What am I going to do?

So sorry David. Your daughter is lucky to have a dad like you I support her through the pain. Please don’t forget to Ake care of yourself too. Hugs

@DMsad I hope the biopsy is ok. X

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I’m up and again it’s 3:00am. David yesterday was tuff for me. The day started okay but as the day went on I become so sad. I had to go back to work on Wednesday the 15th which for me was way to early. I can tell I’m starting to get ill from lack of sleep. My immune system is off from lack of sleep. I have a doctors appointment today. I’m just going through motions. I lost my mother 30 years ago when I was 26 years old. That was horrible but I think with a newborn & 7 yr old I was so busy I didn’t have time to be sad. I know I will never get over the death of Matthew. I have to find a new normal. I’m planning is Celebration of Life for June. There’s so much to do after a person passes. In my mind I think did I do enough? Neither of us knew he was that sick until it was too late. He started with a UTI which is so rare for men. He went and saw his Urologist. Two weeks he was on antibiotics. He seemed to be getting better. But when the UTI came back, the doctor told him it was something else. Although he discussed this with the doctor, no antibiotics again until March 7th. Come to find out he had a bacteria called Aerococcus Urinae. Between Feb 11th and March 7th, this bacteria took over. All through the blood stream. It raged through his body. Other than saying, he was tired and felt sick and didn’t think he was getting better, I had no idea. Neither of us have any medical background. He had a heart attack and he was gone. I’ve gone back in my mind a thousand times asking did I do enough. We just trusted too much. Hind sight is 20/20. Now I look back just over the past 2 weeks before he died and we should have seen someone else. Just such a loss. He should be here with me right now. This wound is so raw.

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@SharonB . I am so sad to read your story and my heart goes out to you. Please don’t blame yourself as it sounds like you did everything you possibly could have done.
Not sleeping or oversleeping is normal. At first I slept a lot but now, five months later I wake up a lot in the night.
I hope your GP signs you off from work as you need time to grieve and heal.
Sending love and strength to you in bucket loads xxx

Alir
Thank you. I’m scared if I take a medical leave ultimately I will be dismissed. I’ll be 56 this year and last I checked employers aren’t too eager to hire someone of my age. I thought about working part-time. That would be idea. But there’s the whole medical insurance issues. I think I might have the onset of bronchitis. My throat is raw. I know my body and when I don’t get proper rest I get sick. I’m going to ask if there is something I can take or do to help me get better rest. Hopefully I’ll get some answers today.

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Johnc1 so sorry to hear of your loss. There are no words. I hope your friends and family continue to support you. My darling husband of over 20 years died on Feb 7th.

I have been reflecting on recent events. Just over 6 weeks since Enzo died. Literally hundreds of contacts in the first few days. Out pouring of love and promises of support from friends and colleagues across the world ( Enzo was a seafarer).

Where are they now? Haven’t had so much as a text message from most. Many couldn’t even spare an hour to support me at Enzo’s funeral, 12 called on the day to say they weren’t attending. Others have simply gone silent. So disrespectful.

I can count the number of true friends and colleagues who care, and keep in touch on the fingers of one hand.

I am 56 and still working. No calls from staff I share an office with at all. Some of them for over 15 years. Not a single call from senior staff.

I understand that others have lives to live but It has taught me a harsh but valuable lesson that has left a bitter taste. The time and effort spent on supporting them previously was wasted. Never again :rage::cry: Even when Enzo was unwell I made time for them. They can now all go to hell.

Amazing how quickly work replaces you & moves on.
Surprising how many friends really aren’t !!! I hope you have a supportive network that will help you navigate the weeks and months ahead.

