What did/do you need during your first Christmas?

I am first of all so sorry for your loss and it is a hard time of year From personnel experiance I think it can help to do something different and it’s important to do what feels right for you. May you find some peace this Christmas and hold onto those good memories. x

I will be doing something Different this year i have 2 Adult Daughters but i will be spending around 6 hrs with compĺete strangers at pur Local Community centre. My 2 Daughters will be experiencing Grief and i do not want mine piling onto them,i know they will be ok .
I will never forget my sweetheart and know matter where i go her Love will be with me
KEN

Hi everyone, this is my first Christmas without my wife well I should say 2nd as Tiina died on the 24th December last year on her 44th birthday so Xmas last year was a blur the same I think for this year we didn’t have children so on my own except a visit or two from friends thank god for friends they are lifesavers dreading this already sorry for the post not being positive but it’s so hard take care everyone

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That is so lovely Pauline that you could do that but I think I would just find it even more lonely than being alone.
I spent my first Christmas being woken up be a call at 6.50am from the fire officers. My daughter had been burning something outside and had a diabetic hypo. The fire spread and left a huge mess. I was on my hands and knees mopping floors and furniture all day and had no Christmas Dinner. It was just 3 months after my husband died and I didn’t even get a minute to remember him. In a way it was a blessing in disguise but I don’t know how I got through that Christmas

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My wife is alive but she doesn’t know me as her husband as she has dementia so no special cards, hugs, kisses , just her being there in the home seeing me and probably wondering what’s going on.

I’ll do my best to smile and make her day special but my loss is all the stuff she used to do for our family -,she was the centre, the hub that all the festivities turned on.

Me too. Lost my dad in July 2021. Was told he had terminal lung and bone cancer 2 weeks later to the day he died. Can’t imagine Christmas without him.

I’ve just heard my sons may not make it home because of COVID diagnosis. That means I will be on my own for my first Christmas since my husband died in July. Then the car wouldn’t start. Called out the RAC and got to the supermarket and a man shouted at me because my trolley just touched his car. There was no mark. I got in the car and burst into tears. It all seems so unfair.

Hello Judynews.
There are Some Good people out there and there are some Ungrateful people also take no notice and because they proberbly have not experienced THE Grief of a Loss which you have they won’t care.
I lost my sweetheart in August of this year and i am coming up to my First Christmas with out her being here after nearly 50 years of marriage i also am finding it so difficult to Face this time i will be pleased when Christmas and New Year are out of the way this year i am sorry that your Sons won’t be able to make it to see you because of Covid and i hope that you can get over Christmas and the New Year.
Sending Love and Hugs to you.
KEN21

I too am hoping for all the festivities to be out of the way, Just left my darling Bridget in her care home to come to my daughter’s for a family get together but I’m not keen. I rather be with Bridget each day but I’ll be gone Sunday so it’s not too long. It’s all the awkward questions people ask who understandably have little idea of my heartache.

Of course one day they’ll face their own grief one way or another. The only way to escape this misery is if you both die together at the same time. Statistically that’s probably rare.

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This year i will be spending christmas day at my local Community centre i will not be doing christmas in our home
or spending it with my 2Daughters
It is not me being selfish i just do not want my Grief being put onto their Grief i just want this Christmas out of the way so i will spend it with 40 other people who i proberbly will not know but we all have to spend it with what we Feel is comforting.
I Hope it works out for you Dutchman but i know my Elaine would have told me Do What is Comfortable for you i am going to Miss Her Enormously for a Long time to come .Take Care
KEN21

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My first Christmas without my husband after nearly 52yrs of marriage
,can’t bear it havnt put the tree up my husband used to help with decorations I’m really struggling without him,miss him so much
I hate this life without him,still can’t believe I will never see him again to heartbreaking

Take care

Christine x

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Same here Christine i can’t put Decorations up at all this year we where coming up to 50 years married and it would be to painful for me to do i Miss my Wife so much i do know she will be in and around me in the Things she would be saying to me there will be one day when we will be back together again so i send Love to you Christine.
KEN21 X

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Hi Christine

I feel the same about my lovely dad. He passed in July 2021 2 weeks after being diagnosed with lung and bone cancer.

The thought of Christmas without our loved ones seems unbearable. Not too sure how I’m going to cope as I’m very emotional at the min as I’m sure you are. My mum and dad were married for for 58 years.

Hope you’ve got lovely family around you to help you get through this.

Stay as strong as you can but remember it’s ok to shed those tears for your loved one.

Sharon xxxx

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Christmas was a central part of Bridget’s life this time of year. This I miss - all the planning together, seeing the family, sharing the past, coming home and then looking forward to next year

It was the same for My Elaine
And we Did it all together thats why it is so so Difficult this time i just can’t do it on my own.I don’t begrudge xmas to any one else but it is not for me so i am going to take myself to a Community Center as that is how i will be Just doing something Different and it will be something that my Grief will not be amongst my Family it is what i have Decided to do.
Take Care Dutchman but my Heart goes out to you
Ken21

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Thanks Ken21.

I think your idea is a great one. If you miss your Elaine as much as I miss my Bridget then my heart goes out to you as I know the extent of your sadness. Bridget has forgotten me as her husband and remembers nothing. All those shared memories gone.

I know I ought not to dwell on this but I regret deeply all those lost opportunities where I could have loved her more, done things differently.

Too late now so to those who ask I say love as much as you can for as long as you can.

Thanks Dutchman.
I miss Elaine Enormously and we where Soul Mates we had some Magical years and i could have done with a few more.
Your Bridget would have known Deep Down in her Heart that you would have Loved her we all look back and wish we could have done things Differently and your Bridget proberbly would not have wanted you to change anything as by the sounds of of it you Loved Her Deeply as i Loved my Elaine we used to say to each other would you have changed anything over the Years and she would say i would Change absolutely NOTHING and i would say i would CHANGE absolutely NOTHING.
Elaine is my Soul mate and i Miss Her so much and she will always be my First Love and Bridget will always be a part of you.
Take Care.
KEN21

Hi Ken21. Thank you for that heart felt reply. Just what I need today

I find it difficult to be in my house this yr as lost my daughter in October and my house is full of her so I have gone to spend Christmas with my family up north as we all feel her loss but together we can be there for each other and still try to make Christmas good for my other kids with help from each other, doesn’t help that we lost my step dad in may and my grandad in august all this yr so as u can imagine losing my 19 yr old daughter too has just topped me off x

Hi Gemiz1

I feel for you. Don’t think there could be anything worse than loosing a child, with the addition of loosing other family members.

Hopefully being together with the rest of your family supporting each other will give you some comfort.

Take care x

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