It is now just over 6 months since I lost my lovely Dad. Today (sat 5th Sep), I seem to have hit very low point. I find weekends difficult as they were so much about being with Dad. When he was well & before Cancer took hold, I spent my weekends with Dad, walking his dogs, go to allotment or garden, go for a drive if weather bad. I would usually cook us Salmon on Sat evenings & would watch TV together, putting the world to right. I am on 27th Saturday without Dad, & feel overwhelmed by the many more to get through. Which I know is such a negative thought, maybe neurotic. Also I felt like this past, when divorced, weekends felt isolating so worked at weekends when able to get shifts, to get round. I also miss Dad’s phone calls, as even though I was in his company a great part of Saturdays & Sundays, we would ring each other or he would drop in, to get cup of tea. I have niece & brother, but even in this lockdown, it always me that contacts them & suggests they visit or I visit them. I know they grieving too, but they have easch others company. I letting off bit of steam. I read other posts & lot of people having so much more to contend with. My Dads birthday next Sat. He would have been 85. I know he had a long life & I am grateful to have had him around so many years, but next Saturday will be difficult. I will do something small to mark it, if I can. I’ve had a very tearful day & it has felt lonely,… I will get through it
Hi Sara, I have read your previous posts and can understand why you have hit a low point today. It’s 4 months since I suddenly lost my wife (she was only 75) and I find it’s more difficult to cope now than it was 2 months ago.
I hope you get a reply from Meebee but she has left the site at the moment (hopefully not for long) as she is in a similar situation to you.
Wishing you the strength to cope with next Saturday. AL x
Dear Green fields
I am so sorry that you have lost your dear dad and that you are finding it lonely without him. Loneliness and grief seem to be opposite faces of the same coin…when we lose someone we love very much we lose not only the person themself but also their companionship and the routines which were so much a part of our lives. It is still quite early days for you but try not to think too much about the future and concentrate on the here and now. Every one of us is different but perhaps there is a hobby that you have thought you might try and now is the time to pursue it. Or you might want to try some kind of course…with lockdown lessening keep your eyes open for local opportunities…or even volunteer to help someone of your dad’s generation who finds themself alone and grieving, I think I may sound a bit like one of those
" cures for loneliness" blurbs and I apologise…I haven’t done any of the things I am so glibly advocating but I have managed to get through the last four years thanks to my dogs and by trying to turn loneliness into aloneness which somehow is easier to accept.
(Like you, I am a Libran…my scales go up and down a lot though!!)
I am sure you will get positive advice from others…please keep posting and take care x
I felt compelled to respond to your post because you are counting the weekends since your dad died. My mum died on Friday 14th june 2019 and I counted every Saturday I spent without her right up until the first anniversary.
I cant promise you will ever come to terms with this. I still cry several times a week. My mum and I lived together and did everything together so losing her has been nothing less than catastrophic for me. However things do become less raw and the counting of weeks does stop.
6 months is no time at all.
Dear Greenfields, I am so sorry for the loss of your beloved Dad. I relate to the sudden change in routine and accompanied loneliness. I spent every weekend with my Mom (she was another lovely Libra Lady) shopping, nail & hair salon, church, dinner, watching old movies & comedies. I made sure she was never alone on birthdays or holidays. “Putting the world to right,” well said. When she died of cancer in 2012, all of that changed. When others at work could not wait for weekends, I dreaded them. Like you, I took on extra shifts to stay busy & distracted. My sweet younger sister & I tried to plan activities on weekends whenever possible. She & I eased our grief by sharing history, stories and special memories of our Mom. We also continued to celebrate our Mom’s birthday together every year. Then she too was cruelly taken by cancer in 2018. Now weekends are just sad reminders of those special times. Lockdown intensified the grief. How often I prayed to break the deafening silence with just one more text, phone call, and long conversations with both my Sister & Mom.
You need not minimize your situation. Granted we all have much to contend with, but one cannot compare grief. Each person’s loss is monumental to them. 85, I am sure you wanted many more years with your beloved Dad. Grief defies age. I know this birthday will be another “grief hurdle” to get through. Finding a way to honour him in your own way will help, That could mean just lighting a candle and spending a quiet day to reflect. Sorry you are having such a tearful & lonely weekend, I have so many of those myself. Be easy on yourself, these feelings can be overwhelming at times.
Let off steam & vent here as much as you need. Here to listen any time.
I would like to thank all who responded to my weekend loneliness post. The understanding, support & kindness means so much & also helps. With my brother & niece was able to mark quietly & appropriately, Sat 12th Sep, which would have been my lovely Dad 85th birthday. The weather was perfectly sunny, with a comforting warm air. We went to a quiet, bridle way walk, which has lovely views of a part of Northants dear to us all. My brother brought flasks of strong tea, Dads favourite tipple & my niece had made, mini apple pies. The apples were from tree in Dads garden. We saw no one else & it was so peaceful. I found this weekend, better to cope with than last, although had tears, of course. Again thank you all for your words of wisdom.
Hello Greenfields, It sounds like you found a lovely & fitting way to honour your beloved Dad’s 85th birthday. So glad our support brought you some measure of comfort. We lift each other.