I of ten read Rich’s messages to me, I can feel the love in them. We text all the time and tang each other on the way or home from work. I miss that a lot and makes the journey to work difficult x
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I don’t know what’s wrong with me today. I’m so angry at the world. I feel like screaming, I wish I had a punchbag but the sofa and bed seem to do the trick. I’m so angry at the world, I’m angry at my mother for bringing me into it, I’m angry at my partner because I’ve been begging for a sign for a while and I haven’t had one, I’m angry at myself for desperately clinging on to an afterlife that he never believed in and nor do I really. I’m having a real existential crisis. I don’t see any way forward from here 
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Let it out and let it happen. Scream and shout as loud as you like. I do often, it’s the process of loss, it’s you body and mind dealing with the flood of feelings, shock and the raw pain of it all. Don’t feel bad at feeling absolutely awful. Go with it. Right the day off and tomorrow is another day and yes, you’ll be angry at that too!! I promise you it does feel more manageable as you go on.
Imagine an apple that has sunshine inside. Each day you prick that apple and a ray of light comes out , everyday there will be a bit more light. When you do something positive, prick that apple and more light comes out.
You may not feel better today but with each day you will get a little better xx
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Hi everyone
To get back to the original heading of unmarried Partners. This subject really does annoy me as I never realised how bad unmarried partners were treated and some of the stories I have heard on this forum are appalling. Partners who have lost everything including their homes to greedy , uncaring relatives. In this day and age it’s about time the law was changed for long standing partners. No one should be blackmailed into marrying if they don’t want to. To be pushed out of a partners life just because there is no marriage certificate is terrible beyond words.
Do the Politicians realise what is happening.
I was married and we had a will so I had no problems but I can imagine what it would have done to me if I had been pushed to the back and not thought of as important enough in his life. Losing them is bad enough. My husbands daughters have totally blanked me since his death although we had a friendly relationship (or so I thought) so now I thank the Lord that we was married and had a will as I dread to think what would have happened to me.
xxx
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Yep i agree ! Let it out ! Punch pillows and turn the music up and scream ! A counsellor told me that many years ago ! It does help you know xxx
Its the frustration we feel cos all seems lost 
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Oh I’ve been hitting the soft furnishings and having shouting fits all day, Today is the hardest day so far. I think the further along it goes the more I miss him and realise this is the reality now. I have had many bouts of crying and angry outbursts at “the people above” lol. It doesn’t really make me feel any better though. There’s probably nobody up there listening. I’m just so desperately lost. I wish it had been me who went 
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Losing the friendly relationship with his daughters must have been tough too. You’d think they would want to keep in touch with you and make sure you’re coping. I’m greatful we bought the house together and if either of us passed away the other would automatically get the house. I couldn’t imagine losing my home as well as my OH but I know it’s some people’s reality and that is absolutely heartbreaking.
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How long ago was it ? I know what u mean though … people say time heals but does it cos i feel crap too … 3 and a half months on … it just seems to give you longer to realise exactly what you have lost and how precious that was ! I knew anyway ! I was just powerless to stop him going which is so hard to take !!!
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I agree and am 4 and a half months and been feeling worse these days…i think im so disappointed in a lotbof so called friends and family. Feel so totally alone .tbh nobody can help me anyway. I feel i dont want to end up a bitter and twisted woman .pray for strength
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He died on the 15th of March so it’s still very early days. I know it’s very early but I don’t see a way out of this. How is life ever going to have any meaning again? I’m trying to get in the mindset that I was lucky to have had the privilege of spending 17 years with him and that he made me into a better person for knowing him and that I’m lucky to have had something that some people never find but the grief is just so overwhelming at the minute. I think the fact we always did everything together won’t help moving forward. I’m not used to being without him.
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I get that feeling. Don’t get me wrong people have been good but they have their own lives, jobs, partners and kids. It’s not their fault that my world is falling apart. I too feel like I don’t want to end up bitter and twisted but I’m heading down that path I feel. I’m so full of anger and bitterness at the world. I’ve never felt like this in my life before. I’ve always counted my blessings and been greatful for the life we had, we used to go away quite a lot, had our own house and most importantly we were active and happy. I just could never have imagined that I’d end up here at my age.
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Oh i know i sgree ! The support we get is awful i think from some friends and family … ive fallen out with most of my family cos they have been so woefully unsympathetic . My mum been good thougg so thank god for her xx
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I agree … ive never felt so alone either ! Its horrible isnt it. One minute you have a nice cosy , loving, supportive partner and next thing its gone ! So hard to take xx
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Exactly ! Wel i i would have told her to bog off tbh !!! People are so horrible xx
Thats no time at all you know ! 2 weeks … but you know the pain is very sharp at that point ! I remember myself feelibg veey distraught because its just starting to sink in ! Stick with it … it does get better … although very slowly xxx
Oh that’s terrible. I too feel like people are getting fed up of me constantly crying now. Even his mother is trying to change the subject when I’m down there to things like the weather and what’s going on with the neighbours. I know she’s trying to take my mind off it but I feel like the bottom has fallen out of my world and I have no interest in making small talk for the sake of it right now. The problem is I suppose our friends and neighbours didn’t love our partners like we did, their lives are not as effected by our partners passing as ours are. They just don’t get it
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That was one of my favourite things to do with him, food, wine and talking nonsense. The only difference was it was me who was the fast eater. He would take forever. I always used to say to him that his food must have been freezing by the time he ate the last of it.
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Totally agree i just think ppl go on in their own wee bubble then boom we are changed forever. Just cant imagine this life now.i just pray for strength and to cope with it all
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Nobody knows what is like util it happens to you…i suppose i was the same
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I feel the same. My lufe has changed and nobody actually cares
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