What am I waiting for..

Closure, to feel better, to laugh without guilt, the pain to stop, the hurt to go away, the crush on my heart to stop, the end of it all!

But I realized today that’s not going to happen, what ever I do, grief is going to run along beside me, sometimes it will put it’s arm around me and comfort me, sometimes it will drag me in to all it’s horrors but mostly it will just sit there always at my side.

Learning to live with it will be my saviour. Learning to accept it’s not going anywhere will allow me to take steps forward everyday.

Grief is with me for life in whatever form I allow it to take.

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Hi @Ali29 ,

Thank you so much for sharing this with the community :blue_heart: I’m sure someone will be along to offer their support, but I just wanted to let you know that you have been heard and you are not alone.

Take good care,
Alex

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Hi @Ali29
What you have written is very true. Grief will stay with us but honestly it does get easier to handle and live with and all those horrid emotions do slowly fade.
I thought like you and walked around with a heavy heart and what seemed like a weight on my head and shoulders then I noticed it becoming lighter and slowly I was coming out of the darkness and could see that light at the end of the tunnel. It didn’t just happen as grief moves in mysterious ways. Some memories now bring me joy and I can laugh about them. I can talk to my husband without the constant tears and above all I am able to accept this life I now have and even like it. As you say it’s all about learning to live with and accept. It’s a slow process with no quick fix but we can overcome the misery given time and patience.
Good luck
Pxx

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Ali perfectly put, grief is going to run along beside us in whatever we do, but we WILL get there wherever there is.
Stay strong.
Sending love and hug :people_hugging: :people_hugging:

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Hi Ali i read that grief is love with nowhere to go.It made sense to me .17 years today i met my partner so a hard day bitter sweet but so thankfull he chose me xxxx

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Morning Ali29,
I think that you have summed up what many of us on this caring site feel.
In the early days of my bereavement I tried to explain to a friend that sometimes I felt that I was walking beside myself so there were two of me, but how could anyone understand who hadn’t lost a loved one.
One of the best things I did was to join a rock choir. It took alot of courage and my daughter came with me for the first time. You don’t have to talk much as you’re singing but over the 2 months I’ve been going I have heard that many of the choir have been bereaved and that was the reason they joined . The singing is good as you can’t think about anything else at the time and the songs stay with you drivng home. It is hard this grieving process and no one can really understand untill they sadly have walked in our shoes.
Sending you good vibes.
Love Jenny x

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@Doughtyj @Kingfisher @Hope5 @Pattidot
Thank you for your replies, It helps when others feel the same and share their experiences. Love the choir idea!

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Ali, do try the choir as it really has lightened me up in my mind… I look forward to a wednesday evening for a couple of hours. The song we are learning at the moment is…(I don’t want to not dance again) and I used to love dancing so fits in well with my thinking, maybe line dancing!! Now I’m getting carried away, small steps.
Love Jennyx

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Well done @Hope5 for turning a day that could break you into a positive thought. Just that. Your partner chose you…So keep remembering this.
Pxx

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Thank you @Hope5 and @Pattidot for reiterating Hope’s message about our partners choosing us.
That and wonderful memories are keeping me from going mad today. He would hate to see me so upset.
In 27 weeks, this is up there as one of the worst days, probably because it’s been a very challenging week.

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So sorry @Rome18 that your struggling today. These days/weeks really do test us. I kept telling myself that tomorrow was another day and very often it was. Still early days for you and I can remember them well. Grief can turn into madness and we have to struggle our way through it. I think I have become pretty well balanced now, time has helped me but I still don’t like being pushed out of my comfort zone and I used to be such a strong person. If I was having a tough time I tried to do something that helped me to put it to the back of my mind even if for just a short time.
Good luck
Pat
xx

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Hi pattidot and rome and all of us .Thanks and sorry to hear today is a bad day for so many on here .I still feel his presence every day and talk to him and im sure hes somehow engineering things for me to make my life better so.he looked after me for 17 years and still is .Thats my belief .Hope every ones day gets a bit brighter just knowing we are all here for each other xxx

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Thank you Pat for your encouraging words, I’m so pleased that you now seen to be managing quite well, I know what you mean about our comfort zone.
I used to be a confident and positive person, that’s all pretty well gone now. I worry about most things, although I have had to cope with all the admin and financial matters.
I am going to try and focus on sorting out some photographs this afternoon.
Best wishes xx

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Hi @Rome18
Good idea to sort out the photographs although some of them might bring up memories. My husband was a photographer so there was thousands of them. I gave some to members of the family, some went to the local heritage centres as they was of local interest and I’m afraid I burnt a good many of the them. I still have many on the computer.
Pat
xx

I have very few photographs of my husband. He was normally behind the camera. It was a real challenge to find one for his order of service but found a lovely one of him in a racing car. We bought a race day experience for a friend’s 40th and Norman went with him. Just wonderful memories. He loved cars and loved the experience

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Hi Pat
Our eldest son was over from the US a couple of weeks ago and wanted some of our pics from certain times. So, I forced myself to get the albums out. After a few tears, I managed to look through a few, so I am going through some more. I’m actually, surprisingly, ok doing it. I have found some I had forgotten, bringing back special memories. I have successfully taken photographs of them with my iPad camera, to store with the other ones on there.
How lovely for you to be able to give some of your husband’s photographs to the local heritage centre.
xx

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Hello @Rome18
I found so many photographs that it was impossible to keep them all. I did however find an old locked suitcase in the loft full of old photographs and some of them must have been of his ex wife (he never showed me a photo of her) and I found some of them together. Needless to say I enjoyed throwing these in the incinerator.!!!
Pat
xx

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