Two years and struggling

It’s just over two years that I lost my partner, Ian, to cancer. We were told a year and yet he was gone within seven weeks…. To me, it just seems like yesterday.

I am really struggling at the moment as the last two years have been like a living nightmare and I just can’t face the thought of more years like that.

Recently, I have never broken down in front of so many different people and I’m finding myself thinking of him all the time now. I keep reliving his last few hours.

I have done everything the books suggest, I volunteer, joined new groups, made new friends etc but nothing helps. The loneliness is just destroying me and I can see no way out of my situation. Ian was my best friend and I just want him back! Family and old friends live far away.

I have made an appointment to see a doctor next week for the first time but I have mixed feelings to be honest.

Like everyone on here, I just wish I could turn back the clock and resume my old life with Ian.


I lost my partner almost a year ago and like you still feel as devastated :disappointed: I just feel sad all the time and feel there’s not anything to look forward to


I feel your pain it is so tough I
It has been two years since I lost my husband so suddenly have also joined new groups but it does not take away our pain our heart is still broken and life is not as we want is it so I understand it does not seem to be getting better we miss them more each day have to hold on to our memories as that is all we have until they call us to be with them
Sending you hugs xx


Hello Trixie1

I am so sorry for your continuing pain. I lost my darling husband 26 weeks on Tuesday from evil cancer. We had 11 years with it, but it was manageable most of the time, until two years ago, once a kidney had been removed and sessions of radiotherapy on his pelvic bone.
Two years ago he was diagnosed with prostate cancer which should have been picked up because he was having regular scans and blood tests.
On Friday we interred his ashes, as he had wished, in a small village churchyard, the village where he was born. It has taken quite a while to do this because some of our family in the USA wished to bring their children during school holidays.
I am home now and back to my lonely world, missing him even more. My life is dreadful without him and I really dread living with this huge black hole in my life. I meet up with family and friends but nothing is the same and never will be.
I hope your Dr can help you. I am having counselling but it’s not helping a great deal so far.
It’s a dark and lonely journey we are travelling.
I’m sending hugs and pray that you find some sort of peace in time. xx


I lost my wife 4years ago now miss her very much I think you never get over it you learn to live with it I still have bad days but not as often I was told in the beginning crying was like a pressure cooker so I just let I come when it wanted to


Hi Rome 18

Thank you for kind thoughts. I’ve had counselling but it was a while ago so perhaps I need some now. I still have Ian’s ashes. He wanted them scattered in a local river but I can’t bear to let them go. It would just be too too final……

It is definitely a dark and very lonely journey we are on and sadly I can’t see that ever changing.

Take care x

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Hi Rose 45

Thank you for replying to my post. It certainly is tough and a broken heart is not easy to live with is it.

Take care x

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Hi Trixie 1

It will be 2 yr on Sunday since I lost my husband Mark to cancer. I’m reliving this week as though it happened yesterday. I spend alot of time with family and friends but nothing takes away the pain of losing him. I finally went to the Drs in April and was put in touch with a grief counsellor and given citalopram for anxiety. I’m not sure the counselling has done me any good. The tablets are just kicking in and they are just taking the edge of my daily feelings. Although two weeks into taking them they did make me feel alot worse, but that is normal apparently. All you can do is give the Drs a try. I find this group helps as it lets you know we are not alone in our grief. Take Care Dawn

Hi Dawn

Thank you for your kind words. I finished counselling over a year ago now and it did help a little at the time. Perhaps I need something different now, who knows.

X Julie