Valentine’s Day without the one you love

Valentine’s Day is coming up this weekend – and I know that’s a day that might feel extra-difficult to those of you who’ve lost a partner. Whether it was a day you celebrated together, or one that you didn’t really think was important, it’s hard to get away from the focus on couples and romance all around you.

I’ve had a request to start this conversation as a place for all those of you who are coping without the one you love to get together and support each other.

Use the replies to tell other members how you are feeling.

My husband collapsed in the garden on Valentine’s Day and we never got to speak to each other again, didn’t get our champagne and special meal. I find this day particularly bad, however, I believe everyone who has lost the love of their life will suffer more pain on these special days. I wish all couples a long and happy life but I can’t help struggling personally. To all who suffer I hope you can take a minute to remember those special moments together. Take care x

Hi sorry to hear That your husband collapsed on such a memorable day of the year. Valentine’s Day must be particularly hard for you. May I ask how long ago since his passing. Thinking of you cx

Hi it will be 2 years. He collapsed in the 14th, was officially dead on the 16th and it would have been his 60th on 22nd. February is not a good month for me and it still seems like yesterday. We did everything together and I miss him so very much. Thanks for asking. How are you? Xx

I can understand why February is a tough month for you and that you miss him very much. Do you have any support from friends or family? Cx

I have a son and his family close but he will also be remembering so I don’t let him know how much I struggle. I have friends I can call on if I need them but there isn’t really anything anyone can do. I just have to get through it. Even the best of friends think 2 years means things are better and it upsets them to see me upset. There is no easy answer. Take care. Xx

I think that’s the problem that people think 2 years is a long enough to get over it but really you never get over you learn to live with it and some days are better than others. Have you tried speaking to someone from Cruse or does talking not really help? Cx

I haven’t spoken to anyone professionally but talking to a certain extent does help. This helps because it is someone who understands whereas my friends try to understand but don’t. I sometimes meet a lady as I walk the dog and we talk and as she lost her husband she knows what I am going through. I say sometimes but it is about once a week. I live in a place where we were well known and people are kind. There is no answer. It is complicated and sad. How do you cope? Love and hugs. Evelyn x

Hi Ev,
Wishing strength during what will be a tough month.
I am now 4 years since my wife and love of my life passed, and I now take a different view of Special days and anniversaries.
These dates used to bring dread and fear to me and I would be a wreck for most of the day. I started to realise that it was not all about me, my grief and I would not suffer the same every year. So I now call these days “Lynn’s day”. I dress smarter than normal, I arrange to be busy that day, go out for a meal (Yes sometimes on my own) Do things we used to together, buy her flowers and think of all the great fun we had together. I now EMBRACE these days and look forward to them, because they are Lynn’s day and I would do the same if she were still here.
Don’t get me wrong, I still miss her with every breath that I take, but I now longer fear these days. Take care x

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Hello Brian. Thank you for sharing and for understanding how difficult it is. I am glad you are able to celebrate special days and perhaps one day I will be able to cope better. It still feels so raw for me and, like you with Lynn, I miss Billy every minute of the day. Take care and I truly hope you enjoy Sunday. Xx

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