Morning . Does anyone struggle with conflicting emotions. One minute I’m stressing that I need to keep on top of jobs around the house , and the next , I can’t be bothered to do anything. I’m so confused. I lost my husband 20 months ago and he was the one that did the “fixing” of things and painting etc , now it’s up to me . I don’t mean big jobs either . I’ve got up this morning ( well I haven’t, I’m typing this in bed) and don’t even know what to do today . My head feels scrambled . I suppose I just need to get up and see where the day takes me . Thankyou for letting me type it out loud . Anyone feel the same ?
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Hello. My husband died 2 years ago and like you he was the one that fixed everything and if he could’nt do it he could find one of his friends or others to do it. I have no contacts now as they are not around and rely on my daughter in law who is very practical. However she also looks after her grandchildren whilst her daughter is at work. I feel guilty about all she voluntarily does for me and I do not like to impose on her further. My son, her husband has had cancer three times in his life and he never complains but clearly we worry about him and he in turn worries about me his elderly mother He helps as much as he can but has limited practical skills. So to try and alleviate the pressures on them I resort to seeking out local handymen for the jobs that I would like done to ease the burden on my son and daughter in law. My husband would not have been happy to pay for these relatively little jobs and my funds are very limited but I feel I am making a contribution after all the llttle jobs that he and his friends did around the home. Like you I spend a lot of time missing him and his presence in our home and shed many many tears
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Hi Feathers1, i struggle with house work etc, since i lost Sue. I find mornings the hardest times. I can try and get some sleep thinking i can do this and that, the following day. I find it hard to get motivated. I lost Sue nearly 7 months ago. Don’t get me wrong the house is tidy, but i find it hard to do stuff. I have still got a lot of shredding and stuff to sort out, but I can’t seem to do it.
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Thankyou for your reply , it’s not easy on any of us is it . I m trying to tackle one small thing at a time . I suppose we are all learning to navigate our way through this . X
Is it ok to find support in other’s that are so broken too?
This is too all of us, not just Feathers1. I so much to do and nothing to do at the same time. I am luckily being recruited for a job.
I managed to tell mum that much. I can’t belief she went when she knew I was doing so much better. All that time wasted, it all so heart breaking. Best foot forward, but it is just so hard at times.
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Hi
I really understand this, my husband died nearly five years ago, he was a fixer and my soulmate, we did everything together. Now it feels like I don’t know who I am or why am are here, I would love to hear how people coped with these feelings. Thank you.
Alison
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Hi , I feel exactly the same , trying to figure out who I am . I try to do things that I used to do as a couple but now I find I don’t enjoy them the same . I’m lucky enough th have our daughter still living at home with me , she says to me that I have to try and figure out my new life now , and to try new things . It’s awful , none of us asked for this to happen . Take care
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Know the feeling only too well,
Will be 3 years this October that I lost my husband and I still feel overwhelmed,
My anxiety has gotten worse ,
I am also a carer for my mum who is 94 ,
Not a journey we all want to be on
Take care
Kind Regards
Susie
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I lost my husband 4 years ago. We were a good team and relied on each other to do the things we were good at. I now have to deal with everything and just recently I have had so much to cope with that I feel overwhelmed and I doubt my judgement.
I have had to have my roof replaced and found the whole thing very stressful as well as having to find a large amount of money. At the same time I had a leak under my bathroom basin. Something my husband would have been able to fix. On top of these I have a distressing problem concerning a garden wall that has partly collapsed.
I feel so stressed, anxious and unhappy. It all feels to much to cope with but I will cope, I have to . These things would be difficult if my husband was alive but we would have faced them together. So hard on my own.
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@Meseaber
I know how you feel with this and how overwhelming it is when everything is down to you and it all seems such a battle all the time. I need to get my septic tank replaced with a modern one if I am ever to move, as our old style one is no longer legal. It’s the very definition of a huge amount of money down the drain. My husband would have dealt with it as he did with all trades folk. I miss that so much. I also have a problem with mould growing under the floor in the garage we had converted for his downstairs bedroom just 2.5 years ago. The builder is ignoring me and I know will refuse to rectify it without charging loads as I am just a vulnerable widow. It makes me feel so angry, weary and defeated.
We were a team too. We ran a business together and I have struggled on with that. Now I have to go through the process of closing it down by myself sometime soon.
Life is all struggle, challenges and no treats, not even a comforting safety net.
I suppose we have to stop and congratulate ourselves as we get through each problem and maybe then it will seem less overwhelming in time? Not sure I really believe this but have no choice really…
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Sarie, thank you so much for your message. These are major things that we are dealing with and sometimes I just want to cry in a corner and pretend they’re not happening but I don’t and I’m sure you don’t. Everything seems to go wrong all at the same time. This morning it’s an outside tap leaking badly and the electricity in my garage not working.
I try to picture in my mind a WW2 image of Rita the Riveter. She would probably be able to cope with all these things!
Lots of well wishes to you and all of us having to cope with all of life’s practical problems.
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Sorry, Rosie the Riveter
So very sorry you have had a lot to deal with,
Must be overwhelming,
I miss my husband so much especially dealing with things around the house,
I am a carer for my mum,and it’s not easy while your still grieving,
I will be 3 years next month
Take care,hugs
Susie.
Thank you and hugs and best wishes
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I feel the same. My husband died 17 months ago. You’ve expressed how I feel.
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I second and third the wishes to us all. With time, I know, I know; How much time, things WILL get easier and very hopefully happier. I wish us all the best with our journey of such profound grief.
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