I know they don’t realise how tiring it is to look after grandchildren at 67, especially little ones, my son was late to having children but with my daughter’s I worked full-time and still watched them occasionally without feeling tired because I was a lot younger, but guess our kids don’t realise, they will only do that when they reach that age themselves ! The joys eh ?
Take care xxx
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Yes it is very lonely and I dislike coming home to an empty house, it’s the hardest thing especially when the evenings are now darker!
My husband & I didn’t socialise much we were happy just staying home and binging on a good drama, I worked night duty for 36 years so being at home in an evening was precious to me on my nts off and hubby was the same not a party person, we had different opinions about many things but not that. So not having him here with me tears me apart and I can’t imagine that changing unless in the future I get dementia and forget who he was xxx
Take care everyone, tomorrow is a new day we should strive to be more positive though that some days is impossible when grieving, but we can keep trying xxx
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Yes I agree the loneliness is the worst bit, having no one to talk to. We used to chat all day long, I really miss our chats. The house is so empty, I try to keep the tv on and put music on when I’m in the kitchen. No cups of tea getting brought to me in bed, just all the little things. We did everything together, his friend came round yesterday to collect something from our garden and even he said it’s so strange not having him in the garden, they used to always have a coffee out there, he didn’t even stay for a coffee which made me a little sad, just to chat to someone would have been nice. He could never sleep for long and usually came to bed at this time 4am, I would usually get up and see if he was ok, tv would be on, he was comfy on his chair, maybe a wee whisky in his hand. Maybe that’s why I keep waking up at this time. Do I get up? Maybe make a hot choc. Yes I think I will. Going to be another long day, I will maybe go a walk early tomorrow and then stay in and wait for this delivery coming, the wee walk definitely helps me. Good morning everyone xxx
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It certainly is very lonely, I used to dread when my sister phoned me as I knew I would be on for over an hour, now I welcome her calls, she phoned last night and it was great to talk to someone. My daughter sends me a text every day to say good morning but a wee call would be nicer. I find myself chatting to anyone at the bus stop, I just miss talking to a real person. Finally had the courage to get my hair done on Friday so I will have real people to chat to but I hope they don’t ask too many questions as everyone knows everyone in this small town. I also need some routine instead of jumping on a-bus to get away from the house every day. This is escapism not routine. Take care xxx
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Someone once told me that “grief is love with no where to go”.
Someone else once told me that “grief is the price you pay for the love you had”.
Trite meaningless nonsense. Obviously not penned by a widow or widower.
Grief is not a slogan.
Grief is like being alone in a massive forest in never ending darkness, lost and not knowing in which direction to turn, calling out to silence, frightened, finding a morsel to eat and a bit of filtered light once in a while, and just trying to survive until we find the sun again.
“Now, you can do what you want.” No, I can’t. I have a crap ton of responsibilities I didn’t have before. Everything is on my shoulders. Everything. I’m scared.
But, good things happen everyday anyway.
Grocery store was fun. I forgot that I don’t buy meat there and regrettably bought some. Put it all away, fed the pets again and napped for 2 hours. Good thing.
Contractor came by and before I could say anything about the icky color on the deck, he let me know that a paint rep is coming to see it tomorrow because even he knows it is wrong. I love honesty. Good thing.
Hung the wreaths. They look beautiful on my newly painted doors. They are a light creme and the wreaths really pop. They didn’t when the doors were red. Good thing.
Put red flannel sheets on the bed for the holidays. Did laundry. Hung up all the clothes to dry. COOKED A WHOLE MEAL for myself. Good things.
No workers until Friday as it will be raining. Termite inspection Friday as well. I can barely hold it together as I am really tired of being the property manager. Besides, widowhood takes up all my waking moments.
I pray our tomorrow is better than our today and that you each find something that brings cheer to your face, laughter in your voice, and joy to your heart - even briefly, so that you know it is possible to feel alive again.
Much love.
