Wave of grief

Two weeks ago my partner of 15 years died suddenly at the age of 47. Yesterday was his funeral which is just a blur but this morning this massive wave of despair hit me and I’m not quite sure how to deal with this. Has anyone any ideas of ways to deal with this horrific feeling. He was my best friend and soulmate not sure how to cope x

Hi. Lindsyoungy. Coping is very difficult. Now that’s an understatement. At times it may seem almost impossible. But on this website you will find so may who have begun to see life differently or are getting support from those who know. Never feel alone. Waves of despair, depression, anxiety and fear for the future sweep over us. Let them. Don’t make the mistake of trying to lose them or fight them off. Distraction can help, but you still come back to how to cope. The acceptance of the symptoms of bereavement, because that is what they are, seem to run a regular course. But not everyone reacts in the same way. We all find ways of coping with the pain. It’s far too early for you to begin to look forward, much too early. But try and stay in your grief without struggling with it. I found it difficult not to have all the emotions that are associated with grief. Anger, frustration, guilt all come into play and have to be dealt with. But like an illness symptoms of grief need be accepted as just that. A natural process. If you have not done so I suggest a visit to your GP. They deal with bereavement often, and even if you don’t want medication they can often offer sound advise.
Now I doubt what have said will make much sense at the moment, but you will get replies on here that may make you realise that you are far from alone at this awful time. Blessings.

2 Likes

Hi there. Since joining this forum I have found that there is no particular way to cope. The feelings you are having are horrific but as you have been advised don’t try to fight them. I have found that to accept them as part of the grief I am experiencing is best for me.
Some members want company of friends or family, some prefer to deal with it alone.
I find my way is probably the latter although I keep busy and do see people to talk to every day. I have dogs that take me for long walks, I grow my own fruit and veg which keeps me busy.
Some want to sort all their loved ones belongings straight away, others prefer to hold onto or wait a while. I chose to get it all sorted out straight away. I always choose to do the worst jobs first rather than leave them. But we all grieve differently.
Stay with this forum and join in, it has certainly helped me, above all you will realise that you are not on your own and can talk about your emotions and we will all understand

2 Likes

These surges of heightened emotions are alarming and you feel they will never end. It is 9 months since I lost my daughter and they are less frequent now but still horrid nonetheless. When I get them I do not fight them. I allow them to wash through me and and I tell myself ‘‘Of course I am going to feel like this. Why wouldn’t I when this has happened?’’
It is very early days for you so just go with however you feel. Feelings will change all the time.
Keep posting and reading. It helps.
With love xx

1 Like

Hi,
I lost my soulmate 7 weeks ago. We had been together for 16 years and I am absolutely devastated. The waves of despair are debilitating and I have had to seek advice from my GP. I am on a waiting list for bereavement counselling and have been given a mild sedative to help me to sleep. I have no advice to give really other than to reassure you that you are not alone. I have surrounded myself by family and close friends but sometimes I prefer to be alone with my grief. I take an hour at a time which in turn becomes a day at a time and I just breathe and put one foot in front of the other, some days not even managing that! To think I will never see him or hear his voice again is overwhelming but somehow I have got through 7 weeks and you will too…keep posting on here, you are not alone…
Take care,
Lynn xx

Hell could not be worse for what we go through.

Thanks Lynn and I’m so sorry for your loss too take care xx

I lost my husband just over 4 weeks ago. The last couple of days seem to have been worse for some reason - and I have cried a lot. I understand from what people say this is normal - although nothing seems normal at the moment. I am OK when I am around people but as soon as I am on my own at home it just comes in waves. I talk to him and I write in a journal and that helps a bit . I am getting cross with myself as I am usually a strong person - but the usual me seems to have just disappeared. I am not sure how people cope - I suppose we will all find our own way of doing this.
I am so sorry for your loss.
Trisha x

Hello Lindsyoungy
So sorry to hear about your sad loss. It is early days for you. My husband died 15 weeks ago. I have no family just friends and feel very alone most of the time. I feel desperate most of the time and have been told that it gets better in time so be strong if you can. I have found sending messages and typing my feelings really really helps as you feel you are not totally alone and others feel just like you. Do get in touch if you want to chat as putting your feelings down may help. Here if needed Sue

Back to top