Does anyone else feel like they are just waiting and waiting for their loved one to come back and come home. It’s 10 months since I lost my beloved husband of 48 years and I still shout out “where are you” and “please come home”. Tears pouring down my face as I write this. I’m so lonely without him and miss him dreadfully - don’t think I’ll ever get used to living without him. It hurts so much
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I think we are probably all waiting for them to come home because it’s so hard for the brain to process that they won’t be. I guess in a way we are waiting for them - for when we are together again.
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I feel as though keeping busy during the day means I will see Tony at the end of each day. Sounds crazy doesn’t it? I still can’t accept that I won’t see him again or kiss him goodnight
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17 months on I still wait for my husband to come home or think his in the house when I come home x
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I would give anything for my darling John to come home x It’s 6 months on 6th October since he lost his courageous fight with oesophageal cancer and My heart is so broken and I so wish we could go back and change things x I write to him every day and pray he is able to wait on me and for us to be together again x That’s all we can do x I haven’t thrown anything of John’s out (I just want all of his things to be where they have always been (with me) x
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H, I lost my husband to oesophageal cancer which seems to becoming a lot more common unfortunately 2 years ago.
I haven’t moved any of my husbands clothes/coats etc… it gives me comfort that there with me & it also reminds me that he did exist, death is so shocking & your mind can play tricks on you making you think he was just a dream, someone said to me it’s your mind trying to make sense of the yearning need you have for him but you cannot find him.
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@Kath23. I know about charity shop tear-fests. Took some of my husbands things last week. The lovely cheerful lady asked if I had a good clear-out & I just lost it, all the while crying & apologising.
A scene which will probably happen again as that was a mere 1% of a massive stockpile.
I gave his archery equipment away last week, was strangely OK cos it went to one of his loved family members.
I may keep everything, why should I clear it out. Why indeed.
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@Kath23
I so agree, I wouldn’t be dumping anything of my husbands at a doorway
Barnardos always ask my address & similarly i get a yearly letter telling me how much was raised.
A few years ago I noticed a ‘lot’ going at an auction - boxes & boxes of models & hornby trains. I remember thinking, that’s someone who has died, how sad to have to send someone’s toys to an auction, what a sad end to what’s probably a life’s collection & passion. And here I am today, surrounded by boxes & boxes & boxes in rooms, lofts & garages. Little did I know.
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I’m almost 22 months on & still open my eyes every morning hoping he’s lying next to me. I’ve had some really tough days recently & it seems to be getting worse. I think it’s because I know I have to start finding a way of living my life on my own even though I can’t bear the thought of it. People expect you to have moved forward so you tend to hide your grief. I’ve shed so many tears randomly over the past few days I don’t want to go out & see anyone. I don’t want to be that person who is sad all the time but pretending is exhausting isn’t it.
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@Jodel712 I agree. Pretending is Utterly exhausting, physically & mentally. When will this change , will it change?
Wish I could sleep this pain away
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Hi Kath
I too have just been left to get on with most of my neighbours who I thought were ‘friends’. I had messaged one neighbour to say how awful it was being in the house on my own. I decided I would be open about how I was feeling.
She agreed and said it must be unbearable and so why don’t we try and arrange something in a week or so as she is busy until then!!!
Others just say call if I need anything. They may mean well but if only I didn’t have to keep making the first move all the time …….
It’s hard not to feel bitter and hurt so I am just trying to accept that this just how most people are these days. I suppose it’s just like when Ian passed away. I was surrounded by flowers and cards from family and friends I have never heard from since.
This is why this site is so important.
Take care everyone,
Julie x
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I am very lucky as I have a couple of extremely good friends who were friends of Derek too. They’ve been a godsend but have their own busy family life.
I have good family support but they too have lost a father, son & brother. I’ve met a few people in a similar position down at the churchyard and we meet on occasion to talk.
I feel I’m making my own pressure because I don’t know what to do to move forward. I wrote this poem last night when I couldn’t sleep.
Grief
Grief is a continuous journey,
A long road that will twist and will turn,
It’s not something you’ll ever get over,
It’s a new route you don’t want to learn.
Grief is your personal journey,
But you don’t have to travel on your own,
On those days that seem too hard to bear,
Reach out don’t carry the burden alone.
Grief is an unwanted journey,
But it’s the price of having great love,
So remember the happiness & laughter,
When you look to your bright star above.
Xxx
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What a beautiful poem.
Thank you for sharing it.
Julie x
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I could have written your post myself. That’s exactly how I feel. It’ll be one year in two weeks. I’m devastated. I was just thinking, this is not at home anymore, it’s just a house I live in.
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… and this is not living this is just a body I inhabit…
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I could have written this post. I lost my husband almost 20 months ago & I swear life is getting harder x
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I feel the same way I can’t believe I will never see him again it breaks my heart to think that and sometimes I wish I was with him then we’d be together again I miss him more and more every day and even having children and grandchildren I can’t visualise the long yrs ahead without him xx
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How true that’s exactly how I feel x
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I totally agree I feel exactly the same x
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Hi Julie
I couldn’t agree more. The first few weeks the cards, flowers and phone calls is overwhelming, and then nothing. I have heard nothing from my husband’s family since the funeral and hardly anything from my side. I have a couple of neighbours who I could call on, but it’s like you say, I have to make the first move, I would love someone to just knock on my door. It’s the same with friends. So we are on our own and it’s depressing. I just hope it gets better sometime soon x
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