Trying to think differently to find my way

I don’t know whether anyone here feels like this,and it may sound silly to some,but since my lovely husband passed aged 59years in March this year,I have dragged myself through each day with a heavy heart,I think of him every moment of each day,still do,but in the last weeks I have tried to think differently,I feel now that I liken it to climbing a massive mountain,I cannot go back to the bottom as there is no one there to break my fall,I keep climbing the mountain each day for how long the rest of my life is whether that’s weeks,months ,years and will carry on climbing until I finally get to the top,that is the day when I finally meet my loved one again when it’s my time to go,so until then I’m going to keep on going no matter how painful,as I know for me that’s the only way I can get to the top.Take care everyone on here x

Hi Robins

Thank you for this. You have put it beautifully what everyone is going through and how we are sort of coping. I think your reference to a mountain is spot on. I always wanted to be the first woman to climb Mount Everest but that has been already done. My climb to acceptance of the loss of my parents continues however.


Wow Robina, I’ve never looked at it like that. I lost my husband very suddenly 14 months ago and still reeling from the shock. I still can’t believe he’s not coming home. I will climb my mountain and I will reach the top one day and hopefully David will be sitting there waiting for me, with his wonderful smile and his arms opened wide. Now I’m crying…
Mount Everest is small fry Mel, our mountains are much higher. Thank you Robina, your words have been a huge comfort. Keep climbing everyone, even when you think you can’t go any further, keep pushing on because you’re climbing towards your loved one. Much love xx

Wow, that’s another way of thinking and coping. It does put a different perspective on this nightmare. Climbing everyday to reach my husband, I can do it !
Thank you

Lesley xx

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Of course you can do it Lesley, you go girl because I’m right behind you. If I reach the top first I’ll tell your hubby that you’re on your way…
Thanks again Robina for this coping strategy. I’ve thought about it a lot today. Love and hugs xx

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Thanks Kate, and if I get there first I will the same for you. It’s still going to be hard to do, but we will do it for our loved ones.

Lesley xs

Oh Robina what a wonderful analogy. I am climbing that mountain with you all and our loved ones will be there waiting for us.

Thank you for your lovely reply,and the other replies I have had from others who I hope find some comfort from thinking differently,i know in my heart my husband will always be there waiting as I know all our loved ones are,i have had many signs ,yes we are always stronger than we know ,love to all on here on that journey x

Robina. What a lovely reply. I hope I can draw inspiration from you. Your husband will be with you every step of the way as I know mine is Love to you

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I was talking to my son yesterday about my wife’s funeral, and the arrangements for today, and he said it was like he was engaged in a game of Snakes and Ladders. Over the past 2 weeks since she died he said he had managed to move forward a few squares but today’s funeral would see him crash down a ladder. I feel I can identify with that but I hope to roll a six tomorrow.

I’m so sorry for your loss YorkshireLad. I hope you roll your six and tomorrow goes as well as it can. Snakes and ladders could well be a description of the ups and downs of this life which has been forced upon us. We have many ladders to climb but unfortunately there will also be many snakes to slither back down. Good days, bad days, actually I’m not even sure they are good days so I’ll rephrase that. We have bad days and not so bad days. Fourteen months on and there are moments when I feel I’ve gone back to ‘Start’. Much love to you and your family.

I really feel for you and your children. I know that feeling of dread as the time to say goodbye comes, but somehow you will get through it. I didn’t think I could cope with it, but I did. Yes we were on a massive downer after, but we did my husband proud. I will be thinking of you.


Hello. I hope everyone’s weekend went as well as it could. I had a visitor yesterday, an acquaintance of my husband’s. I’d never actually met him before yesterday. He was incredibly easy to talk to and I ended up telling him all about David’s death etc. He told me about the loss of his mum, many years ago and how he struggled for years to come to terms with it. On the advice of his doctor, he ended up going to a hypnotherapist which was the thing that finally helped him. Anyway, the hypnotherapist described his situation as thinking of the brain as a library and how the books have all been thrown around and in a complete muddle. Slowly, day by day, we have to rearrange the books and get them back in order before things can become clear again. I thought this was quite a good description - my headspace is completely cluttered and messed up. Grief isn’t rational, it’s not even logical at times. There’s so much whirring around in my head. Love to you all xx