this awful pain

It’s lovely that you got your puppies, they must give you so much comfort. I have also considered getting a little dog, but at some point I will have to go back to work and would be out most of the day. I think it is definitely something for me in the future.

It is so comforting to know that you have turned a corner, it gives me hope that one day I can do the same.

Thank you for your kind support

Take care Geri x

Hi thank you for your message ,it must be terribly hard for yourself aswell ,it is a very hard lonely thing and know body knows till you go through it your self,for all the negative things that go through my head I keep trying to pull a positive from that ,I still believe I’m in a state of shock cause I keep thinking what on earth has gone on ,thank you again for your post means a lot and we’re not alone xxxxx

Hi Geri I feel the same terrible anxiety was on antidepressants but came off they made me feel spaced out .my husband died 16 months ago we was married for 50 years.l think a bereavement group might help you I’m looking for one It might help to talk to people in the same situation .take care .

Hello Geri,

I found this site today so am dipping my toe in the water with this reply,
I’m in the same place as you; Roger died 8 weeks ago.

All I want to do is go to sleep, as like you I feel safe there and hope the sleep will help me to feel more ‘normal’, whatever that means.

My cat brought in a dead bird this morning and I got very upset; I wonder if the animal world feels ‘grief’?

All I keep saying to myself through my tears is ‘I want to be where he is,’ although I know that’s selfish. The GP has given me antidepressants but so far there’s not much change.

I feel I ned a project, something to enthuse about, to focus on. I even wondered if I could start a small group of people in our situation, in this village, to at least listen and talk. I’m retired so have loads of time to spare.

Thank you for reading my reply,
LindaH

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