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It all sounds good Peaches, I only have a few phones calls to make then the day is all mine surprisingly enough. My cold has got worse so think I might benefit from a duvet kinda day and watching films. Sitting by my glowing fire and Christmas lights twinkling. We will see how I get on later, I just hope my mood bears up. You have a good day, 
xxx
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I’m 11 days and finding the mornings worst. My husband had both his legs amputated 2 years ago so the mornings were very busy now there is nothing. Despite having a good family around me I feel so alone. I still talk to him and say good morning every day.
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Good morning Gwilli, I’m so sorry you had to join this group, it’s the most horrible pain to go through, hopefully we will help you and support you as we all know what it’s like. I was completely in shock and numb at the time you are at. My mornings were also very busy and I’ve spent the last year with a calendar of hospital appointments. My husband had a laryngectomy which he was coping with so well and to go through all that and then suddenly die was devastating for me. I feel lost and lonely, my family don’t stay near me but I think I do put a brave face on when I do see them. They think I’m Ok so I’m doing a good job, if they only knew how lonely I am. I am adjusting very very slowly but it’s going to take a long time and I can’t visualise me getting back to normal whatever that is. Please feel free to chat, rant, get things off your chest on here, without these lovely people on here I don’t know how I would have coped.
Take care and sending lots of hugs xxx🤗
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Well I got up and straight into cleaning this house, mopping floors etc haven’t had much time last couple of wks to do anything but a quick vacuum, just waiting for floors to dry and will have a break for breakfast and the tree will be done in the afternoon and out will come the vacuum again 
Hope everyone has a good day xxx
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So sorry for your loss and yes that can be the hardest thing being surrounded by friends & family and still feeling lonely & lost x
As I say to everyone posting for the first time I hope you find some comfort talking to others on this forum, I certainly have and I check in sometimes every day or several times a day & I have also left it for a few weeks too, but it does help because we are all in the same situation at different stages. I am 17 mths along this journey we are all on, lost my husband to cancer 5 mths from diagnosis, I wont say it gets easier but you learn to cope better whilst always missing your other half xx
Take care and just travel on this journey at your own pace there are no rules we are all learning to cope as we go, sending a big hug xxx
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Georgi, I did the same vacuum before and after putting the tree up. I stupidly put on a black fluffy jumper with “Sparkle” on the front, .big mistake, my tree has that snow stuff on it. I had more on my jumper by the end of it. It’s sad doing it but I honestly feel good looking at it, I got a chocolate advent calendar from my daughter, I used to look forward to Christmas but opening these little doors means I am getting closer to waking up on Christmas morning on my own. I’m going to go and treat myself to some little things so that I can open a present on the day. I’m going to my daughters for dinner later on but it’s the morning I’m dreading. Need to keep thinking positive thoughts 
Happy tree putting up day xx
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That sounds like a plan you go girl! I sat down to have something to eat and now my energy has wained, but Ive said to all on here the tree is going up today and it will ! It’s a sunny day outside which is good the sun lifts your spirits no matter what ! I need to go to the shops too at some point and have a shower after tree is up!
After saying all that time to move again or it will never get done!
Take care Lizzy xx
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Gwilli, I am sorry your husband died, it is an Earth shattering event and everyone here knows how horrible it is to be in these shoes.
Yes, mornings are awful, so are afternoons, evenings, and nights. We exist in a state of numbness, exhaustion, sadness, fear, anxiety, confusion, and stress. It is just horrible.
Here is how I managed to survive to 10 weeks: I take each day hour by hour. I don’t think about the lost future as the present is all I can handle. Each day I write a list of 5 things I must do, I get them done and check them off the list. At the end of the day, I can see that I am not stagnating in place.
Pay the bills, feed yourself, feed the pets and do 5 things. At the end of the week, you’ve done 35 things, 150 per month. It adds up and takes the least amount of effort on your part.
Cry until there are no more tears. Rest, eat only good food with high nutritional value, take your meds and vitamins, stay hydrated and call upon family and friends to help you with whatever it is you need. People want to help, let them.
Step by step, hour by hour, we survive.
Much love.
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Feeling scared when the night comes. Not of the dark, but that another day has passed and I haven’t finished the big job of the dang succession.
Walked 2.6 miles with the dog. Fed everybody - 2 or 3 times, I forget. Laundry done. Kitchen clean. Plants watered. Got a call from married friends, we may do an early dinner next week. Ok.
