Waiting for it to hit!

I have no idea how I found this site. Guess that’s my mum meddling again lol. Lost my mum last week and it’s been the most horrendous week of my life. I haven’t even had time to grieve due to family dynamics and I’m scared its gonna hit me when I least expect it. Or have I already done my grieving over the last few weeks knowing it was coming in which case I feel a little guilty at hardly crying so far. I’m just so tired

Hi Chickster
When my mum passed I sobbed at the time of her passing. My mum survived 3 months from diagnoosis. We all took care of her needs. I think during that time especially towards the end I wanted her to pass and at some points tried to figure out how to do it kindly but it never came to that. I think during this time watching them waste away I grieved. I never cried after that day and never have. Did we grieve are we relieved they are at peace. I dont know but I found my mums passing more acceptable if you get that.

Hi tillwemeetagain,
I so understand where you’re coming from. My mum had alzheimers and was only diagnosed 6 months ago. Then 2 months ago she went in to a local dementia centre to get medication sorted out. Thought it was for a couple of days. 6 weeks later she gets transferred to a different hospital and within a week we are told out if the blue to get up there quick as she has taken a turn for the worse!! Until that point
I thought we had years with her! She held on for a week, but it was awful watching her starve and dehydrate to death. I am so angry, but her passing was a blessing when it came. Nobody should have to endure that. My god…we shoot animals because we say its humane. Im just so lost with how i feel

Blimey that clearly was the last thing you expected to happen. I agree and I have said it to the pallative woman that came out to my husband. She looked at me and said you would do that. Well hell yes I would. Clearly they dont see what we see or they havent been in the same place. The woman i spoke to was godly so her face spoke volumes as did her words of in gods hands. Patience was my virtue that day.
It will take time for you to get past the anger and move forward. No time limit just do what you can with the day as the mood takes you

Thank you for your words. I just feel I’m going numb and I dont want to take it out of anyone in the household. (Only my adult daughter and fiancé at home ). Im always the “its gonna be ok” person in the family and they seem to be back to normality with it all already. Didn’t even go to my mums funeral because my step father banned my 2 sisters from going because they hadn’t been in touch for years. They travelled up from England and I had to tell them the night before funeral and couldn’t go and leave them out. I’m so hurt xxx

Well you have certainly been through it. Shocking banning your sisters that should never be done.
Its hard being the strong one but someone always has to step into that role. Easy to say this but try not to dwell on the funeral. Just a suggestion but you could get a tree planted in your mums memory or a rose named after her that you could all have one each.
Or a small memory garden if you have a garden. A place to sit and reflect on happier times.
Just an idea.
Dont beat yourself up each of us cope in whatever way we can. It sucks somedays more than others.

That’s so spooky. I took my sisters out to the cremarorium an hour after the service so we could see the flowers I had ordered outside. I had requested rainbow roses on my “mum” flowers and I picked them off the wreath and gave 1 to each of us. One of my sisters phoned yesterday and has arranged for us to send the rainbow roses to someone to incase them in a paperweight so it’ll be a keepsake. Just away to send it in post this afternoon. I am so sorry to hear about your loss. How are you doing? X

That sounds like an amazing idea i bet it will look very pretty and will never fade. Lovely idea.
I am doing as good as i can better than i was but not as good as i would like. I describe it as bipolar grief😊 and its a mind screw. I am fortunate that i have family that understand I am only mad some of the day😊 and apprieciate my need for space other times.
When you get your paperweight back if you wouldnt mind uploading a picture i would like to see it. I dried out some of the flowers into a small bouquet and put ito a dome for my daughters. Its nice to have a memory even if it is a sad one

Completely understand the need for space. I have always retreated to my bedroom with a book when I feel overwhelmed with life. It sometimes takes it out of me to be around others. I need to be in a good place to have the energy to want to be with anyone outside my household. And that was before this all happened! I’m doomed :flushed: lol. So glad you have family that understand your moods and can support you when you need it. I cant imagine how strong you are having to be right now, but your strength gives me hope :sparkling_heart: of course I’ll post a photo when I get the paperweight back. She says it takes about 3 months :flushed: x

I know what you mean. I actually like the lock down as people outside are just annoying.
But again I have choice and there are people that dont.
Doomed is a good way of putting it :blush:
It will all sort itself out in the wash as my nan used to say but for now will carry on wearing the dirty washhing.
I know it gets easier but one step forward two steps back for now.
Im sure it will be worth the wait the three months will fly by.
Do you know where you got it done

Flora forever. Its a lady called sara from Chester. She sounds lovely on the phone. Sent off the rose this afternoon. I’ll definitely post a photo when it comes back x

Thanks for info and hopefully the paperweight will be as good as expected. Look forward to seeing it.
Hopefully you find some peace in your life as it is and happy memories come back to you.
If ever need a chat just pop on this feed :blush:

Thank you so much. It really has helped speaking to you. Take care and hope to speak again soon. X

Your very welcome. Been nice talking to you to
Chat again​:blush::+1:

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