Well Iv done it …..

As most of you on here have seen in my earlier posts I love northern soul and Rob and I used to go every week end .
Iv only been out a couple of times in almost two years ( since I lost Rob) well I have requested a friend in a social media site and she lives across the street from me and is single and she also love northern soul music so last night we went to a local Motown night and I loved every minuet of it although I very nearly didn’t get there.
I had been looking forward to it all week and mentioned to my mum I was going out. My mum is 85 and to cut an even longer story short my two children both feel she is trying to get to come and live with me. There are lots of issues around this for me 1: she can’t manage my stairs 2 : I feel my life wouldn’t be my own 3: I’m a carer and feel I would be looking after people at work and coming home to do it again 4: I love my mum dearly but she’s not the easiest of people to cope with . Need I go on . So yesterday the day I was going out she became I’ll and her life line contacted me in the very early hours so say she had taken I’ll and they had called for an ambulance when I gets to her bungalow the top and bottom of it was she had a dry cough and she wasn’t breathing right . The paramedic found nothing wrong apart from her temp was raised . After going back and forth ALL day she said it’s because I’m on my own and I get scared . Today the day after I had gone out she was fine still had a cough but was fine and can’t help feeling that my children might be onto something she didn’t like my husband and made it clear at times although she came to our house every Sunday for her dinner which he tolerated for my sake. She never acted Poorly as she does now and my two children say it’s because my husband isn’t here anymore and she trying to get me to suggest she comes to live with me .
I really don’t know how to handle this my dad had been passed for 16 years now and this has only been happening the past two years , ironic rob has been passed two years It does make you wonder

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Hi,I having just read your post with a smile on my face. Two things, first my mother and second my sister both have shown similar types of behaviour. My mum thought that I was doing to much for my husbands parents and tried different tactics to get me to be her full time care but she really didn’t need it. My sister, my mothers eldest child, I am the youngest, is doing the same thing as your mother is doing. My sister’s daughter doesn’t have a life because as soon as she says she going away for a weekend or week, my sister is suddenly struck down with something even at Christmas she did it, nothing really wrong only she wants attention all the time. Sorry you have to be strong and listen to your children, they haven’t got the same emotional attachment that gives then a different view to you. My two boys could see what my mother was doing and I didn’t listen and oh boy I should have.
To make you laugh. She had a mobility scooter and one late night/early morning she went down to the town centre. The police stopped her and she gave them my telephone number and she made out that she needed my help. They rang and had to them to take home and disconnect the battery and when I had finished work the following day I would sort it out. It was about 3 in the morning, when I went the following day there was nothing wrong but she said she had missed me, I had been the day before. That was horrible but I know what she wanted and from then on I had to be strong.
There are lots of stories like that which she tried and life wasn’t good but I stopped being soft after that one.
Hope this helps just a little. Number one, look after yourself and your life. We don’t have children so they can look after us, well we didn’t. S xxx

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Susiem thank you for your reply I’m sorry you have had to go through what you have but it’s kind of nice to know I’m not the only one .
I told her today that I had been speaking to a professional at work who deals with behaviours and they told me not to have her here to stay overnight as I’m feeding the habit and preventing her from becoming accustomed to being on her own . I’m going away in September for two nights so I’m expecting a repeat performance and I feel awful just continuing to do what I have planned but I can’t let her ruin my life

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You are right, she just wants her own way. I know that sounds awful but it’s the truth. From my own perspective I know I will not do it to my children and I should think it’s will be the same to you. Go away you deserve it and ignore what ever she tries, it’s hard but you have to think about yourself at times. She’s 85 and no one goes on for ever and she is aware of the impact she is and will have on the quality of your life. Try talking to her about your fears and what in packed she is having and also what you want now life as settled into some type of pattern. I don’t know how it will go but it may worth the try. Sxx

Kazzer/Susiem

Your posts put a smile on my face!!:blush:

Both posts reminded me of my mum after dad passed away. Not that I got any grief from her, though my sister did who lived not far from her. Eventually, mum moved into assisted housing which was worse, only a 5 minute walk from my sister. Mum would always ring her, she was ill or needed something.

There was one time when my sister called the GP in the morning for a home visit, spoke to mum and confirmed the appointment then went to work. My sister called mum when she returned from work only to be told the GP didn’t call. When do you think my mum chased up the home visit? 4.30!! My sister was livid.

I could go on and I’m sure you both could. Keep your independence and only mention a holiday or break etc after it’s happened.

Best wishes
John

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Hi @Kazzer, @SusieM, @John3,
I also smiled reading you posts. I’m from the other prospective, I’m now the mum on my own now.
I often threatened to our children I’ll come and live with them. The funny thing is my daughter and son-in-law would happily love me to, as I’m quite house proud something that has not been passed on in my daughter’s genes, it has to my son.
I’ve just come back from staying at my daughter’s, looking after the grandchildren and the dog as they were away for a night.
I am so glad to be back home, to the place I’m am surrounded by my husband and all my memories of him.
I love my daughter deeply but there is no way I would want to live with her.

@Kazzer, I glad you got to go to northern rock evening .
Debbie X

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And yet another early morning call from my mums lifeline to say she has taken poorly and they have called for an ambulance so at 2:15 this morning I get up get dressed in a fashion jump in the car and go to my mums ( only about 5 mins in the car) . And again nothing is found wrong with her apart from a chest infection which she’s being treated for and a covid positive test result which we knew about . The paramedic agreed it was all in her head . I am at my wits end I’m absolutely shattered both physically and emotionally , still grieving the loss of my husband . My mum is 85 tomorrow and all of this is down to her anxiety I’m sure of it , I need to speak to her GP . I just wish Rob was here , but then he would say the same as the paramedic “ it’s all in her head” but at least I had someone to off load onto so I suppose that’s what I’m doing now . Thanks for reading take care xxx

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