Two days without my mum

My mum (54) was diagnosed with liver cancer on the 4th/5th October this year, she developed jaundice and deteriorated so quickly. She passed away at 19.55pm on Sunday. I thought because I was grieving her from after her appointment with the Freemans, because I still had hope that she could have part of mine or my sister’s liver but that hope was quickly crushed. But today we organised her funeral and as soon as I was alone in my flat, (as my friend had stayed with me from sunday) I just broke down into tears. I realised I’ll never see her smile again, I’ll never hear her laugh, I’ll never feel her arms around me, I’ll never taste her cooking and it broke me. I’m 26 I shouldn’t be planning my mums funeral and trying to figure out how i go on without her. She was my biggest supporter, my best friend and at times the only one I could talk to. I wont be able to talk to her while she’s in the bath. This isn’t the first time I’ve dealt with grief but it feels like I cannot breath. I keep getting asked is “tell me what you need?” And what I need is the one thing I can’t have, I need my mum.

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Hi @Fallen

I’m Kate, a member of the Sue Ryder Online Community team, and I can see that you are new to the community. I’m so sorry to hear about your mum. I’d like to thank you for bravely starting this thread and sharing how you are feeling so soon after the death of your mum. Most community members have sadly experienced the death of a loved one and so will understand some of what you are going through.

I’m sure someone will be along to offer their support, but I wanted to share a few Sue Ryder resources with you that might be helpful.

I really hope you find the community helpful and a good source of support and I also hope you feel you can access more support should you need it.

Thank you again for sharing – please keep reaching out and know that you are not alone.

Take good care,

Kate

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I’m so sorry. :heart: It’s the very first days for you and I know nothing anyone can say helps right now. I’m about two weeks from losing my dad and all I want is having him here too. What we can do is take one minute at a time and you aren’t alone, many of us are in the same awful place.

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Hi @Fallen that’s awful, I’m so sorry, and I know how you feel. My mum had lung cancer and was 4 days away from starting her treatment when she had a stroke. She fought to get better in the hospital, and I really thought she’d pull through, but things deteriorated and I wasnt prepared. It all happened so fast at the end. She was my whole family, my biggest support and brought so much joy and comfort to me. I feel so lost and alone without her. I’m also only 32 so didn’t expect to be planning her funeral at my age either. It was a lot to get through and felt like such responsibility. That was a couple of months ago now. I’m in the process of sorting her house now as that’s now my responsibility to sell. I really didn’t think I’d be having to do any of this. I feel exactly the same - the one thing I need is my mum. She’s the only one who could help and make anything better. I miss her constantly, it’s so painful. I’m sorry you’re having to go through this too at your age. Here if you ever need to chat x

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Thank you, its been a week now, and her funeral is on friday. Today i went into the shop where she worked and they have put donation boxes out which we never expected and one of her colleagues told me that kids who knew mum have put their sweets back and put it in the box. I knew she was loved but i didnt realise just how much.

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