So the 31st August would have been my 20th wedding anniversary. My best friend, soul mate and wife passed away very suddenly at the young age of 50, the day after Valentines Day. I know this day would come, but I am dreading the thought of it. We had planned to go back to Hong Kong to renew our wedding vows like we did for our 10th anniversary.
It wasn’t to be, and although my friends and my Bro & sister in law are scooping me up next week, the thought of it now is making me cry, I feel so very lonely and I know I will have to adapt, but such milestones are really painful. I am already anxious about Christmas, not having her putting Christmas trees all over the house. I am really really dreading it. Sorry for the long ramble but this site (in the absence of counselling, there’s a backlog) has been so helpful. Love to all those suffering Rusty x
I am so sorry Rusty54 agree these milestones and the first time round are going to be the hardest to get through, I still have mine to contend with, we always go/went to our sons for Christmas with his wife and 4 of our grandchildren, I am really not sure what I’m going to do this year, part of me just want’s to be alone and shut the world out, I do the decorations every year but not sure I’m even going to bother putting any up, when it comes to our anniversary it will be a double whammy, as our anniversary is on 24th April and I lost my Barrie on 26th just 2 days later, 46years we had been married and the last we will have ever shared, even if it was from his bed but at least we had been able to spend it at home with family around.
I wonder sometimes from groups like this as we all share our own personal feelings with each other for times like Christmas in particular, if we all lived closer to together we could have our own Christmas together.
Ooooh @Freedomlass you are spot on, I think I just want to hide and be alone at Christmas, it’s hard when everyone loves you and wants to help and doesn’t want you to be alone. I have thought about volunteering somewhere on Christmas Day which might help, But even the thought having to listen to the Christmas music in the shops and everyone looking forward with excitement when I can’t look beyond the next day. My darling Rachel had a tradition of making Christmas gifts for family and friends, gingle gin, chutneys etc, she was so talented. There is no way I can cope with that, I’m not a mean person, far from it, but we often joked about pink and blue jobs. Although I was always happy to do both. Even this bank holiday is miserable, we would have gone out for the day with our dog.
Sounds like we are more or less on the same wavelength as I also thought about volunteering possibility on a children’s ward at the hospital but know there would be a lot of red tape involved with that.
I have got my son and all the family coming bank holiday as I have a few bits I’d like him to do for me so will make dinner for them all which will mean I’ll actually have to eat a proper meal.
I get the pink and blue bit too, I make all my own cards usually not really done many this year though and not even thought about any Christmas ones, then I’d get silly things for everyone while Barrie would get the main gifts, he was always better at that as I could never think of what to get but he’d come up with some really good ideas, your wife’s home made gifts sound wonderful.
Hi Rusty I have only just list my husband of nearly 28 years. Our anniversary will be in October. We met on Christmas Eve and I am dreading it. Then his birthday in February followed a week later by Valentine’s. Not sure how I’m going to get through that.
That’s a lovely idea about the Children’s Ward, but you’re right huge red tape. I might look at serving Christmas lunch to the homeless or delivering meals to those on their own - slight irony there! I wonder if there is a list of charities that need help over Christmas/New Year, a Google job for me this bank holiday. Barrie sounds like a top man, although he’s no longer with you he still is and always will be, just like my Rachel. I am so grateful for being able to share things on here, it’s my safe space. Seeing your family will be nice and I know what you mean about a proper meal, it can be such an effort. X
@Gareth6257, I am so sorry for your loss, I am sure you are feeling numb and lost like the rest of us. My wife passed away the day after Valentine’s day, we spent the day cuddling and telling we loved each other which was such a precious moment, I am sure she held on so that she didn’t pass away on Valentine’s Day. I miss her so much. I think this site will be very busy at Christmas time but at least we can all support each other it’s going to be tough, Rusty x
Hi . It was my 40 wedding anniversary in June . I took flowers to garden of remembrance . Then got stuck into our garden . Trying to make it nice as a gift for hubby . It took most of the day . And I did have a smile . Imagining hubby watching me . Saying what on earth are you doing . Only stronger words !!! As I hacked away at some plants and ruined the grass with lawnmower . But I was pleased with it when it was finished . It was a sad day . Thinking of our wedding day and all the anniversarys we had . But I think the lead up to the day was worse than the actual day . The dread of it everyday . But on the day I dealer with it . And had lots of tears on the night . Hope you find a way to manage I know it’s hard .thinking of you xtake carex
Thanks @Broken2222 wise words. I have also been attacking the garden which was Jacob’s pride and joy and I can also hear her saying what on earth are you doing, but I think she’d approve as it does look nice x
& @Broken2222 I’m another one who’s been attacking the garden, well as much as I can as my own health isn’t the best mobility being the problem, I’m not in a chair but bending, kneeling (that I just can’t do) and my hands all due to Osteoarthritis makes things difficult, I know Barrie would have laughed one day when I fell over thankfully onto the grass backwards, I just sat there thinking ‘how the hell am I going to get up’ all I can say is it wasn’t very lady like, Barrie was the one with green fingers, he could cut, move and replant anything anytime of the year and it would grow, me, I’m not so lucky but I try, as they say if at first you don’t succeed try try and try again, I have a little spot outside my back door near some seating that I have made for him, a little standard red rose in a large pot that some of his ashes went into, it is blooming beautifully lots of buds still to bloom too, in the pot is an Iron Heart with his name on that I got through St Barnabas as they were brilliant with me, above that is a wall plaque of Tree of Life that is a solar light and a wind chime that has a lovely little verse and a photo of Barrie on, I say he’s there keeping an eye on everything, he’d love to sit out and just gaze over the garden.
Yes I think we need to be here for each other at Christmas
Hi it would have been our 18th wedding anniversary on 4 September. The second one without Kevin.
Totally understand how you feel, He was 54, it’s too young isn’t it?
Sending hugs to you xxx
Gareth was 65, which is nothing these days.
Hi , your area for your husband sounds beautiful . Hope it brings you a little comfort . I am hopeless at gardening . I don’t like it . I call it mans stuff . My hubby loved to garden and had it beautiful . Now it looks nice ! I am finding there is a lot of mans stuff I have to do now . Every new thing I have to do I find even more heartbreaking than I am already . This life is so cruel . Thinking of you . Xtake carex
My Barrie was only a year older at 66y
It’s just so brutal. My 11th wedding anniversary was 2 days after my baby’s funeral… Martin was only 47 and I feel my whole future has been stolen… Sending love to you all… xx❤️