Washing

I wasn’t too bad when I woke up this morning and was determined to try and have a better day, No such luck, I started to load the washing machine and burst into tears as, again, no washing to do for my darling husband. It’s happened before but these reminders keep attacking us.
xx

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It hits me whenever I load the washing machine or the dishwasher. All things my husband used to do. My chiropodist is coming today. Last time she came my husband was still alive and seemingly well. Yesterday the window cleaner came. Same for him. New tax code arrived for me as I now get some of his pension. It seems to rub it in. Been quite positive last few days. Feel teary today. Just started a new box of tissues. Wondering how long they will last. Can’t talk to family as they are all on holiday. They have all said to contact them but I don’t want to affect their holidays.

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Dear Rome18, I have the same problems when I change my towels in our bathroom. Before I had a big towel for him, a small towel so he can clean the sink after using it after he shaved, his small washcloth, a hand towel, and my towel. Now I have only my towel and a towel for washing my hands. It took me a while to wash his last used towels and put them in the washing machine. His toothbrush, beaker, and his teeth are still in their place and so is his shaver and mouthwash. I still have his scarf and cardigan unwashed in our living room. And in our bedroom is still the shirt they cut off his body while trying to revive him - I just cannot touch it, I also have his mugs in our kitchen but I cannot move them out of my sight and even use them. We are surrounded by painful memories. Sending you lots of love and hugs.

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Hi all i am completely the opposite my wife passed away 9 months ago and the washing machine and her washing was her pride and joy and wouldn’t dream of letting me touch it even after 9 months i cry and feel so guilty that i am " touching " her washing machine my neighbour said i was being sexiest but i don’t mean it it that way hope you
all understand what I mean it breaks my heart to know she will never use it again

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My husbands toothbrush and shaver are still in the bathroom cabinet as is the steroid cream he needed occasionally. I have no clue when I will feel able to dispose of them. I haven’t received the bill for the funeral yet but I expect that will be the next thing to trigger me. I do hope it doesn’t arrive next Tuesday as that will be my first social excursion since he died.

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Hi Bill2, Has nothing to do with being sexist. My husband was only allowed to touch my washing machine for repairs but not for doing our washing. I am in constant fear now that my washing machine breaks down and I have to call someone in who might overcharge me or not do a good repair.

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What started as a relatively better day has turned into another nightmare. My landline isn’t working and I cannot get any sense out if BT from my mobile,

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I crossed my fingers for you that they can work out what is wrong with your landline. I am in constant fear that my computer breaks down again or the printer or the dishwasher, washing machine etc… the list is endless. My husband was the DIY and computer specialist.

Why do other things conspire against us just when we are least able to cope? I know about but and landlines. In our last property our landline stopped working and the call centre was in India. Don’t know if it still is. They insisted on a mobile number. Problem was we were in an area with no reception. Couldn’t get through to them why mobile number was useless. Good luck with landline.

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Your phone hasn’t been changed to voip by any chance? If it has it uses the internet. Is your internet still working? It’s why i have mine that will link to mobile network if my internet goes down

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Yes, the internet is ok thank goodness. I have reported problem to BT on my mobile by messaging but no response yet. Problem these days, it’s impossible to speak to anybody, it’s all texting.
Life just gets worse, it’s one thing after another.

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You may be able to get support via an online chat. I lost my e mail soon after my husband died. I worked in IT for over 35 years but doesn’t help me with e mail. I found the online chat very good and they got me working again.

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Just spent ages talking to a BT engineer in Cardiff. He has checked the line his but cannot fix it. So, I have to wait for an engineer to come on Friday afternoon! At least can use my mobile.
Another great morning, not!

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Hi Rome 18
I used to cry every time I did the washing but I decided as my husband used to give me the clothes of his that had shrunk to wear I could wear any of his clothes I fancied. I try to include something of his in every outfit I wear. This way I get to wash some of his clothes still and it’s made me feel a whole lot better.
I know it might not work for everyone but it’s a small thing people can try.
Losing the person you shared a house with is so hard because there are reminders of them everywhere and we don’t want to lose those things but we don’t want the hurt that comes with them.Just take each day as it comes.

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Hi @Ferret8, a great idea. I will sort out some of my husband’s things I can wear.
It really is awful the way reminders of them suddenly hit us but, as you say, a day at a time.
x

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Always wear my husband unwashed dressing gown

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I think i will wear my husbands signet ring

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Hi @Rome18 please don’t think I am trivialising your phone issues. But when my husband went the tv went haywire, the light bulbs “went”. Noises on my radio or Alexa. Car stereo stopped working. Washing machine stopped working. Wouldn’t spin. Had to buy a new one. I complained of these things at the bereavement group I was attending. 90% of those there had had similar issues with things. They all said, as did the counsellor running the meeting, it is our loved ones trying to communicate. I now take them as signs. I believe he stopped the washing machine working as it was a fire hazard. It started smoking one time when it was spinning. He stopped it working to get me to address the problem. Your phone issue could be that it’s on its way out and your husband has hurried it along so it’s sorted while the days are warm and still light. Just a thought. Sending you best wishes. X

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Hi Rammie
Thank you for that, it had occurred to me because it is odd. The BT engineer said he should have been able to fix it remotely but he couldn’t. He told me I needed a new telephone but on the little window on the telephone, it says it’s the line. BT say there’s no line fault - So, an engineer is coming on Friday, will let you know the outcome.
My husband was very particular about musical sound and had a sound bar and three small speakers sited around the lounge, which he managed through his iPad. When the speakers were operating, the small lights were white, when switched off they were orange. When he no longer was able to come into the lounge, I asked him what I was to do about the speakers. He said that I wouldn’t be able to use them as he had set it all up and he didn’t want me to struggle. The radio and tv are ok without them. I had to have a tv engineer come for something else but mentioned that the speakers wouldn’t work.
Here’s the surprise … without anyone doing anything, the speakers are often showing a white light!!! Those speakers were special to my darling so, I know what I think.
I’ve had white feathers in strange places and a butterfly on a wall, appearing to look at me at a very emotional time.
Sorry for the long post but thought you may be interested.
Sending hugs xx

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Re your phone. Don’t suppose you are in an area with the old telephone pole? When we had a similar issue it was because the line had frayed at the top of the pole.

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