I am going to rent the movie “Reagan” cuddled on the sofa with this beast and call it a day.
I feel completely useless.
Much love.
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Peaches you are not useless, you are doing great, I feel useless just now, didn’t move from the couch all day yesterday, here I am 4 am again although wakened up every hour, feeling shivery and had to change my fleecy PJs. Had a night sweat, hot one minute, freezing the next, can’t breathe, got up and made a hot choc and took some Jaffa cakes, going to sit up and try and read my book. Getting my hair done today, hope I can make the walk to hairdressers, taken some more lemsip max tablets, they havnt worked so far but keeping my fingers crossed I can get back to sleep. You have done millions more than me today Peaches, cuddle the dog now and watch your film. Take care xxx🤗
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I got my tree in yesterday - have not decorated it yet but I will. Its 10am and I’m feeling good. But the day doesn’t stay like that. As the day goes on my mood just goes down and down. Its a lovely day and the sun is shining. so I am about to go on a 6 mile walk. A storm is coming and the next two days are looking horrid so I will make the most of the sunshine. I am still sorting out so much stuff, I am eyeing up my kitchen cupboards and can’t wait till I get to them. I think I have become addicted. I don’t want stuff all over the house at Christmas though so it will wait till the new year. I am dreading January, always a difficult month I may have to hibernate.
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Hi Debsie, I hate January as well but it’s a NewYear and it’s going to be a different year for all of us. We usually book our flights for going on holiday but the way my finances are going I’m not sure I will be going anywhere. My mood also goes down at night, I’m ok most of the day. My delivery didn’t come, why do they tell you it’s coming then doesn’t, I’m going out this afternoon so they will just have to come back if they want a signature or bring it to my hairdresser. I did call the Ring to get the name on the account changed as it’s due to be paid next week. I was on for over an hour, he was very patient the person I spoke to but trying to take my husbands email off it was really difficult. I had his iPad on, my iPhone and my iPad as I couldn’t find his password for the Ring. I’m just sad to delete him off another account. I think I only have one more to do. My headache got instantly worse after that experience. I’m going to just let his Amazon Prime run out then I will take it out on my name. No sunshine here today just frosty outside and very cold. Take care xxx
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It’s 5 am, been awake for 1/2 hour. Oh boy, it will be a long day now.
The movie - meh. Not all it is cracked up to be. Fell asleep on the sofa, woke up freezing. The temps have dropped and we expect rain again. Heaters on - brrrrr.
Lizzy, sorry you are not feeling well. The night sweats - I got them last night too and it was so chilly to get my wet self out of bed to change jammies. Yes, Ma’am, get that hair done. We don’t have to look as bad as we feel. Right?
Have you tried melatonin for sleep? Friends tell me it works for them.
Debsie, good on you getting that tree in! Not sure I could walk 6 miles at one time, you must be in great physical shape! I am hoping that after your walk, your mood stays up today rather than sliding down and down. Yes, sorting can pause for the holidays as there is always next year. I, too, am a sorting addict.
Have errands today, then a weekend of typing the court documents.
This widow thing is hard. Every day is hard.
“I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you, but I am honored that you spent the rest of yours with me.”
Much love.
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Good morning Peaches, I was just getting back to sleep at 8am when my Grandson FaceTimed me on his way to school as he does every morning to see if I’m ok. I just got up after that, maybe have a wee sleep once the house has heated up. I can get to sleep ok but it’s the waking up every few hours that gets to me. I’m just choked with the cold, I hope it goes away quickly as I’m going up to stay with a friend next Friday as they talked me into going to a Christmas dance, ladies only. I am looking forward to it, I need people around me and I don’t get that where I stay. Hair will be nice and I’ve got a sparkly dress to wear. I will be like Cinderella for the night then it will be back to my quiet existence the next day. Take care and try and have a good day xxx🤗
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I have always had difficulty sleeping, for at least 30 years. Due to fostering children, I wouldn’t take sleeping meds. I had a short break on my own and a friend suggested I tried Phenergan. I had never heard of it. It is available over the counter and is an antihistamine. It was amazing.
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