Two years one month since i lost My soul mate, my happiness and my future i wanted and it honestly hasnt got one bit easier! The only reason i get up every morning is for my 12 year old son he still needs me to be his mum (also i get up at 4am due to extreme anxiety since Lee died) even though i get up and try my best to keep things as normal as possible i can only describe every single day as a living nightmare without My Lee! 
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Hi @Hayley198894, I’ve been up for more than two hours, too. I have the same problem as you. For two and a half years now, since losing my 57-yr-old darling husband suddenly, my wake up time is between 4am and 5am. It’s still so hard for me too, totally empathize with how you’re feeling. It seems still so unreal, as if it’s all a bad dream, the calender shows me that time is passing, but for me time has stopped, it’s only my body going on in a mechanical way. Like you, my only reason to get up in the morning, is for my two adult kids who thankfully still live with me.
I’ve learned that our grief doesn’t go away, it will always be with us, alongside all the other positive emotions we will experience with our families. Time doesn’t heal but it helps us cope better and helps us understand that we must go on, to honor our lost soulmates who made us what we are today. They will continue to live through us and our children, as we “take” them with us in our hearts, on this journey of life which has unexpectedly taken a detour, or a wrong turn. I agree with the “Continuing Bonds” approach, not letting go, I take comfort from this and it’s the only way I can cope.
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Yes ofcourse to me he will always be my partner the one who had the rest of our lives planned out. This grief is the worst ever and i wouldnt wish it on anyone but unfortunately we all have to experience it some sooner than others until people go through it they just expect you to be magically ok like back to your old self but that person just doesnt exist anymore…
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My husband of 52 years died just over a year ago,I talk to his photo every day and his reply is Jan don’t sit on the sofa and cry ,carry on with your life,I am so proud of you.When he died,a close friend who had lost her husband a few years before said “You will still have a life,it will be different and not the one you want or would chose and there will be many challenges along the way”This is so true but has helped me so much
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Hi, I’m afraid it’s only one person in the relationship that goes through this awful feelings of loss. Getting no sleep, getting up early. No really wanting to do things you used to love doing with your partner. Everyday a struggle. When Mandy died I was so sad for her and still am, she was only 60 and fought for 8 days to get over the double pneumonia, but chemo had destroyed her immune system and sadly didn’t make it. The fact is how sad this was, and is , I think it would have been more intolerably sad if she would have had to go through this nightmare we’re going through. The only way one person isn’t left with this horrible existence is if the couple die together. Wouldn’t that have been ideal. Ending the lifetime of love together, no one having tears , longing, guilt for being left alive, sadness and every other emotion.
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Just before last Christmas a couple I know received the “ultimate blessing”
The lady had been ill for some while with cancer and receiving palliative care at home and her husband became ill with something different and was hospitalised.On the day they died he died at lunchtime in hospital and his wife at home in the late afternoon.I was so pleased for them they were a devoted couple and neither of them had to bear this hell we are all left with
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Hi, if only. To have never had these 12 weeks of hell. Let’s hope it isn’t another 12 weeks.
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