Two years on

Hi. Just wondering how people are getting on after a year or two. Has time been a healer for you? What does that even mean? Did you lose your inner power and has it/is it coming back?
I saw a talk recently which said that grief is fear. Also grief is love.
For sure it’s a toughie to live with.
Take care people,


Hi Annette,
It’s 2 years since I lost my my husband with no warning at all.
Time hasn’t healed anything for me if possible I feel worse than a year.ago.
I’m not lonely but so alone without the everyday companionship we’d shared all our adult life. I don’t think I’ll ever get over the shock of his death or the sadness of losing our retirement.
Everybody is different an ex colleague is in a new relationship very soon after her husband’s death. My brother in law has been happily remarried for years since his wife died.
I’d settle for a decent night’s sleep and a few hours peace without everything that’s happened going round and round in my head.
I’ve no problems coping with the day to day house, car, finances etc. I can’t bear losing him with no chance to say goodbye or be with him.
I’m not afraid of the future but it’s so meaningless and empty now.
Others find different reasons to live on - family, children, work, religion.
I wish you well at this sad time and hope you find a way forward. Sadme

Hi Sadme. Thank you for replying. I wish you some calm and peace and joy. We are fortunate to have joyful memories…which never leave. I too lost my husband unexpectedly and over the time I have come to realise that the shock factor plays a big part in the aftermath.
One day at a time. …still

Hi Annette I lost my husband 14 months ago, and then my only sister 7 months ago, both were sudden deaths, I seemed to be coping fine desperately sad but functioning but since october I have found it so hard to see anything positive, I have wonderful children and grandchildren, and great friends but it’s not enough, I want what I can’t have, that special person who knows you better than you know yourself, every morning I get up and say to myself today I’m going to be more positive and find some joy in the day, this lasts about 10 minutes and I’m straight back to an overwhelming yearning for what I can’t have, hopefully the spring will bring some hope back in to my life take care Jan x

Hi Jan. I’m so sorry for your losses. Yes let’s look forward to the spring, new life in the garden and some warmth. Perhaps your ten minutes each day will increase bit by bit . …I wish that for you. It takes alot of time who knows how much. Take care

Your words could be mine, sudden multiple losses are unbearable as I know only too well. Wishing you well at this sad time. Sadme

Hi Annette
My partner died fourteen months ago and I miss him still so very much.
Everyday living is fine, shopping, cooking, cleaning, diy…
The only way I can describe it is that I feel the magic has gone from my life and it will never return.
Just have to get on with it I guess, there’s always something to gaze at in wonder or smile at something unexpected .
But like others I find myself weeping not as much as I once did, but still the grief hits hard at random moments.
Today I found a mildewed rucksack in a shed which I picked up to put out for recycling.
It was quite heavy, on opening it there was a waterproof jacket and trousers carefully folded. They were his for when he went to the beach to paint and wasn’t sure what the weather would be like.
That was too much to bear today, feeling a little better now but it doesn’t take much…

Hi 12remember. When I read your words expressing when you found the rucksack I felt so sad for you…so many daily reminders of what was such a special person to you. And yet we somehow live each day being reminded, all reflections of our love. Love lives on, we have to learn to bear the pain.
I concluded some time ago that I had to learn to adjust to being just one not two, without it destroying me, and with keeping him close. It’s a strange thing but to carry on some things have to change…mainly in your head. Still working on this day by day, experience by experience.
Have a good week. Annette

Hi Annette.
Yes it’s difficult to adapt to being one instead of two but there is no choice.
Even after this time small things can hit hard.
However now a great deal of the time I think of the happy times or moments of humour we shared. The healing process in action.
Just wish I could hold him tight one last time…
Hugs to everyone.