Unbearable & unbelievable

This is so new and so sudden. Only 2 days but the void is all consuming. I can barely breathe and minute by minute drags at unimaginable pace.
I’ve been told to ‘feel it’ but I don’t bloody want to, I want the life we promised each other…


Hi Joker, I feel you :cry: it’s crazy the amount of emotions you can go through all at one time but it seems the worst emotions always come out on top anger, sorrow, regret, despair… How do you progress knowing you’ve lost that one person that made life livable, that perfect partner that completed you.
The constant crying, the pain in your chest nothing the fact you feel robbed.
All you can do is take baby steps, take each day as it comes cry, scream, talk to them cry some more.
Go at your own pace in your own way.
Sadly though no matter what anyone says, your soul mate is gone, half of your heart snatched away all your left with is memories and the question why them!
For me I think denial had hold of me for many weeks I couldn’t accept what I had lost, now 4 months on I still feel lost in limbo unable to move forward, unable to say goodbye I find I have moments when I’m ok then wham! It hits me and feels like it’s just happened all over.

But this is a fantastic community of people all suffering pain in one way or another and talking amongst these people I believe is extremely helpful.
My heart reaches out to you and I wish you all the strength on what probably will be one of the worst chapters in your life.


Dear joker 1970

I am just so so sorry for your loss the pain is unimaginable and never ending . You are still in shock as well as everything else . It’s the worst I know . Do you have family / friends around ? Every second every minute seems an eternity and you just want them back .
I lost the love of my life 16 weeks ago and I still feel like it was yesterday people have good and bad days mind are all bad . I don’t have any family mine are in another time zone and my so called friends have deserted me . I’m so glad you found this website everyone on here feels the sane just different stages .
Please take care of yourself and keep posting on here .
Sending big hugs to you


I know people try and be a help, I am lucky to have 3 adult children, but he wasn’t their dad and although they miss him, I don’t want them to have to feel responsible for me. Nick was I’ll forward a long time and the worry and fear has now been replaced by something all the more awful…thank you I know your words ring true, I’m just so alone, I feel so alone. X


Try spending time with friends or do volunteer work. Develop a hobby. I have found some relief when I’m not alone with my thoughts. I’ve also posted here how helpful Grief Share meetings are. Every neighborhood has one.

Do not let anyone tell you what you must think or feel. Having to go through it myself. I know what your feeling and, like everything in life we all cope differently. The sentence I have grown to hate the most is " I can’t begin to understand what you are going through but …" They are right, they can’t begin to understand what any of us are going through. As for wanting the life you planned, like you, my wife and I made lots of plans, a lot we did a few never happened. I look back now on the good times we had through photos and videos. This helped. Yes I cried and cry, through all the photos and videos but I find it is a good way to release all my pent up emotion. I hope this is of some help.


Thank you so much for your words. I have avoided people so far but have to go back to work in a couple of weeks, I don’t want to be ‘that person’ the women who lost her person, the love of her life. I know people don’t know what to say and why should they it’s just too awful. X

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Nothing anyone can say will help you at the moment. I can’t talk to people about my wife without welling up. What you must be careful of though, is keeping your grief locked inside. Don’t be afraid to cry when you want to. Talk to someone in the family about how you are feeling. We are all different and we handle grief differently. I keep busy. Busy doing nothing really but it works for me. Only you can decide what works for you. Before going back to work perhaps it might be a good idea to go in on a visit just for 10 minutes or so. People will then be able to offer their genuine sympathy and support and you can then draw a line under it and leave to return home knowing that you have broken the ice as it were. You will get upset but at least you will not have to suffer working all day. Again only you can decide if that would work for you.