Unable to accept or process what has happened

I lost my partner 6mths ago, 4 weeks before my 40th birthday.
He was a fit healthy man, but unfortunately received terrible care whilst in hospital for a minor injury.

Even after 6mths I cannot process what has happened or even begin to think how I am going to get through this!
I am trying to stay strong for our young child but I feel every day is a struggle beyond words!

I’ve lost all my confidence, and all of the things I loved in life are just not even important anymore!

I hate the saying time is a healer, because quite frankly it’s a long life without him. I cannot begin to even process why this has happened to us, we were so happy and lived life to the fullest.

Someone said to me, I have lots of people to do stuff with, but no one to do nothing with! That hit hard! It’s all of the small things. I cannot even switch the tv on anymore!

I just decided to try and speak to like minded people because everyone I do talk to, does not really understand. Yes of course they want to support you, but they don’t know the pain that is endured every single day! It just breaks my heart over and over again.

Thanks for listening :heart:

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Mydiamond.
What you describe with regard to your loss,the pain and emptyness of life is something that we in our own way can identify with.
There are so many things to say but no way in which to say them that really gets those who don’t have this experience to understand.
Everything,every single thing changes when we lose that one special person and everything that had value now means nothing,I guess for you it must be so so difficult having a child that doesn’t fully understand but will now need you even more than ever.
Your circumstances in the way that you lost your partner sounds shocking and you have my deepest sympathy.
Life is now about coping as best we can,growing in strength a little bit at a time but heaven knows how. I hear lots of good advice on how to cope,how to slowly move forward but for now there is too much pain at losing my lovely,intelligent funny wife and as you say nothing holds value anymore.
The confidence issue isn’t surprising,I have always been decisive and a fixer but even those things have deserted me for now leaving me unable to make choices or decide to do things,all part of the grieving process I’m told.
I do hope that somehow from somewhere you can gain more strength a little at a time to get through each day.
Take care.

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I hate people saying your doing so well you look much better, if they haven’t been through this don’t know a thing

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Yea the circumstances of his death are another story which does make the situation more difficult, but doesn’t make me grieve any less.

I am back at work because for my mental health that was the best thing for me. Having a young child I had to make sure that I got up every day so she could go to school, I know she has saved me and one day I will be able to tell her that and for her to understand what I mean!

I manage people, so that is difficult in itself. Hearing their meatless conversations or moaning about the smallest of things. I do not interact but wish I could say, if only you knew. I know they must look at me and think she is doing ok, but they do not understand. They do not have to go home and feel so lonely it’s beyond belief.

You try to filter yourself back into the new reality of life, but it’s hard as I’m sure you know, life moves on and it’s watching that which breaks your heart. Over and over again!

Grief is not something that we are taught or something that is talked about often, but the impact is devastating.

I know that the pain will always be there, it’s just I will get used to it. But still no matter how much time passes we will always feel that person missing, and all of the things that we still had to enjoy together

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Just seen your post and wonder if it is the same now

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@Mydiamond you have my deepest sympathy.
I have also lost my partner. They’re 58 I’m 46.

There are no words that I can say that will comfort you. Just know that here you have the support and comfort of people that do understand xxx

I went back to work on Monday and tbh am still wondering if it was the right thing to do.

I manage people as well and your right the pettiness of some this of the crap they come out with you think. Seriously.

Grief isn’t something that we get over. But hopefully we will learn to live with it. Well so I’m told.

I can’t process the fact that my partner is no longer here…… no mater what I do my heads like. No. Not having any of it.

Sending you gentle hugs and my love.

Here if you need a chat cxxx

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so sorry for your loss @Mydiamond :broken_heart: i’m 35 this friday and lost my soulmate of 20 years 11 weeks ago today, we have 3 children and he was the healthiest fittest man i knew and had just turned 40 and diagnosed completely out the blue 2 weeks after his birthday, to lose his battle just 6 weeks later :broken_heart:

i just don’t know how i’m ever going to be able to keep going or get through this…

i hope you have support around you? xx

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My son was diagnosed with secondary bone cancer after not being able to move on 25th April died on the 17th July . These quick cancers seem more and more and taking younger and younger he was 47 .

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@Pest i am so so sorry for your loss of your son :broken_heart: absolutely heartbreaking and so cruel and unfair…

this is one thing we noticed when shaun was in hospital the massive increase in younger people being diagnosed with cancer and losing their battle in such a short time :disappointed: xx

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I think secondary cancer (Metastasis) is one of the worst , and even harder when primary cannot be found like my son’s.

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we just couldn’t believe it when the doctors told us… shaun was so fit and healthy doing half marathons regularly, just went into hospital with some stomach pains the 27th july (our little girls birthday) to be told the next day he had stage 4 bowl, liver, lung cancer and possible lymph nodes…
i just still can’t understand it

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This seems to be a lot of the case today.We we’re so shocked, my son did have slight cerebral palsy .moderate learning difficulties and epilepsy but had not had a fit for eight years. He was very independent , and was out the day before, he had no symptoms. He did complain of ache in his hips ,physio and walk in clinic said it was muscular. Then on the Tuesday he could not get out of bed. Took him to hospital ,they said secondary bone cancer they could not find primary .He died within 3 months,the cancer went from his bone into his bone marrow.In the end all they found was a small 20mm stomach ulcer in the lesser curve which was not blocking any ducts ? Cancer spreading is the worst.

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Debbie 25 totally agree with you on this.i found out who my true friends are.like today two people who i consider family who live in Wales went to see another friend from hull .they all came over for a visit and it gave me a huge boost to me .as I know my beautiful gorgeous wife sue wouldn’t want me to be sad and miserable. Some days I really struggle and want to give up but I hear sue saying come on don’t be thinking of giving up and you made me a promise to carry on fighting for life.so I. Will honour my promise to you sue

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