What do I do next ?

Hi my name is suzie in June this year I visited my nan in hospital to be told she can go home ?
My grandparents lived in a house
No way she could manage or grandad so that night I took them both home with me as I had a downstairs room over the next few months I cared for her and grandad I had no help 24 hour care but I loved her and felt I had to do this as they raised me she passed away which broke me I could not fixed her no matter how much I tried grandad still lives with me and my 12 year old son who has been amazing nan worked all her life so did grandad now I’m left with a huge funeral bill what have I done in my life to be left in such a mess I just want her back she would know what to do I don’t feel like getting up sum days I cry alone stay up all night I don’t talk to friends I’m so confused x

Hi Suzie,

Welcome to the Sue Ryder Online Community. I’m so sorry to hear about your nan passing away. It sounds as though you’ve done such a lot to support her and your grandad, and that must have meant a lot to her.

I’m sorry to hear that you don’t feel you can talk to friends about this. It’s really important to have outlets for your grief, rather than bottling things up. Are you able to talk to your son and your grandad, so that you can all support each other through this?

I hope that writing things down here has helped a little. There are lots of supportive people here who understand what it is like to lose a loved one. While you wait for more replies to your post, you may also find it helpful to read and reply to some posts by others who have lost a parent or grandparent, for example:

Has the funeral bill put you in financial difficulties? Turn2Us is an organisation that can help people access benefits, grants and support with financial issues.

Hi Suzie,

I’m sorry to read of your Nan’s passing. Please try and take some comfort in the fact she was surrounded by your love in her final days and that would have meant more to her than we could ever imagine.

Also, you’ve done nothing wrong. This is not a punishment, it’s just an incredibly difficult time that you will eventually find the strength to overcome.
I hope you feel that you can at least talk to some of us on here who have also experienced loss and can understand your feelings to an extent.
I also lost my Nan this year and have been struggling to cope but of late I found that the first step is actually opening up instead of trying to cope alone.

Remember it’s ok not to be ok. So please don’t feel you have to pretend to be ok to protect the people you love, I am sure they would want to support you as much as you support them.

Take care