Peter was ill for eight years before he died and I took care of him 24/7. The carpets, furniture, walls were all damaged during those eight years due to paramedics equipment banging this, that and the other, oxygen cylinders, wheelchair, accidents etc. so when Peter died, the house was in a mess. Just before Peter became ill, we had decided to decorate two of our lounges and chose the paint and paper we wanted, but then he fell ill and it never got started.
After Peter died and all the paperwork was sorted, I decided to fill my time by sorting out the house, I did it all myself, our sons wanted to help but I said just leave me to it. I ripped all the carpets up in both rooms, and got someone to take away the sofas. I got a decorator in which a friend had recommended to me and he decorated both the rooms with the paint and paper Peter and I had chosen many years before. I then went to a carpet store and chose new underlay and carpets. I had all the curtains cleaned and hung back up. I then went and bought new sofas and chairs for the two lounges. I bought new cushions and polished all my furniture and washed ornaments and hung back pictures on the wall.
After it was finished I got in touch with a plumber that had been recommended to me and decided to have a new bathroom installed, I had the bath taken out and a large walk in shower installed and vanity units, he also tiled the walls and the floor.
I then decided to have a new kitchen floor laid, it was cushion floor so I had wooden type laminate floors laid. Because the bathroom was so gorgeous it made the bedrooms look shabby so I painted the walls, the same colour as before and bought new borders. I had new carpets laid in two of the bedrooms. It took me from February 2015, 6 months after Peter died, to November 2015 to have it all finished. I have all the tradesman I used on my phone so I call them if I have a problem. Not once did I ask our sons for help, I wanted to do it on my own.
The problem was, from the day Peter died, I had kept myself so busy that even though I cried and cried, I had so much work to do that I was so tired at the end of the day, I fell into bed and slept the night through. BUT when the house was completely finished, I was totally lost, I screamed and shouted because I had nothing else to take my mind off losing Peter. I had not given myself chance to grieve, I just wanted to keep busy which was the biggest mistake of my life. This is why we are told to give it a year or two after we lose our partners to start making changes, but I didn’t, I got stuck in straight away.
I have survived over six years on my own and will survive whatever time I have left, I have a gorgeous home, thanks to Peter because without our savings, my state pension his Private Pension and insurance he ensured we took out I could not have afforded to do it. He has always taken care of me and is still doing so. I have a lot to be grateful for.
Lots of love.