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SharonB. What a tragic history. The shock of a UTI taking the life of a loved one is so awful. Matthew’s passing understandably left you shell shocked.
I hope your GP and employer can support you through the coming months xx

@SharonB
That is so sad to hear , your employer should not be able to dismiss you in the circumstances. Do yoy have any one that you could get advice from?
I hope you get some time off from your GP as if you keep working you will get worse.
Wish I could say something more helpful to you.
I do hope you get on o.k today when you see your GP
and get the support you need.
Thinking of you xx

@Angelalouisa
So so sorry to hear your story. I can relate with you when you talk about so called friends keeping in touch and stating how they will do anything they can to support you.
My husband passed away almost five months ago. He was the kindest person you could wish to meet. He did a lot for the church, which we attended. He planted 80 roses in the church yard, opened the church on the wardens holiday and helped people with their gardens, all very happily as he wanted to. Well, it’s almost five months and not one of the so called “Christians” have contacted me, not even the Vicar. I also went to church so they all know me and I got on well with everyone.
One of my neighbours has been like a mum to me. Taking me shopping, making sure I am o.k. The other neighbours were fine at first but seem to have forgotten what has happened and where I am.
My faith in people has almost dissapeared and yes, I do feel a bit bitter against some people. I know I shouldn’t feel this way but I do. It just shows though, it doesn’t matter how much you do for others in this life very few are around when you really need them. They show their true colours. Feel sorry for them when it’s their turn.
Sending love xxx

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@SharonB sorry to hear your story, my mum died 30 years ago as well so I understand that pain. You should get your doctor to sign you off, they are more tuned into ensuring mental health and understand the impact of bereavement on this. Your employer should not discriminate against you for this, also employers are not allowed to discriminate on the basis of age. I would talk to your HR representative and see what advice and support is provided by them.

Good to see you back @Jonathan and thanks for the prayer.
I had coincidentally commented on another thread about how peoples near death experiences conform to me that death isn’t the end. There are too many to ignore in my opinion quite apart from my faith which tells me there is another life after death.
Karen xxx

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So sad and so unfair. Sad state of affairs that there no longer seems to be a community spirit in the neighbourhood or church. Shame on the vicar - of all people s/he should know better.

Sending kindness and best wishes

Hello @Davidroy, I am so very sorry for your loss, my friend - this is really hard for you. I know how it is to have a beloved one suffering for a year before dying as it happened to me. I feel almost as though I date my time of being alone when Tom was diagnosed and started to go downhill really quickly. From doing everything together, I suddenly had to take everything on and make it all work, while supporting him and watching his decline in disbelief and despair. It is awful. I also understand how you feel about the future. This time, last year, I felt the same way. The grief we feel is love - love for the one we have lost and all the loss that comes with their departure - the laughs, the shared stories and history, the parts of your life together that was uniquely yours and how you loved her and all of it, so much. From my experience (and it is only my experience), I can say it gets easier to bear. Slowly, slowly. Grief isn’t linear as I am sure you will know, but putting one foot in front of the other, each day, will take you forward into a new world but one where you can still talk to her, think of her and love her all the same. I am so glad you have joined us on here, my friend as we all understand completely and we are all right here for you. Hold tight, you will survive this x

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I’m the same today@Deb5. More bad days when I sit and cry than good days. As you said it’s so tough. Take care x

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Thank you. And you too xx

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The bacteria was Aerococcus Urinae. Within 2 weeks it went threw the blood stream, straight to the heart. I have no medical background at all. It was a resident that told me this bacteria is rare and related to UTI. This sent me down a rabbit hole. I needed to know. How does a man have the time of his life and 27 days later he is dead. He had a heart valve replacement a few years back. That bacteria had collected on the valve. I don’t think he knew what happened. For me the hardest was pulling him off the sofa, ripping open a sweat shirt and starting CPR. I’ll never forget that sound. I knew he was gone but I couldn’t stop. I know my world will never be the same. I have to find some new normal. The horrible part is this might have been avoidable if the Urologist would’ve done further testing.

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All are good valid points. I work for a small company. One of the owner’s is HR. I’m the only one who can do my job. At this point I would like to be at home a few days to get things done that I can’t really do at work. I would even consider part time for a while to get things done. I didn’t realize there was so much after a person passes that is so time consuming.

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Thank you and you too Kev2. Life doesn’t prepare you for this pain. That is a very true statement.