Val

Losing a child
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My son has struggled with his drinking and over the counter medication for a number of year . He chose not to talk to me for six years only coming back into
My life two years ago now donor feel it has been long . He had managed for quite awhile to work see his children and maintain his home . He looked well and was happy to be becoming a grandad in 2024 ( his eldest son)
He came home from work not well on 16/12/24 went to sleep planning to see gp next day he didn’t wake up .aged 48 . I’m still in school pneumonia was the cause of his death but it didn’t seem real I keep thinking it’s a mistake . He went to soon I feel cheated as do all four of his children.
This came on top of losing my best friend if 48 year August and my grandson who was killed in a motor collision 17/9:23 I’m just empty inside I’ve read some bits on this forum and found it calming . I know at some point I need to start reliving . I look okay on the outside but inside I’m struggling . It’s with a sad heart and a happy heart I start 2024 . I knew his life might be short but it’s not fair I don’t think I can take anymore loss xx

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Hello @ValC,

I’m part of the Online Community team and I can see that you are new to the community - I’d like to thank you for bravely starting this thread and sharing how you are feeling. I’m so sorry to hear about your losses. Most community members have sadly experienced the death of a loved one and so will understand some of what you are going through.

I’m sure someone will be along to offer their support, but I wanted to share a few Sue Ryder resources with you that might be helpful.

I really hope you find the community helpful and a good source of support and I also hope you feel you can access more support should you need it.

Thank you again for sharing – please keep reaching out and know that you are not alone.

Take care,

Alex

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@ValC Hi there, I’m so sorry you have so much loss. My son passed this year aged 35, caught pneumonia and mrsa whilst recovering in the icu which became sepsis. It still doesn’t seem real to me 11 months on, it won’t do as we’re not meant to outlive our children. I miss him every day and still talk to him and talk about him so he’s included in our family still. We are all in the same boat here, grieving a loved one x

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We lost our son of 54 yrs in November. He had Diabetes Sepsis. It was on the operating table. Cardiac arrest. We were not with him which has made it so much worse for us. Dont think we will ever get over the shock.
We are elderly and I just keep thinking we wont be that long until we are in the same place with him. Wherever that may be.:broken_heart:

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I have lost my 18 year old daughter, 4 weeks ago. She was at her dads at the time, after being a typical teenager and deciding to move in with him a year ago. He didn’t even speak to me first about it to discuss it. She had type 1 diabetes, something I managed for 13 years, as hard as that was. My ex husband failed to register her at a hospital for a year, despite my desperate attempts to explain how dangerous that was, then she had sepsis and he didn’t even accompany her to the doctors to my absolute horror. Her cause of death is still unknown but neither my ex husband or his family are now speaking to me as I wanted her funeral in her home town. Before this happened I was already in quite a dark place after losing my cousin and then my mum. Then I split up from my partner of 7 years due to the emotional toll in took on our relationship. My ex wife then decided to hack all my social media, blackmail me, send my private messages to various people and threaten me. I was in such a bad way that I barely dared to leave the house. Which has added further grief to me over the fact that I didn’t see my daughter as much as I usually would. I didn’t want her to see me in that state. I’ve developed acrophobia, severe OCD, body dysmorphia, become withdrawn, socially anxious and quite frankly most days I’m suicidal. I actually thought I’d hit rock bottom BEFORE my daughter died but how wrong I was. There’s much more that’s happened but it’s so complicated. It’s too much for one person to deal with. Grief is a terrible thing but when people can’t be understanding and empathetic towards you it just makes you worse. I have no parents, grandparents, siblings, partner and have just lost one child and the other is in pieces and doesn’t answer the phone to me. Broken is an understatement so I can relate to everything you said.

1 Like
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Thank you don’t know what to say . We shouldn’t out live our children. I’m just feeling in limbo but don’t know what for . Please take care of yourself and thank you for sharing.

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Losing a child is very different to losing a parent or grandparent. Although all grief is relative and don’t think I’m taking anything away from anyone grieving for a loved one but a child is complete hell. It goes against the natural order of things. Unless you’ve been there no one understands the pain. It’s like someone’s cut off all your limbs and you are just floating about not knowing what to do with yourself. So glad I joined this site so I can talk to people that understand.

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So sorry to hear your situation. There are no words that could even begin to take any of it away . Please seek some support from your gp or health services if you have not already . Be kind to yourself take one day at a time . People can be cruel but we can’t alter how they behave or what they say . You need to believe in yourself , look to moving forward at your pace no one else’s . I’m thinking of you .
I’ve gone back to swimming at m local pool I have found it helpful and it’s a good place to cry which I am doing a lot .take care