Unexpected and shocking passing of Mum - November 2023

It is now just over 1 year since losing my mum so very unexpectedly and suddenly here at home in the early hours of November 24th, 2023.
Mum had been so well even the day before but was taken out of the blue with a heart attack. Being with mum on the bedroom floor until the emergency services arrived; Seeing the ambulance crew trying resuscitation for several minutes; Hearing nothing from Mum except the mumbled word ‘Covid’ when I asked her what was wrong; Seeing mum violently sick and confused earlier on; seeing mum taken out of the house in a body bag; after living at home with both mum and dad all my life and a 54; I am finding it so very difficult to find happiness in my life, to work, to concentrate, to think clearly - after all this time.
Anxiety has taken hold and had me in its grips. I am on antidepressants, propranalol and now pregabalin.
I still have my wonderful Dad and am so very grateful for him for being here with me. I feel very angry with myself that I cannot seem to move forward and still feel so highly emotional and anxious.
Can anybody who had posted on this site give me hope and reassurance that things will get better and I will experience happiness and laughter again?
I try to work but inability to concentrate really gets to me, I go blank and then get more anxious because i I cannot do my work. Easy things are reasonably okay - but as a computer engineer, how do I work when I’m unable to think clearly and concentrate?
I find social situations very difficult. I am constantly feeling completely exhausted and tired out. I’ve lost some weight and appetite is not brilliant.
Anybody in similar boat and how have you got through the awful times and hopefully found some inner peace and began recovery.
God bless all those who have lost loved ones at any time - of which I know there are Millions of you.

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My sympathies. :heart: It’s not strange that you still feel that way, when I lost my mum years ago it was almost two years before I could see some reason to go on. So I know it can be done and that you will be able to laugh again, though it will probably always be tinged with sadness. But I also know that it feels like the pain won’t ever end, because I’m in that black hole again right now since my dad passed. What did help me back then was talking about it, grief counselling and ordinary counselling, grief groups and such. Maybe that could help you too?

So sorry to hear that you’ve also lost your Dad. Life seems to be so cruel even though I know death has to follow life.
I am having Counselling but get told I am resisting! I’m not sure how to open up any deeper as I struggle to recall the happy memories.
Grief Counselling I have not tried as yet - so maybe in the new year I will find something that can help.
I can’t stomach the thought of group meetings as yet. Can only keep trying to move on gradually.
I know it is going to be small steps, even they seem to take such massive effort and are so difficult. Why they should be so difficult, even socialising, I cannot put my finger on the reason.
Thank you for taking the time to reply and to give encouragement. I am wishing you all the very best and sending a virtual hug for your Black hole to gain light as quickly as possible. The winter does nothing to help.
Bless you.

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Thank you! True, winter makes it worse. The cold and the dark.

Just wanted to say, resisting? That doesn’t sound like a good counsellor, it should be obvious you’re struggling and doing the best you can! Group meeting can be helpful, but also too much sometimes, so I understand. As for why it takes such massive effort, I think (at least when it feels like that for me) that it has to do with not having energy reserves enough to do more. Grief and all the attached feelings of anxiety and depression etc drain you. A counsellor once told me to list the things that give energy in a green column and things that take energy in a red column and then try to do more from the green column to replenish the reserves. I don’t know, maybe something to try? Wish you all the best. :heart:

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