Unexpected loss of my dad

Hello everyone. It’s my first time posting here and I’m not quite sure how to start so…

I lost my dad very suddenly about 8 1/2 months ago and I just feel so lost. I don’t know how I am supposed to feel, or how long I should feel this sad. I’ve tried to read up on grief and loss and I understand that you feel bad for as long as you feel bad, but I have no idea what is “normal”. Does anyone who has been through a similar thing have any help or advice? I just miss him so much, and because months have now passed, people have stopped asking, so I have stopped sharing so I am not a complete downer. Is 8 1/2 months a long or short time? I am genuinely so lost.

I hope you are all doing okay and thank you so much in advance for any words of wisdom.


Dear @LiLi1

Welcome to the Community, I am so sorry to hear of the loss of your dad.

Sue Ryder have a Grief Guide that contains useful information to help you understand and cope with your bereavement and grief. When you feel ready, take a look as this may be of help and support to you.

There is no right or wrong way to grieve. Everyone has a different grief journey, for some it is months and for others it is years. It is a journey to be taken at your own pace. I do think with some people they are ‘afraid’ to ask how you are for fear of upsetting you. It would be good for you to share how you feel with them. It is ok not to be ok. They will understand.

There is a recently launched free Grief Coach Text Service which sends personalised text support to you, your friends and family. This enables them to support you if you choose to.

It would also be helpful to speak to your doctor (if you have not done so already) to see how they can support you and to see if there are any local bereavement groups in your area. Without wanting to bombard you with too much information there is also an article on Losing a Parent which may be of support and help to you .

Please continue to reach out here, you are not alone, and we are all here to support you.

Take care.


1 Like

Thank you so much for your reply @Peppers, I really appreciate it. I will have a look at the information you suggested and will try and pluck up the courage to speak to a doctor. I live away from the UK so I think maybe that is adding to things, but hopefully things will start to pick up.

Thank you again for your message and I hope you have a lovely weekend x

1 Like

Hi @LiLi1

Firstly I am so sorry for the loss of your Dad.
I am glad you have decided to reach out.

I lost my Dad very suddenly in January, so have some idea of what you are going through.

I would like to say things get easier but I still find it very difficult. However I am having some better days, so just hang in there.

It never leaves you, you just learn to adjust! I have just started using the grief coach text support and am finding their advice really helpful.

Like you everyone has stopped asking so I have stopped sharing but I have found journalling has been a great help.

Keep reaching out for help! Take care!

Hi @RR2

I’m so sorry for your loss, and I truly appreciate you offering kind words, especially as you’re having a tough time too. I’m glad the grief coach is helping you - it’s so hard to ask those close to you for help without feeling like a burden, isn’t it? I think the journalling sounds like an excellent idea, and I may follow your lead. It will probably help to get the thoughts swirling around my head out and onto paper.

I hope you’re doing okay. Thank you again for your help. Take care and have a lovely weekend x

1 Like

Hi there! It is totally normal what your going through. I lost my dad in June 2022. We were so close, I was his only child. I miss him every single day. I find that getting plenty of rest and exercise is a huge help for me. Exercise boosts my mood as well. I look forward to the time I have more good days, but first I know I have to keep going through the grieving process. One thing that helped too is a book called letters to my dad (Amazon). Every day or when you want you write a letter to your dad in the book like he was here. I kind of laughed at the idea at first, but it really helps.

1 Like

You are welcome @LiLi1. Thank you. I do hope you have a nice weekend too as best as you can.

Take care of yourself.

Pepsi x

1 Like

We are in a similar situation! I feel for you, I really do as like me, you’ve been doing the research, trying to find out what is “normal” etc and trying to figure out of your feelings correlate to what the guidelines say. I have done that and I have just passed the six month stage after losing my lovely mother.

May I say that I have felt a tad disappointed by some people around me. Like you, people just don’t ask me anymore and I feel they don’t care either and also like you, I am not by any means on a downer but I am feeling that sometimes it’s necessary to “mask” one’s feelings a bit.

Hope this helps somehow.