I am trying to clear up tge family home, my mum died in April and my dad had to move into a care home at the same time as he has Alzheimer’s. I feel so awful throwing out treasured memories, clothes.,books and everything they had collected over a lifetime. I’m making very little progress but pressure is mounting as I need to be able to pay for the care home. I have also just moved house and not really got my own home sorted yet, on top of this my daughter is likely to break up with her fiancé, she has a toddler under 2 and a baby on the way, I need to care for her too. I am struggling with everything going on, it’s all coming at me in one go
You are certainly having a mountain of stuff thrown at you all at once to deal with. It isn’t easy. First of all you don’t need to throw out all the clothes if some of them have fabric suitable for a quilt then you could get someone to make up a keepsake quilt for your daughters children it would be a wonderful keepsake and a way to pass on treasured things. I saw it done on Queer Eye for the straight guy o n Netflix. Secondly how pregnant is your daughter could she help you if a friend of hers looked after the toddler for the day. Even if she just sat in a chair and sorted though paperwork it would keep her busy and her mind off her own stuff and keep you company and help you decide on what to do. Also maybe your daughter has to move if she is splitting up with her fiance maybe she could move into your mum and dads home with her children. She could then keep some of the furniture anyway.
Since you would have to pay for the care home you can apply for money from the council for his care and your daughter could perhaps make up the rest with her rent as she would have to rent somewhere anyway wouldn’t it be easier if her rent paid for your fathers care. This way you don’t have to sort everything out overnight but do things bit by bit. Also do you have any friends or other family members who would be willing to lend a hand? Sometimes friends and family might help if you supply pizza and wine etc. Also did your mum and dad have any friends or other family who might cherish a small keepsake of their own rather that throwing everything out. Also there may be some stuff which no-one you know wants but that you could sell on ebay which might help with costs just now. I am sure your mum wouldn’t mind you selling a piece of furniture you don’t like but which might enable you to help buy your daughter somethings for the baby or to pay for your fathers care. Try to find some small things which your father might enjoy looking at. Many care homes allow the residents a small amount of treasured possessions. Take care hope some of my advice may help you in some little way. Even if it makes you feel a little better that someone else understands how daunted you feel and is thinking about you. I hope it all works out. Keep us all updated on your progress. Take care.
2 Likes
Aw thank you so much for taking the time to read my woes and give me advice. What you say makes a lot of sense and I am starting to see how to make some positive progress. I’m going to go to the house on Saturday with my daughter with a fresh outlook and more purpose, there is sure to be items which have value on e Bay and the furniture is mostly good quality so can stay for the time being. My dad has to self fund for his care as he has assets above the threshold, its costing around £5000 a month so its pretty scary seeing how quickly savings of a lifetime will disappear.
It’s very early in my daughters pregnancy, and she’s really anxious because she suffered a miscarriage last year, it could be an option for her to stay at the house when it is sorted out.
I love the idea of of a keepsake quilt too.
All in all you have helped me see a snippet of blue sky behind the dark clouds, and I really appreciate it!
Bless you I am thinking of you. If your dad is still in his right mind then there is a way round the self fund thing. Not only that but my uncle and aunt had major assets as they owned a farm together at the time of her illness and the social work provided some hours as long as he paid for the rest. Not only that but if your dad has a will in place there is a way of him giving his house to your daughters kids into a trust fund and then it wouldnt be his assets so he could then be under the amount. I do understand different areas of the uk have different rules considering assets but talk to a solicitor. Not only that the £5000 a month for care is majorly steep. I had to look into care homes as a possibility when my mum was ill and the charges were a lot less of course it depends on your area. I am in Scotland. I think that you need some financial advice regarding this situation. Also you may have other options my aunt had parkinsons with dementia and she had a full time carer at home sometimes two. And the costs were about £1500 a month and were part funded by the local social work and part funded by my uncle and he had major assets because he sold half his farm incase he needed the finances to pay for my aunts care. There must be a local carers charity which can point you in the right direction for advice. You need to potentially reduce your dads assests if the house was no longer in his name it wouldn’t technically be his asset. This would make him under the limit. In order to be able to sort this out though he has to be able minded enough at times though his Alzheimers, Depends how much he has deteriorated. But this would make things a lote easier for you and your daughter financially. If your father has other beneficiaries other than your and your daughter you could make arrangements to sort that out with them by getting a small mortgage to pay them off, which would still be cheaper than the care home. Yeah if you watch netflix with your daughter you cant help but crying and laughing at that particular show. It is hard for her with the miscarriage but she will of course be worried about you too. It is good that it is early because it does mean though that she can help you with the little things and even when its just to talk having support from each other can make all the difference. Take care. Thinking of you.