My partner passed away this January suddenly aged 36. I was visiting his plot every other week to take him flowers and have a chat but was being told that going every other week was a bit excessive and i should be aiming to go at least once a month. I started this but found i was going backwards in my grief process and starting to feel very down again. Its not that i need to go there to feel happy but i do feel close to him there and its such a loverly place to go and sit for a bit. Was just wondering how often people visit their loved ones and is every other week a bit excessive.
@brown87 I am so sorry to read of your husband sudden loss. Must of been such a shock for you. I lost my husband suddenly at Christmas and the shock has just started to subside. I now have a intense deep sadness.
I chose to have my husband at home. You should go and visit your husband when ever you like. It is your grief, your unique journey. If it makes you feel closer to him why not. Please don’t let other people tell you otherwise. Take care and big hugs xx
Dear @brown87
I’m so sorry darling.
Like @Hazel.1966 I chose to keep my husband at home, it was his/our favourite place.
You must go visit your husband as often as you want. Everyday if you want.
It’s not up to anyone else. It’s your grief, and your way of dealing it with it.
Other people say things that they think might help us. But they are not living our lives, so they simply don’t know.
Many thanks for your reply and im sorry for your loss. that makes me feel a lot less like im doing things wrong and your right we shouldnt care what others thinks.
Hello thank you for your reply and im very sorry to hear of you loss too its a horrible club to be a part of isnt it. Yes i too have only recently come out of the shock phase and now feel a numbness everyday where i just feel like i here but with no emotions its a weird feeling thankfully i have our children to keep me busy. Your very right in that i shouldnt let others tell me how to grieve and its something im trying hard to work on. Sending love and hugs to you xxx
Thank you for taking the time to reply im sorry to hear about your loss. i have most of his ashes at home with me and a small amount is at the crematorium due to his families wishes. Your right we all have to deal with our grief in our own way and unless people have gone through it they dont understand that we have to do what helps us to heal and get whatever comfort we can from this. Sending love and hugs xx
Unless they’ve been through it, they will never understand. You go and visit when you want. Don’t be influenced by anyone else. There is no wrong way to do this. You just do it the way you choose. When my partner first died in January, I visited where he died regularly as that’s where I felt closest to him. Now I don’t go much at all. He is home but he is also around me all the time. Too many signs for it not to be him.
I won’t be influenced by others. I will grieve my way and do it how I want.
@brown87 my husband was buried not cremated. I go to the cemetery nearly every day. I don’t stay long. I water the plants, have a wee chat and walk around the grounds. On bad days I have gone more than once. I don’t think there’s a right or wrong amount just whatever helps you. I think over time I will probably go less frequently but at the moment I feel the need to go often.
Really sorry about your loss I lost my partner unexpectedly back in April and he was only 34.
I have some of his ashes at home and sent some away for a ring to be made (I’m counting down the days until it arrives!)
I still text my partner multiple times everyday and take his urn up to bed with me. I have a lock of his hair in the locket he bought me and I wear it everyday.
Some people may tell me it’s excessive but I don’t care, it’s what brings me comfort knowing he’s with me each day. You have to do what’s best for YOU! So I say if you feel like going, go!
Hope you are finding some comfort going to the crematorium x
Hi, I purchased 2 cremation bracelets. You can only put a small amount of ash in each, but I never take them off. Mandy’s ashes are also on the mantelpiece. I kiss it every time I go in or out. In the morning and last thing at night.
I sit here on my own, my kids never phone unless I phone them. They don’t really like me visiting really. I’ve not spoken to anybody today. I realise just how alone I am. I wish what I had to do would materialise more quickly. When that is done I hope this sad painful existence will come to an end. Well that’s what I’m hoping.
I have my husband’s ashes at home with me. Makes me feel so close to him. Home was his favourite place in the whole world, so it was an easy decision to bring home, and let him sleep here forever, in the same place as me. (Very personal choices I know - no right or wrong in what we decide to do. I totally respect everyone’s decisions)
I had his wedding ring resized so I could wear it. I now have it on my finger for ever.
And really, reallyspecial for me … When he was in his funeral home they asked me if I wanted his finger prints taken , and a lock of hair cut. To be honest I wasn’t really sure what I was agreeing to at the time, but I said yes.
So, I now have a necklace that has his fingerprint on a tear shape pendant.
It’s so tactile, and feels like a hug when you touch it. I love it. I use it as a comfort , reassurance and as a hug from him multiple times throughout the day.
His last lock of hair is in a box with a piece of our puppy’s first hair cut. (They only ended up spending 12 days together )
It’s all comforting things, but at the same time total s**t that it is these things that I have to take comfort from!!!
All I want his real hug, and fingers on my skin, and my fingers touching the hair on his head.
Hugs to you all who share my anguish, and total heartache​:hugs:
@Cjmpr
I write to my husband lots in a diary too. Telling him things ,how I feel, things I want him to know, what’s happening with family and friends, and some news and sport items that he’d be interested in. And I send him photos in texts.
It’s all just ways of keeping him alive to me
I love him so much, and miss him more than I can say or explain to anyone. 3 days short of 10 months for me.
Tonight feeling the worst I have
Hi, I think for some of us it will never get any better. When your partner in life is no longer in your life , what is left? It’s all utter bull shit. Pretending that you can make a life. I hate my life. I sleep on the settee, and have for over 12 weeks, as I have never slept in our bed when Mandy hasn’t been in it. I don’t want to have a life when Mandy isn’t in it either. Missing her is so painful. It can’t go on like this.
@swojto
I so understand. I slept downstairs for about 4 months after my husband died. He hadn’t slept upstairs in our bed for sometime as the stairs, and then even a stair lift we had fitted were too hard for him. Initially it was on his hospital bed, and then for about a month the floor!!! After the bed went back before a new sofa arrived. ( Had to get rid of our old sofa to make room for the hospital bed downstairs) I did eventually go upstairs again, but just recently I have started sleeping downstairs on the sofa again , and I actually sleep a bit(!) better downstairs.
@Cathphil this new life is definitely shit. So unfair and cruel. I have a necklace made of glass mixed with my husband ashes. I have a teddy scatter box also for when I am ready to take him on holiday to scatter his ashes. His urn is on the unit with his picture above. Just 6 months for me and the pain has changed to a deeper intense pain. I miss him so much and do anything for my old life back. I didn’t know that they did finger prints. I have a lock of hair though as my husband had thick dark hair unlike my fine hair. Oh how I wish we could go back in time. Sending lots of love and hugs xx
It does get less painful you know … but cant say its that great either ! Its a strange world without him i find - everything seems strange - i wanna know what his opinion is about stuff but i cant ask him now and so have to make do with best i can do … its not easy … not gonna lie im 6 months into this btw xxx
I lost my partner unexpectedly back in April and he was only 34.
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